Naps at nursery when bf

[radioactiveimagination]

I’m just after a bit of nursery-related advice, if you’re bfeeding and not doing dummies how do you deal with naps at nursery? DS 9 mos was tired and tearful at his settle and they asked me if he has a comforter but he doesn’t - well, he does - me. I know, I have made a rod for my own back etc. etc. but I’m still feeding him to sleep for naps most of the time. Or he falls asleep in the car. Obviously neither possible at nursery. Would you try to introduce a comfort blanket or something to take with? If so, how?

What CountessVonBoobs said 👍

My two children were EBF and also refused dummies. Before they started nursery at 6 months old, they had not even used bottles.

They both had comforters from a brand called Angeldear. This brand sells "A pair and a spare" comforter sets. Over the years I've bought the sets a number of times. Really great as I've always been able to find the exact same replacements. Children are now 7 and 5 years old and still have their comforters.

They settled into a nursery routine. I brought their comforters and sleep sacks into the nursery as I figured it all smelled of me and home. The nursery then figured out their own way to get them to nap and to take bottles. This was different to how it all happened at home but the babies didn't seem to mind.

Not all babies take to a comforter or a dummy, I tried with my hardest to settle baby and he had zero interest.
My childrens' nurseries and carers have all managed to do brilliantly nevertheless - except for one absolutely rubbish nanny trial. Any good childcarer will be absolutely used to this and able to handle it. Ignore Georgie, people who says things like that are either not really in childcare, or if so are less competent than average.

It's not about feeding, it's about giving babies another form of comfort and way to get to sleep!
It is much harder for babies if they aren't able to take their comfort to nursery with them. But lots of parents don't think about this, so you're not the only one OP.

It will work out. Nurseries and childminders don't do anything magic, they do exactly the same sleep training as a parent would do at home and most babies quickly adapt to a new way to go to sleep. It depends on the baby obviously and how often they attend but most habits can be broken/made in a week of consistent sleeps.

But lots of parents don't think about this, so you're not the only one OP.

Or their babies have no interest whatsoever in a comfort object and get their comfort from human beings. I offered DS1 dummies, I wore soft toys stuffed in my bra for days at a time, I gently stroked him with muslins. He was never interested. Nor was DS2, although I didn't bother pushing it second time around. They settled at childcare when they bonded with the people.

Acting like it's some kind of parental negligence not to send your child pre-prepped with an attachment teddy is bonkers.

No but not to enable your child to sleep without you present is bonkers! Sleep is one of the greatest skills a parent can give a child.

When I was childminding I made a point that I wouldn't leave a child to cry themselves to sleep (and wouldn't accept a child if their parents wanted me to do that). I ended up with all breastfed small toddlers who didn't have dummies or comfort objects and walked them to sleep in the triple buggy or carried them in from the car asleep and cuddled any who'd woken up. We pretty much never had any crying beyond a minute or so if a child fell over and needed comforting or distraction, or the same on drop off in the first few days.

Strangely enough I was always fully booked up.

As your nursery also don't have a room with 9 babies but just the two and are willing to cuddle them as much as required you should also be fine.

At least you won't be worrying about how to break the dummy habit when your child's 3!

The staff wil essentially have to sleep train your child for you. Yes I can confirm it is much harder for babies who are fed to sleep at home to settle for naps at nursery. Love the sweeping statements about nursery “working their magic” and “finding a way” , there are no magic wands! It will be very stressful for all concerned (including baby) for the first week ot two. I’m
not saying that to be judgmental or a nasty cow, I’m just being honest about how it actually works.

It's the same with potty training plenty parents leave it to nursery

So what do people suggest? I’m even more terrified than I was, my currently 8 month old starts at the childminder when he’s 10 months. He only feeds to sleep, he has never fallen asleep any other way.

I have avoided sleep training because it can be traumatic for a baby but I don’t just want to hand him to someone else to do it.

Do you have a partner, KittenCamile? If so, if they don't already, they should take an occasional turn putting DC to bed. It really doesn't have to be sleep training. Someone else can work out a routine/approach that doesn't involve being fed (obviously) with cuddles, songs etc. DC2 actually stopped falling asleep on the boob relatively early and has a consistent short "go to sleep" routine with a song we only sing at sleep time, etc. That works fine.

If no partner - try adding a couple of consistent sleep cues like a song, always using the same words, perhaps a white noise toy etc that a nursery/CM could use.

My two boys were always fed to sleep before they started nursery. They would also nap in a buggy when out and about so just used to nap in one at nursery - no need for any tears and they both for to sleep on a mat with the other children in their own time.

I'm not sure bottle feeding and having a dummy necessarily makes it easy anyway! My DD was bottle fed/took a dummy, but I still always cuddled/rocked her to sleep. And she really struggled falling asleep without me at nursery initially, because that's what she was used to.

She settled eventually, sleeps there OK now and I'm sure your baby will to - sometimes just takes time for staff to figure out their own way. I never really knew what method they settled on eventually but they said she didn't cry so I didn't really care. I think getting the bond with key worker is a key part, then finding a good way to get to sleep will follow - probably why it is easier with your DH, because the bond is already there.

CountessVonBoobs Yes DH could try, he will be looking after him one day a week anyway.

