Is it really good for your child to go to nursery?

[naomi81]

I am a SAHM mainly but try and do a few self employed bits and do a few hours for the family business. It's great as I can take the little one every where with me (18 months) but it's getting harder and harder as she's so active. I am looking into sending her to nursery for a couple of mornings so I can do my work and get the house clean etc as struggle on my own with her. I have ME and fibromyalgia so some days can be extremely tough. My partner works long hours and quite often doesn't see her as she's in bed. Family don't really help, my mum will come for a few hours one afternoon a week to watch her and I run round like an idiot getting all my jobs done, and quite often I will work in the evenings to catch up.

Everyone keeps telling me it's great for kids to go to nursery, I feel really guilty about sending her, and wonder if I should wait till she's 2. Or maybe I am just overthinking everything 🤪

Honestly I think some kids love it and some don't and you probably won't know til you try

Honestly I think some kids love it and some don't and you probably won't know til you try

You’re not making an irrevocable decision. Send her, and if she likes it, comes home grubby / with artwork / talking about friends / having done things she wouldn’t have done otherwise, then great. If not, or if you’re not happy, then you take her out. Maybe try her again somewhere different or when she’s a bit older.
The fact that you will enjoy having the time without her is probably what’s making you feel guilty? Don’t. It’s okay to want a break, children are hard work.

No, I don't think day nursery is better for children than staying at home. But I know that's a controversial comment and many working parents don't have a choice.

Read Steve Biddulph's Raising Babies: Should Under 3s go to nursery

I sent DD to nursery school at 2, she goes for 3 hours in the morning and the rest of the time she's with me at home. I find that a nice balance. Maybe you could look in to something like that in 6 months time?

I had to send my DS to nursery for a bit when he was 20 months or so, as it was the only thing I could find that fit in with my work. He hated it and I dont think it was particularly good for him although they were nice.
He went to pre-school the year before he started school and loved that but he was quite a bit older.
My DD had been to a child minder which I was really happy with. Could you look into a home based setting like that for a few hours a week? I wouldn't use a day nursery if I didn't have to.

I think it depends on the child. My eldest DD is 10 and she thrived in nursery. Started at 7 months. Youngest should have started just as u went back to work in June but our chosen nursery is closed. If she didn’t settle though I’d find another setting for her. They are all so different and what suits one doesn’t another x

I think it's very good for them, my eldest didn't go and went to a pretty school at 3 and seemed to struggle a bit. DS2 and DD have been to nursery since the age of 1 and absolutely love it. The routine is good for them as well as spending time with other adults and children.

All kids and circumstances are different. With the lack of toddler groups we are considering it to give DD some interaction with peers and a change of scene. Wouldn't have bothered until older otherwise.

Ignore Steve Biddulph, he's a sexist prat who makes unfounded assertions.

I've got RA and fibromyalgia and DS started at nursery for 2 mornings a week at 8m old (I'm a SAHM). It was good for both of us- he had a great time and did lots of nice things, and I got an opportunity to sleep and rest so that I could be a better parent to him. It's very hard being a parent with a chronic illness, and if you can afford it is give it a go. Or a childminder?

DS is an only child and I think being around other children is important, and nice for him.

I've also had to do some emergency a&e visits related to my illness, with no family and friends nearby. Knowing DS could go to nursery with people he knew made going to a&e a lot easier.

Every kid is different but mine absolutely loved nursery and were completely ready for school when the time came because if it. They also did far more at nursery that they would at home - think glitter, play dough, messy stuff.

Give it a go, can't hurt!

Yes it's great for most kids I would say! My eldest went for 2 days at 2.5, and my youngest started 1 day 16 months and then added a second day just before he turned 2 when I started a college course. I am a SAHM. Espeically in your situation (health, lack of family support), I think it would be great so long as your child is happy there. Our nursery is fab but I'd imagine most nurseries do things that mean you won't have to/can't do them at home, e.g. messy play, playing with other kids (especially at the moment, how can they do that if not in a bubble at the mo?), playing with toys you don't have at home, letter recognition etc by trained professionals, EATING - my kids eat way better at nursery than they do for me, same with napping. It's fab!

