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Nursery carers kissing kids on lips

176 replies

PoopyNappy · 24/04/2006 22:58

Was shocked when I picked DS up from nursery last week that the carer gace him a kiss on the lips.

Asked a friend of mine if she observed it as well and has seen the same person kissing her DS and others on the lips.

What about passing on illnesses such as meninjitis and other such things. The worst thing was that the carer had a stinking flu type cold at the time and sure enuf several days l8r DS came down with fever, rash and waking through the night. Had goto Dr's twic in one day cos DS got a rash with pinprick blood spots...

Maybe I'm being a prude here but I think kissing on lips is for close family. Kissing on cheeks is fine surely?

I'm gonna have to say something but be very tactful without trying to offend...

Thoughts?

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 24/04/2006 23:16

Have you never seen a child that doesnt want a kiss? Im pretty sure the carer wouldnt have been able to do it if the child didnt.

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PoopyNappy · 24/04/2006 23:16

DS kisses people on cheeks when you tell him.

In this case the carer kissed him. not the other way round.

BTW for those of you like PinkTulips that think this is ok have you ever had a very close family member come down with meningitis at 10 months? well we have and it was horrific and we never want to go through that again.

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bubble99 · 24/04/2006 23:17

FFS. There are some nurseries, sad but true, which 'phone parents to make sure that it is OK to change a soiled nappy. I kid you not! They are protecting themselves from charges of sexual abuse, or so I'm told.

Children are tactile. Normal human development needs touch. Have we really become so sad that any form of touch is seen as potential abuse?

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edam · 24/04/2006 23:17

I was a bit taken aback the first time I saw a nursery worker kissing my ds on the lips. Happy for people who care for him to cuddle and kiss him, but hadn't really thought lips would be involved, somehow.

Ds picked up the habit of kissing on the lips from this nursery assistant. Not terribly keen on it personally - I mean, I don't like kissing anyone apart from dh on the lips - but didn't want to make a fuss and upset someone who clearly did feel affectionate to ds.

As it turned out, she's now ds's nanny. And she's fab. Unfortunately ds picked up kissing on the lips from her which made me squirm when he does it to me. But that's my hang-up. (I do kiss him lots, just not there).

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:21

The issue isn't potential abuse, its just unhygenic and unnecessary. All the nurseries i worked in had a policy of some kind that informed staff not to kiss children on the lips. Not for fear of any kind of abuse allegations - simply to avoid cross spread infection and to respect the views of many parents that kissing on the lips is not the 'norm'.

Receiving cuddles, and one-to-one attention is enough to provide security to children without a need for kissing.
As i said earlier, of course if a child came to kiss me i wouldn't refuse, but i don't think its healthy for staff to actively encourage it.

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LeahE · 24/04/2006 23:24

Meningitis is horrific. But it's spread much more by coughs, sneezes and full-on kissing than by pecks on the lips. Which brings back the issue of whether an obviously ill carer should be in work. The coughs and sneezes you didn't see are far more significant than the kiss you did.

If it makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to ask her not to kiss your ds on the lips, and explaining about your prior experience with meningitis may be a tactful way of broaching the subject.

You did ask for people's thoughts, though.

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bubble99 · 24/04/2006 23:24

Can I make it clear that I do not approach nursery children for kisses! If they approach me for a kiss and go for the lips I assume that this is what they do at home and what is normal for them. Quite often two year old's kisses can catch you unawares and there is no timne to offer a cheek. Can't believe I'm defending this!

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 24/04/2006 23:27

Bubble, there is no need. I have never had a problem with nursery staff being affectionate with my DD. I have always appreciated it tbh. Showed me that there was a bond there etc.

I think people are getting a little hysterical about this.

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edam · 24/04/2006 23:27

I wonder if there's any hard evidence on the hygiene issue, though. How many infections are spread by kissing on the lips which wouldn't already be spreading by close contact? Would banning kissing on the lips actually reduce the number of coughs and colds going round nurseries? I have my doubts. Only risk I can think of is cold sores, but I'd hope anyone with a sore would be sensible enough to keep it away from small children anyway.

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:29

LOL i was accusing you of being the wicked child kisser bubble Smile

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:29

meant to say wasn't Blush

(i'm digging a deeper whole here aren't i !)

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ChicPea · 24/04/2006 23:31

I think its inappropriate. Full stop. Would not allow it and would be mortified there and then. Feel sick thinking about it.

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:32

hole!!! Blush

Stomps off with shame.

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PoopyNappy · 24/04/2006 23:32

Most certainly seeking opinions I knew this would be a contentious posting.

But as we've had meningitis in the family u can understand my concerns.

I don't want to upset anyone's feelings either at Nursery or here, of the other Mum's I know they have said they would be equally concerned as me.

bubble99 - I don't think anyone's accusing you of doing anything wrong here I was just adding some facts to my earlier post.

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ChicPea · 24/04/2006 23:33

What about cold sores?

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starlover · 24/04/2006 23:34

at the end of the day, I think that if it makes you uncomfortable then you should say something!

health risks or whatever are irrelevant. If you don't like it then tell them!

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:37

Its not hysteria at all.

At the end of the day, there may be some people that make your stomach turn ( i know i had a few students that did Blush) and i would feel sick at the thought of them kissing my dd on the lips.

Surely its easier to have a blanket ban on everyone kissing then no worries!

I'm saying this, because i did have some young students who would merrily sit all day long kissing and cuddling the children rather than actively engaging them in play, so the no kissing policy was always very useful in those incidences.

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lockets · 24/04/2006 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cataloguequeen · 24/04/2006 23:40

It would bother me because of cold-sores mate!!

and I feel that kissing on the mouth is for family only too...I think it's a bit cheeky for her to accept a kiss on the lips from your child, I wouldn't unless they were family and it was acceptable to their parents...I tell my daughter to kiss on the cheek if an adult is not her relative maybe you could try this yourself.

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bubble99 · 24/04/2006 23:41

Useful to stop the 'But I love babies!' brigade doing B all, Hattie. But how do you deal with a child that thinks the world of you, as most parents would hope, coming up to you puckered up for a kiss? Do you tell them...." I'm sorry, lovely as the sentiment is, we have a no kissing policy at our nursery so begone with your kisses!"

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lockets · 24/04/2006 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubble99 · 24/04/2006 23:44

Exactly, lockets.

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:44

Bubble, i said earlier, i would always offer a cheek to a child who was volunteering me a kiss the same as you do.

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bubble99 · 24/04/2006 23:46

But surely a 'no kissing policy' policy precludes even that. Or is it OK for the kissee but not the kisser?

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Hattie05 · 24/04/2006 23:46

Unfortunately though, staff turnovers, and large teams, mean you cannot inspect every single adult that may come into contact with your child, students in particular.

And just because you like and trust people - does that mean that you would happily kiss them on the lips?
I believe in only putting my child through something that i would happily do myself.

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