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Nursery carers kissing kids on lips

176 replies

PoopyNappy · 24/04/2006 22:58

Was shocked when I picked DS up from nursery last week that the carer gace him a kiss on the lips.

Asked a friend of mine if she observed it as well and has seen the same person kissing her DS and others on the lips.

What about passing on illnesses such as meninjitis and other such things. The worst thing was that the carer had a stinking flu type cold at the time and sure enuf several days l8r DS came down with fever, rash and waking through the night. Had goto Dr's twic in one day cos DS got a rash with pinprick blood spots...

Maybe I'm being a prude here but I think kissing on lips is for close family. Kissing on cheeks is fine surely?

I'm gonna have to say something but be very tactful without trying to offend...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
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Jackstini · 26/04/2006 22:08

I have not thought about this before but now it is mentioned I would not feel comfortable about a carer kissing my dd on lips. If dd chooses to kiss anyone else on lips, fine - it is her innocent option.
Also I don't like anyone except dh kissing me on lips now. My mum automatically goes to do this when she says goodbye (as she did when I was a child) but it makes me feel yucky now I am an adult. Am I wierd or does anyone else feel this way?

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Elf1981 · 26/04/2006 22:08

One of the reasons why kids get so sickly now is the fact that we live in such a germ conscious society so kids aren't exposed to things as before. It is better for the immunities to be built up!
A recent study suggest that the more colds a child has under a certain age decreases the likeihood of asthma.
I would be concerned if it were only one carer taking interest in only one child, but for it to be common practice for the kids to slobber on the carers, that sits a bit better with me.

I think it is very sad if a parent doesn't kiss their own child on the lips. I'm constantly kissing my almost seven month old, and nibbling her ears. It doesnt make me a nutter nor does it make me somebody who is not caring about her health

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sparkler1 · 26/04/2006 22:10

I would hate it it my dds pre-school teachers kissed her on the lips. In fact, as far as I am concerned kissing is not necessary full stop. I am happy for them to sit her on their laps and give her a hug when she needs affection.
A pre-school in our area has all the kids call their teachers Auntie. Shock Shock Yuk! I think that is dreadful.

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nzshar · 26/04/2006 22:10

This is such a sad thread :(

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ThePrisoner · 26/04/2006 22:11

I don't get called "Auntie", I get called "Evil Childminder". And no, I am not joking!! The children think it's hilarious.

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hulababy · 26/04/2006 22:14

panicpants - DD has had the same nursery caers for 2 years. The turnover their is very low. DD knows her carers extremely well.

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hulababy · 26/04/2006 22:20

Again I think a preschool or a state nursery is different to a day nursery.

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panicpants · 26/04/2006 22:20

Thats fine if you're happy with it Hulababy. We give ds lots of kisses and cuddles, blow raspberries etc.

Each to their own opinion I suspose. I'm certianly not saying you should or shouldn't allow it, it's up to you.

I'm off to bed now, so night all :)

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bubble99 · 26/04/2006 22:28

Night, panicpants. X ... I won't attempt to blow any raspberries on your tummy. Grin

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jellyjelly · 27/04/2006 19:00

If a child came to kiss me on the lips thats ok but i would kiss them on the cheek if they wanted a kiss or offer mine if they could be fobbed off with a cheek rather than my lips.

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plummymummy · 27/04/2006 23:50

I'm with morningpaper, greensleeves and bubble (agree - yr nursery sounds lovely).

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Socci · 28/04/2006 00:04

I don't think kissing children on the lips within a nursery context is appropriate as in any other professional context. I wouldn't mind a hug. I am clearly in the minority but even friends of the family don't kiss my children and certainly not on the lips.

