Naps at nursery when bf

[radioactiveimagination]

I’m just after a bit of nursery-related advice, if you’re bfeeding and not doing dummies how do you deal with naps at nursery? DS 9 mos was tired and tearful at his settle and they asked me if he has a comforter but he doesn’t - well, he does - me. I know, I have made a rod for my own back etc. etc. but I’m still feeding him to sleep for naps most of the time. Or he falls asleep in the car. Obviously neither possible at nursery. Would you try to introduce a comfort blanket or something to take with? If so, how?

Firstly, children frequently behave very differently at nursery to home. Different people, environment and stimulation leads to different tiredness levels and sleeping routines. (And children might eat peas happily at nursery while home peas are evil and poisonous!). The nursery will probably figure out the best way to keep baby happy within the first few weeks.

Secondly, most people in childcare like dummies if the alternative is a thumb. Dummies can be traded in at 3 or 4 years to Santa in exchange for a cool present. Thumb sucking can go on and on and on.

Thirdly, if a child has never been apart from their parents, and sleep with them and are breastfed and have never used a bottle, of course they will find nursery harder than bottle fed, cot using children used to spending time with relatives. Nursery will be far more of a difference to the former than the latter. A comforter will help give some continuity between nursery and home.

Bemused at the comments on teaching self settling / not feeding to sleep before nursery. There is no difference between Mum doing the painful training and nursery doing it. Indeed the advice is often to have the Mum hand over to Dad / ANother to make the baby more accepting.

Never used a nursery but by the time DD2 and 3 arrived regimented nap times were a source of bemusement. They coped with catnapping on trips in the car and pram or cuddled up while entertaining siblings etc. Certainly by 9m, I don't see why nursery would be different, especially if there is a room full of entertaining and noisy toddlers next to the baby room.

Both of mine were breastfed to sleep when they started nursery. My eldest needed to be rocked to sleep for a couple of days and then she chose not to sleep in the cots preferring the cushions in the corner (she decided not to follow their nap routine and went to sleep when she felt like it). I thought my youngest was going to be a nightmare as he is really clingy to me and is obsessed by milk. No, they put him in the cot, stroked his ear and he went to sleep!

howabout - There is no difference between Mum doing the painful training and nursery doing it
I think there is rather a lot of difference to the baby Starting childcare is very stressful, and being unable to sleep is an extra stress.
Your babies were quite unusual if they could go a whole day without napping at 9 months, in my experience most babies will get more and more distressed if they can't sleep and don't find noisy toddlers a pleasant distraction! Babies who eventually fall asleep over tired and upset usually do not sleep well.

Some very unhelpful comments here!! OP I write this as I sit feeding my 15mo to sleep. I was really stressed out about her starting nursery as well, she had no interest in a comforter and wouldn't take a bottle or dummy.

The nursery were fantastic, I left her pram for her for the first week and they pushed her round at nap time, then the next week they just tried her in the cot and she happily went off to sleep! No sleep training as others have mentioned (). It was a really easy process.

I would talk to nursery about how they plan on getting him to sleep, they will have seen this all before. Could the pram idea work for you?

I would add that she still insists on bf to sleep with me! She just understands that at nursery she goes to sleep in a different way.

Thanks for all your replies. Rationally, I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine. He takes a bottle so will send one with him, he always has a nap when the GPs have him and also with my DH so it’s not like he will only nap when I feed him. It was just that they asked if he had a comforter and it got me thinking as I’m so used to feeding him until he goes to sleep - my older DC had a dummy and was older when she started nursery so it’s a bit different this time and I just wondered if I should try to introduce a comforter. It’s never been my intention to do any kind of sleep training and I don’t believe it is necessary. I am lucky that our nursery have very caring staff who are happy to cuddle the babies to sleep and I know they wouldn’t just leave him to cry. I am genuinely interested though in how those who have accused me of having my head in the sand/not thinking things through etc, how would they ‘prepare’ a baby for nursery? What could I have done differently? Formula from birth + sleep training seems to be what it boils down to. So should bfed babies not be placed in childcare? I just don’t follow the logic of that at all.

Breastfeeding doesn't mean a baby needs to be reliant on it for all sleeping/comfort

Smoggle, exactly. So what other kinds of comfort can babies have to help them sleep? Dummy? Cuddles? Comforter? Can none of those be used in a nursery setting?