I think nursery is great, and it has done wonders for dd. Her confidence, empathy, speech has all done in massively in the 18 months she’s been at nursery. And she’s made the sweetest friendships. I want Dd to have experiences that don’t involve me all the time.

It doesn’t work for some kids, but you don’t know till you try it. I also think it’s great to get them ready for school.

I think entirely depends on the circumstances and the child but no, I don't think a child "needs" a nursery at that age. It doesn't mean they wouldn't benefit, but then would they benefit from staying at home.

I'm a Childminder and pre childminding I've sent my children to nursery and a childminder. I honestly think it entirely depends on your needs, their needs and the opportunities that they already have.

mine have gone to nursery being quite young. Absolutely thrived. No choice as a working parent, but honestly they have come on leaps and bounds.

absolutely no offence to childminders, but I think that the variation in children/sights/staff is a positive thing over the 1 household. However, that said(!), some children absolutely do not cope in nursery and need that home experience

But yes, absolutely nursery/childcare is underrated even if you do not "need it"

I can't believe how much you are managing to get done, with an 18 month old in tow plus an often-working partner, ME and not much family help! Amazing - but don't feel guilty about wanting more breathing space. I'd be going bonkers in your shoes - toddlers are adorable but so incredibly constant.

Whatever you choose - nursery, childminder, neither - your kid is going to be absolutely fine. Probably the best thing you can do for her is to do what's right for you, so you can feel as energised and wholehearted as possible in the (still very large) amount of time you spend with her.

Btw I find Janet Lansbury is a good parenting guru for helping me feel more confident in my choices. Might be worth a look if you're agonising.

I think nursery is really good for their development. My son is an only child and struggled when he was younger being around other children. He has really come along at nursery and it has also helped with his speech so much. There's no harm in trying and if you or your daughter aren't comfortable you can always take her out again.

Well it depends on the child and in the nursery. For most I doubt it would make any difference.

There can be benefits either way tbh. Both my DC started nursery at six months and it seemed to really benefit them. They’ve both thrived at school and I think nursery really paved the way for that. Equally there will be some parents who are able to provide an excellent environment at home, where their DC explore learning in different ways and socialise with other children. Totally depends on the circumstances.

DSS has been going for 3 weeks now (his mum has 15 free hours/week) and the difference in his speech and independent play during this relatively short time has been incredible. I wouldn’t hesitate, especially as it sounds as though it would give you some breathing space as well!

I don’t think it really matters either way, and depends much more on the type of parent you are. I don’t like the toddler phase, I find them annoying and tedious and the lack of attention span drives me nuts. Luckily I was working full time so nursery dealt with all the hard stuff and I just had to love and enjoy them at the start and end of the day!

A good nursery/ pre-school is definately better than being in a small flat with a stressed parent or to be fair being dragged about on adult bussiness.

A crowded nursery with inexperienced, underpaid staff is definately worse than having an engaged and happy SAP with plenty of resources (space, time, money) who has a clue about child development.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle.

It’s been great for my DDs development; she has experiences there that I just can’t realistically provide and loves it.

Ds loves nursery. He's 21 months old and has gone since he was 9 months. Absolutely loves it. He goes 4 days a week. It gives him structure and he has a Wednesday off which we use to spend time together and rest day for him.
I also have fibromyalgia, the nursery is a life saver for me.

Before I had children I liked the idea of keeping them at home for 5 years. Life got in the way and I was halfway through training when I had my son so he had to be in nursery from 9 months old. Looking back I am so glad he was. He struggled to begin with, he was very clingy and very much a mummy's boy but he really thrived at nursery. I'm not sure how much of it is nature/nurture but his speech is great and he is actually a pretty easy going little toddler. He has been out of nursery for almost a year now and I cannot wait to get him back in as soon as they are open. He misses other children and loves making friends.