Naps at nursery when bf

[radioactiveimagination]

I’m just after a bit of nursery-related advice, if you’re bfeeding and not doing dummies how do you deal with naps at nursery? DS 9 mos was tired and tearful at his settle and they asked me if he has a comforter but he doesn’t - well, he does - me. I know, I have made a rod for my own back etc. etc. but I’m still feeding him to sleep for naps most of the time. Or he falls asleep in the car. Obviously neither possible at nursery. Would you try to introduce a comfort blanket or something to take with? If so, how?

It’s not really a rod for your own back, you’re not the one who have to try and settle him. Yes I probably would introduce another comfort item, a teddy or small (small!) blanket.

Did you always plan to place him in childcare?

I have to admit I’m always a bit surprised that parents don’t fully think this through.

I know I’m being harsh but I’m on the other end of it. Yes I can teach then to sleep without you but honestly it’s stressful for everyone involved.

Thanks so much that really helps. I didn't come here for a lecture and I am already feeling a bit emotional as I am going back to work and having to leave my baby knowing he's going to be upset so thanks so much I'm actually crying now.

Yes that is a bit harsh. I'm glad you don't work at my child's nursery.

I might do how do you know?

I didn’t intend to make you cry, you’re feeling emotional anyway about your return to work and honestly by asking the question, you know the answer!

I do apologise for making you cry though.

I'm a childminder and I've had plenty of children who bf to sleep before I had them. Children adapt quite quickly to new carers/routines Op, so don't worry too much.

Find a little snuggly/comforter and start holding it between you when you bf. The baby will start to associate it with you & bf and it'll also smell of you. Take it with the baby to nursery each day and then 'top up' the smell each day. (then wash it at the weekend, before you start the cuddling /association again!)

Good luck op.

It's not a rod for your own back, you've done an awesome job.
My dd went to nursery at a year and never had any comforters or anything although I had recently stopped bf. At home we used white noise and cuddles/rocking for naps til she was old enough to settle herself. I've heard it can be useful to have a small blanket or teddy between you and baby during feeds so they build up a close association with it.
To be honest, the nursery will be well used to this and mine were (and are) absolutely fabulous and caring and we're more than happy to have baby cuddles and cuddle my dd to sleep. When we went to look round the nursery before she was even born they were stroking one of the younger children on a little day bed so they'd relax and have there nap.
My dd quickly went from 2 naps a day to one and then none when she started nursery (still had a daytime nap til 2.5 at home though) she loves it there so much she doesn't want to miss out.
Ask the nursery for their advice too, they're the experts.
One of my closest friends is a manager in a nursery and would never look down on a parent in your position and would do whatever she could to support you x

Don't worry, they'll figure it out quick enough. Both of mine have been fed to sleep before nursery and neither had problems napping there, they had muslins as comfort items. DS2 didn't want any milk at nursery either so no need for expressing, phew. I fed him until he was almost 3 so it all worked out fine with 3 nursery days a week. It takes them a little while to get used to it but they see everyone else going to sleep and it helps!

Mine would never take a comfort blanket or toy from me. At nursery they fed him to sleep with EBM, and at some point he started sleeping with a muslin (never did at home). The nursery staff said that babies all did different things there anyway, so I wasn't to worry about it in advance and they would find their own ways to meet his needs

Did you always plan to place him in childcare?

I have to admit I’m always a bit surprised that parents don’t fully think this through.

"Think through" feeding their babies the way babies feed?! Fucking hell. I know we have a shitty BF culture in this country but that is a new one.

Some babies just aren't interested in "comfort objects" or dummies. Mine never were, and I did offer them. Honestly it will be fine. Nurseries and CMs (except Georgie apparently) are pros at figuring out ways of settling them. Don't worry. There's nothing you need to do or should have done. Your baby loves you and is strongly attached to you. Which is both normal and good. They will settle in childcare and the childcarer will figure out their own method.

Nursery will work their magic and find their own way, perhaps give him a little comforter to take with him and it'll soon become the routine for when he's there. He'll also probably have different sleeping habits there, and eat stuff he won't at home as well! He'll be shattered so they don't usually have too much trouble. If it's anything like our nursery the new ones get cuddles/rocked to sleep until they're more settled there.

Of course I can (and do!) settle children and reassure parents but it doesn’t stop me wondering why they feed to sleep, knowing it can’t continue. Personal choice obviously. It doesn’t stop me having an opinion on the matter.

It not about feeding choices, it’s about sleeping routines.

it doesn’t stop me wondering why they feed to sleep, knowing it can’t continue.

Of course it can continue. It continues at home. Childcare figures something else out (as does daddy/Nana when in charge).