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kama · 28/04/2006 00:16

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kama · 28/04/2006 00:18

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hellywobs · 05/05/2006 13:02

I think it's ok if the child initiates it but would feel uncomfortable about the carer initiating it (maybe I am too British and prudish!!). I don't have any problem about the carer kissing on the cheeks or the top of the head etc - or even the nose! I actually don't kiss my ds on the lips either unless he grabs me and kisses me on the lips. We're very affectionate but that's a bit far for me.

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hellywobs · 05/05/2006 13:04

"Also I don't like anyone except dh kissing me on lips now. My mum automatically goes to do this when she says goodbye (as she did when I was a child) but it makes me feel yucky now I am an adult. Am I wierd or does anyone else feel this way?"

Nope I do too. I have a very dear aunt and she does it - yuk!

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Nightynight · 05/05/2006 13:14

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QE · 05/05/2006 13:19

I haven't read all of this thread but I have to say that I would not be happy at all if anyone kissed my little one's on the lips. Me and dh kiss our 3 year old and 16 motnh ol but my older 3 aged 14, 12 and 10 get kisses on the cheeks. It obviously comes down to individual preferences but it doesn't sit well with me kissing on lips.

If it was someone at nursery doing it I would put a stop to it straight away. A hug is fine but that would be as far as I'd want it to go. In any case any nursery worker should be aware of Child Protection Policy and this is surely not something which is condoned is it?

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secur · 05/05/2006 13:20

Nightynight - can I ask why that is? Not because I agre or disagree, I am just interested as it is not something I have thought about either way really.

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scotlou · 05/05/2006 13:27

I have regularly watched the carers at my dd's nursery crouch down for a kiss - on the lips -at going home time. (She is always happy to reciprocate!) It makes me feel that my daughter is in a very happy, loving environment.
After all, shouldn't we be pleased that someone caring for our children clearly holds so much affection for them? Remember too - they may be strangers to us but they are clsoe friends to our kids.

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Nightynight · 07/05/2006 22:18

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SamsMIL · 10/05/2006 11:51

WOW Isn't all this sad - I own a Nursery and our mission statement is 'not just a Nursery but one big loving family!' Whilst all the staff are trained in child protection I would expect them to show affection to children when needed. Whilst we wouldn't offer lips for a kiss we certainly wouldn't reject a child by turning our faces away when they tried to 'plant one' on the lips! I would also expect my staff to sit a an inconsolable child on their lap if they were upset - just as they would at home. I would be quite happy to do this in front of any Inspector and argue that I felt it would be more detrimental to a child's well-being to reject them than to offer affection!! My Training Officer retired from a school when she was 'told off' for sitting a crying Nursery child on her lap during Assembly by a Deputy Head half her age. She had been a Nursery Nurse for 40 years and told him 'the day I don't console a crying child is the day I'll give it all up Son!' Of course there's a need for policies, procedures and regulations but come on - as professionals we need to fight back. If not for our dignity then for the poor children. The only way we can guarantee no risk at all is to have the children in padded cells with no human contact - how are our children ever going to learn to be careful, make judgements for themselves or have any common sense whatsoever?

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nannynick · 10/05/2006 18:50

It is rather sad that childcarers these days have to be careful when showing any form of affection towards a child in their care.

I remember some 10+ years ago when I was doing my NNEB training, while at a school reception class, I was told that I mustn't make physical contact with an upset child.

I don't feel that a carer kissing a child on the lips is appropriate, but if the child wants to kiss their carer, then kissing the carers cheek I would consider to be acceptable.

As a male childcare professional I don't go around kissing children, but if a child was upset and wanted a cuddle... then they would get a cuddle.

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plummymummy · 11/05/2006 12:03

I kiss ds on the lips all the time and I welcome it from family and friends. Would have no problem with a nursery worker reciprocating a kiss initiated by ds. My parents weren't lavish with the kisses (repressed +++)and I don't want to be like that with my kids. Sod the cultural norm!

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plummymummy · 11/05/2006 12:05

Oh and samsmil I totally agree with everything you said. Far worse to reject a child and to teach them that showing affection is something shameful.

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