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Nursery carers kissing kids on lips

176 replies

PoopyNappy · 24/04/2006 22:58

Was shocked when I picked DS up from nursery last week that the carer gace him a kiss on the lips.

Asked a friend of mine if she observed it as well and has seen the same person kissing her DS and others on the lips.

What about passing on illnesses such as meninjitis and other such things. The worst thing was that the carer had a stinking flu type cold at the time and sure enuf several days l8r DS came down with fever, rash and waking through the night. Had goto Dr's twic in one day cos DS got a rash with pinprick blood spots...

Maybe I'm being a prude here but I think kissing on lips is for close family. Kissing on cheeks is fine surely?

I'm gonna have to say something but be very tactful without trying to offend...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
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FairyMum · 26/04/2006 07:03

Cuddles are lovely. Kiss on the lips only for mummy and daddy IMO. Another one with germ-phobia here, but I also think it is invading childrens private space a bit.

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Tutter · 26/04/2006 07:15

agree with FM. and surprised at some of the stroppy posts - eg pinktulip's "grow up". not really necessary imo.

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carla · 26/04/2006 07:15

I would have hated it. Passing on of cold sores, etc. Yuck. I've never kissed my children on the lips, though, so maybe I'm biased.

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lanismum · 26/04/2006 07:16

i kiss my own dd on the lips, but not other peoples kids, in fact another mumsnetters ds kissed me the other day (lovely boy that he is) and i just turned so he got my cheek, not so much because of the germ aspect, just doesnt feel right for me to kiss another child on the lips, i also wouldnt like a childminder/carer kissing my dd on the lips.

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carla · 26/04/2006 07:17

Not that I'm insinuating she has a cold sore, but, well.

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lanismum · 26/04/2006 07:18

i hadnt even thought of cold sores, yuk

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carla · 26/04/2006 07:18

And I've never had one, either, btw! Grin

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lanismum · 26/04/2006 07:19

me either, prob why i didnt think of them Grin

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carla · 26/04/2006 07:31

Sorry to hijack, but is lanismum's dd called Leilani? I love that name. A good chum's called that - she's half Burmese. Can't remember what it means, but it's something lovely.

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lanismum · 26/04/2006 07:36

i was going to call her leilani, but in the end just went for lani, its a hawaiian name as far as i know, and leilani means heavenly child, lani means heaven/sky. Smile

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NotQuiteCockney · 26/04/2006 08:02

Hattie said: "i did have some young students who would merrily sit all day long kissing and cuddling the children rather than actively engaging them in play". The idea of my kids spending their day with adults who would spend all day kissing and cuddling them is great, frankly.

I don't think I tend to kiss other people's kids on the mouth, but I wouldn't mind if carers kissed mine on the mouth. When I was working at the co-op, I would often say good-bye to kids by blowing raspberries on their bellies, but only if they were ok with it. Is that better or worse than kisses?

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jabberwocky · 26/04/2006 09:50

much better!

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carla · 26/04/2006 10:58

Still beautiful, lanismum! Smile

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ThePrisoner · 26/04/2006 20:03

I wouldn't dream of kissing anyone on the lips because I wanted to (it's bad enough with dh).

However, some of my (young) minded children want to kiss me on the lips. Would those of you who are unhappy about other people kissing your children on the lips, because the child wants to do it not the carer, actively discourage this?

It's made me wonder if the minded parents do have a problem with it, even if they haven't said so. I am going to have to ask them now!!

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PoopyNappy · 26/04/2006 20:24

Thanks for all your replies guys.

I went to Nursery tonight and the room supervisor who has known DS since he was 5 months asked for a kiss goodbye....OMG I thought here we go...
I decided to see what would happen and say nothing and simply observe.

DS was in my arms at the time and I was pleased that she turned and let DS kiss her
on the cheek...phew! In fact in front of the carer that kissed him on the lips.