I guess day time naps arent like bedtime when he needs his milk and I can keep feeding him to sleep at night. He’s very hard to get to sleep even with a boob though, time it wrong and it can take 2 hrs!

Am going to try a comforter starting tonight.

OP your post has been a big wake up call to me.

Kitten would it not be more 'traumatic' for the child for a childminder to sleep train your child than you!!!! Ye gods some parents just can't be arsed!

Kitten - speak to your childminder, find out what her routine is and what is practical/realistic for her. Is your baby going to need to nap in the buggy on a school run or at toddler group? If so I would start getting them used to napping in a buggy in noisy surroundings etc.
Will she be patting him to sleep in a cot? If so start doing that for naps now?
Will he need to be flexible about falling asleep in different ways? Start varying things at home.
Any comforters or sleep cues that can be easily transported to the childminders are great so do introduce them - the only thing the childminder definitely cannot do is breastfeed him to sleep so try not to have that as his only crutch!

When I worked in the baby room, each baby had their own sheet for the cot/buggy. We often got mum or to put their smell on it and most took them home on the last day of the week to wash and put their smell on and it helped. Every child was different. It just sometimes took a bit longer for us to work out some children but we did get there.

I gave both my children a Muslin for this reason. They are both late/mid teens now and I have kept a couple and when they come across them they always smile and reminisce when they had it. But what works for one child won't work for another.

Both of my DC went to nursery having been BF to sleep, and neither had a comforter. Both refused a dummy, and both refused a bottle. Believe me, I tried to introduce these things, but they were not interested. Their first week at nursery, both of them fell asleep in the cots their, with a little bit of back patting from the staff. I was amazed! I had spoken to them in advance about being worried about how they would get them to nap, but the staff were not fazed at all (at least not to my face). Please don’t worry OP, I know plenty of friends who have had similar worries, and all of their DC have been fine at nursery. You haven’t been neglectful in any way. You can’t spend the first few months of a baby’s life making them behave as the nursery will want them to.

KittenCamile childminders can usually be more flexible than nurseries and your baby is likely to fall asleep on walks in the buggy or school runs if he doesn't nap in a cot. Talk to your childminder. Presumably you have chosen one who won't use cry it out or even controlled crying if you disagree with those methods. Not all childminders are the same, but mostly they can accommodate walking a child to sleep in a buggy and letting them continue the nap at home. No need to "train" babies like dogs.

Re the comforter idea I suggested earlier... it's mostly about the smell of the object being comforting /familiar. It's often called a transitional object and it helps bridge the gap of separation. It's essential in the first few weeks/months, then the baby gets more used to sleeping in the new place, with new people, in a new place etc... it becomes less important.

I don't promote an over reliance on comfort toys, so I'd hope to phase it out as the child gets older. All of my older babies/ toddlers choose a cuddly or soft doll from a selection to take for their nap (if we're at home, if we're out they just fall asleep in the buggy), so it goes from being a reminder of home to being just a little object to snuggle.

I work in a baby room and we have had many babies come to us who are used to being breastfed to sleep. Some have comforters, some don't. Some introduce a comforter just for nursery. We work out the best way to help them settle- we have lots of different methods and tricks. Sometimes it takes a little while and other times they settle easily during their first session.

My own daughter attended the nursery (although not as a baby, she had just turned 2.) She was still breastfed, generally she napped in the buggy or in the car or cuddled with me on the sofa. At night she was a terrible sleeper (still not great 4 years later 🙄) At nursery she would lay on a little bed with a soft toy and drop off to sleep, no problem! I honestly thought she would just never nap on nursery days!

Mine went one day a week when he was nearly 2 and had to still have naps, so was difficult to settle, partly because by the time he got settled it was a full week before he went back again so got out of the routine there (he was still using his pacifier, and had a little blankie, which helped).

The earlier point about rods for backs may have been made in a rather clumsy and negative fashion, but it does contain an obvious truism. A child’s transition into childcare is likely to be much easier if the parents have planned and made some adjustments in order to make it less of a shock. This is borne out by the experience of many parents and childcare providers. It is not anti-bf or parent-bashing to recognise the truth.

I don’t say this as criticism. The best way forward is to first accept the reality of the situation for what it is. It’s essential the OP grasps the need to manage expectations, because baby might struggle to adjust at first, rather more than a child who is better prepared for the transition.

Also, beware of nursery staff who respond to every question with, "oh, he's been fine." Childcare training can, at times, over-emphasise the need to 'be positive' and 'put parents at their ease'. Personally, I prefer realistic honesty over false positivity every time.

As previous posts have said, there are plenty of ways to help settle the child and I’m quite sure the nursery staff will be sensitive to his situation. But don’t let anyone kid you into believing they have some 'magic settling wand' they can wave.

It will be easier all round if you accept from the outset that it may involve a little more time and upset than is usual. If you understand that, you should find it easier to give it the patience it requires, and avoid making the common mistake of making rash decisions to switch nursery if he doesn’t settle straight away.

If you do go down the comforter route, buy a few of whatever it is and rotate them. That means that when Pedro gets lost, Pedro Mk 2 is not all new and strange...

One thing you could do is introduce a comforter like a Muslin blanket and take it to bed with you so that your scent gets on it and then your baby has a comforter that smells like mummy and that might settle him to sleep at nursery.