People feed to sleep because it's natural, normal, what's supposed to happen, and mutually lovely.

Is he just settling in still? I wouldn't worry too much, he will adjust to a new way just as he would if your DH or someone else was settling him. My two took a blanket in with them, both dropped off OK because the other children were going for a sleep too, one just did the bare minimum and the other one likes a good hour and a half nap in her little bed! Breastfeeding to sleep isn't necessarily a problem and you haven't created difficulties by not having a dummy or whatever. Don't fret.

Gosh, I think Georgie's been quite harsh.

It will be absolutely fine OP. Children adapt to different environments really well. My kids apparently did all sorts with nursery that they would never have done for me. Their sleep routine and the food they would eat were totally different than what I could get them to do at home.

You haven't done anything wrong at all. I wouldn't introduce a comforter at this stage though if he doesn't use one - save yourself the headache of losing it down the line.

Leeloo, thanks for the advice. That’s the sort of thing I was thinking of doing. It’s all about the smells isn’t it! I guess I am concerned that by giving him a comforter it’s another ‘crutch’ like a dummy that will be a nightmare if it gets forgotten/left behind. I really thought I was doing things right but clearly not.

Chick, thank you so much, that is reassuring. We use white noise too. Fortunately he will only be there in the morning so I will be with him in the afternoons anyway. They only have one other baby and are happy to give cuddles. He does usually settle down after cuddles with his dad and other family members so my hunch is he will be fine.

Georgie, please don’t trouble yourself, I will get through this and so will my DS. What really makes me sad is that forums like this should be a place of support and non-judgmental advice from parents to parents, yet there are always individuals who have to rush to criticise and judge complete strangers. God knows there is precious little support out there for new parents, particularly BF ones, it’s just a shame we can’t have one forum that is free from snarky judgmental comments.

I acknowledged immediately that it was a harsh message.

And yes of course the baby will be fine and sleep and eat and have a wonderful time. But like it or not, and I have more than a decade of experience, babies who are fed to sleep ( bottles I can obviously replicate though) do have a trickier time settling in.

And childcarer’s will of course reassure you, because we know they will indeed settle eventually.

This was exactly me a year ago. DS started nursery at 9 months and I'd always fed him to sleep (still do!) He only goes 2 days a week so took a little time to get into routine but now he sleeps there brilliantly, better than at home tbh! When he was younger, they cuddled him to sleep (he didn't sleep at all for the first few days he was there), but now he will say night night, lay down on the mat and be asleep in 5 mins. He does not do this at home!!! It will certainly improve for your DS too. And he's never had a comforter either at home or nursery.

Feeding to sleep is the most natural thing in the world. You haven't done anything wrong.

Both mine started nursery at 9 months having BF to sleep. DS1 settled to sleep fine almost from day one. DS2 took a couple of weeks to crack sleeping at nursery and was a bit of a nightmare for his poor key worker. I felt dreadful about it, but then he adjusted, and after that she told me he was the easiest baby in the baby room to settle- so it's all swings and roundabouts.

I offered both of mine comforters: DS1 loved his and still sleeps with it at nearly six; DS2 never bothered. I really wouldn't worry too much about having to wean them off a comforter. Why do you need to? Nothing wrong with cuddling a teddy at night.

That's a really great idea @leeloo1!

Countess, thanks for your reply, haha, I know! I should have started him on formula from birth knowing that he would one day be cared for by someone else. By that logic, maybe I should just let him make his own way to nursery, fend for himself. After all, I won’t be around forever!

George yes I am sure you are very experienced but it's not your place to tell me how I should feed my child.

Thanks for (most of ) your replies, all really helpful stuff. I'm still in two minds about introducing a comforter. He does take a bottle so may just send one with him. He is also teething now so that will not be helping but he settles on others so can't see why he wouldn't at nursery. Will just have to see how it goes!

Dd was like this, although was 2 when she started nursery so it was even harder. But little ones adapt really quickly. After a couple of hard days she started taking herself off for naps.

Good nursery practitioners will help your child feel comfortable to a point where they will sleep happily without you. Bad ones judge you for your choices in parenting.

Ok fine, you do as you see fit. It absolutely doesn’t affect me what you do. 🤷‍♀️

My two were the same. For the first, I started tucking a little soft rabbit under her arm between us when she fed, and every night time etc. She became so completely hooked to him, and he still goes everywhere with her 4 years later. For the second, he's hooked on bottles now as his comfort thing to fall asleep with.

I think all kids have some sort of comfort to fall asleep with, so try and choose the easiest thing 😂 I'm going to see if I can get baby #3 to use muslins as her comfort because they are small/easy to replace etc. Better than a beloved cuddly toy, or dummies/bottles that you eventually need to try and stop them using!