Punishment at nursery for not

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I have been really upset about an incident this week at DS's nursery - DS is 3 this Saturday.

Monday was the first day back and one of the other children had a birthday party so all the children get goody bags. Because DS would not tell the group what presents he had got for christmas the nursery owner withheld his goody bag as a punishment for not joining in. On returning home I also find that whist he is normally very good at going to the toilet, sometime during the day he has wet himself and has not been able to tell anyone either through fear, embarrassment....... His socks, undies etc had started to dry so it was obvious that he had been wet for some considerable time.

The punishment was explained to me as I collected him and I was pretty angry at the time, it wasn't until I got home and reflected on the situation that I really got mad and the following morning had a bit of a set to with the owner - I told her that the issue of not joining was a development rather than a punishment issue and that DS being wet was completely unacceptable. I got a bit upset because I was so angry - isn't it infuriating when that happens!

Anyway sorry for long posting but wondered it I had overreacted

I agree - how appalling. Cruel and bullying behaviour. No-one has the right to demand he discusses any topic, whatever age he is. Poor little fellow. I hope he has had a lovely birthday. I would definitely go to Ofsted about it.

This is unbelievable. Gives nurseries a bad name.

I was really shocked to read your post- it's one of the most disappointing things I have read- that a child should be punished for not sharing his thoughts. It is a complete disgrace. The nursery is supposed to be supporting your child and other children's personal, social and emotional development- not only is this common sense but also as a national requirement as part of the 6 Early Learning goals of the Foundation Stage.

To me, it sounds as if the member of staff was bullying your son into speaking. Absolutely disgusting. Added to this, as classmates would have seen that your child did not get a goody bag, they too are learning the wrong message. Your child didn't hurt anyone, say inappropriate things etc and even if he had, the actions of the staff were completely unappropriate.

I would try and be brave and if you do intend to contact OFSTED, I would let the nursery know my intentions before you leave as the nursery will be crapping themselves and for good reason. Neither you or your child should fear anything as you have done anything.

So sorry that your son had to be treated this way. It really does make my blood boil. Although the staff may be behaving incredibly nice to you right now, letting them know you are going to report the incident- for the sake of your child and others- may well give them a massive kick up the a* both short and long term.

I did report a safety incident to OFSTED at my child's nursery when he kept having unexplained accidents. I felt very awkward and felt sick that my ds was still there as I had no choice but to stay working for financial reasons and other nurseries in the area seemed even worse. I met with the owners who said that it seemed that I was doing a risk assessment every time I walked into the nursery! Since the OFSTED incident, things have improved vastly and my ds seems happy as the nursery have bent over backwards to rectify the issues I presented.

Take care and do stick to your guns, if you can, on this one. Good luck.