I think really the best way forward is to make a point by telling DS when they ask for a kiss goodbye to 'kiss on the cheek' and then they know to turn rather than smack on the lips.
I guess I just have to be quick!

OP posts:
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lunavix · 26/04/2006 20:30

My ds kisses everyone on the lips, he'd be chasing after the postman for a snog given half the chance (he's just turned 2)

my mindees pucker up to me for a kiss, which I give, and like ds if I turned my head to receive it on the cheek, they grab my face and smooch on my lips! They are both under 3.

Having said that, I'd never offer it. I have to admit I haven't really monitored their mothers reaction, but I've minded them quite a while, and ds kisses her the same way!

If it's making you uncomfortable though, do let them know, and try to train him to kiss on cheeks. But I wouldn't expect them to reject him, iykwim.

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pucca · 26/04/2006 20:35

I have read the OP but not the rest of the thread, i don't like non family members kissing LO's on the lips, i don't know why but i am just not comfortable with it, even some not so close family members i would feel uncomfortable about.It is not hygienic and just makes me shudder tbh.

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morningpaper · 26/04/2006 20:45

I find this thread STRANGE

Before I had kids, I use to think it was "appropriate" to kiss toddlers on the cheek, but I have NEVER managed to do this because they ALWAYS offer sloppy lips instead! It's what they DO!

Perhaps we should train them all to shake hands

p.s. Those of you who never kiss your babies on the lips makes me feel sad
p.p.s. I often play "tongues" with both of mine where we lick each other tongues - is this rude?!
p.p.p.s. My youngest is permanently sucking on my nipples - is THIS rude?

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hulababy · 26/04/2006 20:49

I see no problem with parents, family, friends and main carers kissing children on the lips. TBH most people would have had no other option with DD when little - a big wet kiss on the lips was all she offered! Even now, at just turned 4, she kisses those groups on the lips at times, and other less well known people on the cheek.

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Rainbow · 26/04/2006 20:49

Not read every single detail but....
CRB is not the only check done on a Nursery nurse. There are others including a Social services check. It also applies to teachers so joash, your GS's mother would have a 'bad record' if she is not allowed to keep a child.

The biggest issue that seems to concern most of you is the spread of germs. In a school/nursery environment it is nigh on impossible not to catch something such as a cough or cold. These germs are airbourne or spread through droplets (coughing, sneezing etc).

As for the kissing, he's a child. Let him express his feeling for a carer he obviously really likes without all this snobbery!

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morningpaper · 26/04/2006 20:53

I'll tell you what I DON'T like

when friends' husbands kiss me on the lips

now that's unnecessary

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bubble99 · 26/04/2006 20:55

That is truly creepy, I agree.

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hulababy · 26/04/2006 20:58

Yes MP, think I would definitely agree with that one!

I think it is sad that some mummies and daddies don't kiss their own children on the lips. :(

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panicpants · 26/04/2006 20:59

I've read a couple of posts but not all. I really can't bear it other people other than me and dp give ds a kiss on the lips.

As a teacher it absolutely horrifies me that nursery workers are allowed to do this, for the following reasons 1. hygiene 2. Sorry to say it but it's just not appropriate and gives the message to children that any adult, even ones who aren't part of the family have the right to kiss you on the lips (or worse), it leaves a child vulnerable. 3. The carer is putting herself in a very precarious position.

I hate it that I'm seen to be 'uptight' about this, particulary from family but thats tough, I don't go around kissing their children on the lips.

Teachers and other school staff would be sacked without question if this was to happen in a school. We're not even really allowed to hug or hold a child's hand (although we do at our school). It certainly shouldn't happen in a nursery.

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hulababy · 26/04/2006 21:05

But I think the relationship between babies/preschooler and nursery carer is VERY different to that of child and teacher, speaking as an ex teacher. I certainly see DD's carers are much more important that their teachers will be and I think shows of affection are important in a child's development and reassurance when so little in a nursery, or even a childminder, setting.

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