Of course, all of those things. But prepare them at home, in familiar surroundings, with people they love rather than leave them to have to learn to accept these things from strangers in a new environment at an already stressful time.
It's not the end of the world, almost all babies will eventually accept going to sleep in a cot etc at nursery - it's just less stressful for those babies who are able to continue the same sleep routines they are used to at home than those who have everything different. It takes them longer to settle.

Smoggle, as I said, I have left him with his GPs and he has naps with them. His DF also cuddles him to sleep. At no point have I said he only ever goes to sleep when I feed him. So what more could I have done to 'prepare' him for nursery? Genuinely confused.

Mine is going to nursery in a month’s time. He hasn’t accepted any sort of comforter so far but I do keep one in his cot and will send it with him to nursery just in case a familiar object does suddenly become useful to him. He settles to sleep for his grandmothers and for his father with cuddles and the nursery have assured him they will do the same if needed (he does sometimes settle in the cot by himself, but often not)

Assured me!

My son doesn’t expect to be fed to sleep if I am not there, in the same way that he doesn’t expect it when he is in the car

I actually agree with Georgie. If you are going back to work you plan ahead. You make sure you baby can get themselves to sleep without you. You Make sure they will drink from something other than you.
I'm not saying don't feed to sleep, do that at bedtime. I'm saying prepare because if your child starts nursery and screams because you are the only one who can get him to sleep, that is very unfair on the child.

I think your baby will be fine because from what you're saying, he will go to sleep for other people, not just you, right? My DS was like that - refused to contemplate anything other than being fed to sleep if I was around but would fall asleep on a bottle/in a pushchair/just roll over and go to sleep in his cot for other people. My experience is that babies often behave quite differently for different caregivers and they can be very adaptable! So please don't worry or beat yourself up - things will work out .

radioactive - I prepared my babies by getting them used to falling asleep in a cot before they started childcare. That way they weren't upset about naps - they just did the same as at home.

DS started nursery at 8/9 months. I panicked massively about the sleep situation, as well as the milk situation. I sent in expressed milk for a couple of weeks at the nursery's request and as expected he didn't take it. He ate and drank well though so it wasn't a problem. In terms of sleep his fab key worker spent time finding a way to get him to nap without me. He's 2.5 now and for well over a year he has put himself down for a nap in nursery. He has never ONCE went to sleep on his own at home since he was born, and hasn't napped during the day when with me at all for the same amount of time as I stopped BFing him at 19 months. Wee bugger.

Your LO will be fine, OP :) I've been where you are and know the stress, but everyone will get there at some point.

Oh and trust me, I didn't deliberately create a situation where my son needed fed to sleep every time and of course I tried other ways to soothe him. But if my baby needed comfort and that was the only way he wanted it, then I gave him it. If that makes me in any way a rubbish parent then so be it.

“I prepared my babies by getting them used to falling asleep in a cot before they started childcare”

Well I am an enormous failure by your reckoning. He will not reliably do this and is unlikely to before he starts nursery. Given that I have gone from a baby who would never be put down to sleep to one who will sleep for a few hours in a cot by himself I thought we were doing quite well. But clearly I have failed him

I'm not calling anyone a failure - I'm just saying it's easier on the baby. Nursery staff/childminders are experienced at teaching babies to sleep so chances are they will succeed.

Op you have not created a rod for your own back. As someone who has been in a similar position as you i know this. It took a few weeks for my DD to settle in. When she did settle nursery found different techniques of getting her to sleep a teddy/blanket from home/rocking her etc. If your DC can sleep for GP/DH then I'm sure once settled and he feels comfortable their he will sleep. Good luck I remember it being a stressful time.

You are saying I have failed because you are saying I have made it harder for him. Despite my best efforts I will not meet your standard for starting childcare

I should say - I’m totally ok with him being cuddled to sleep as long as he needs that, as is his nursery because I wouldn’t have chosen them otherwise. But I do object to parents failing to understand how different babies can be and instead making other parents feel shit for not meeting arbitrary standards they set themselves

Yes, it will be harder for him than a baby who is already able fall asleep in a cot - how could it not be? He will almost certainly get there though - there's no magic wand but the staff will have seen it all before.

If you feel that is a failure, that's your standard not mine.