I’m so upset by lack of acknowledgment and want to vent!

[BoudiccasCat]

Background: DH works away 2-3 days each week, he stays overnight for the duration. The other 2-3 days he works from home.

I generally work between 20-30 hours a week (sometimes more, sometimes less depending on work load Vs school/kid stuff - I’m self employed).

We have 3 primary/preschool aged children.

When he’s home we share the cooking, washing, chauffeur services for kids clubs etc. I do the majority of the household and family admin and (obviously) do everything for 2-3 days a week. I balance work around the kids and DH working away.

Anyway, I made a comment in conversation, not part of an argument or throwing an accusation, that he works away for half the working week. DH took offence to this comment and said it makes him sound like a “deadbeat dad who swans off without any responsibility” but he DOES work away for half the working week and by denying that I felt it minimises my contribution. I DO look after the kids and balance work on my own for half the working week. I don’t whinge about it but some weeks are hard and chaotic if there’s anything out of the ordinary routine (the weeks leading up to Christmas were bonkers).

So, I’m upset by the lack of acknowledgment.

He works away presumably earning a higher wage and does his fair share upon his return? Sounds like a pretty fair balance to me. Do you ever acknowledge his contribution? Do you tell him how much you appreciate him working hard? Do you actually know how he feels about being away? My DH sometimes has to do similar and hates being away. He would much rather be at home and involved in family life.

I mean ‘it’s just your lives isn’t it’?
you both chose to have kids I assume - has his job changed ? Do you want him to find another one where he’s at home more?

I work away (I’ll be away Thursday and Friday this week, then Monday and Tuesday in a different location.
Kids are older - but I only expect to come back to a semi decent house, milk and bread in (so I can have tea and toast in the morning) and some washing done.
i do not feel guilty for being away - it’s my job, it pays for everything. He doesn’t thank me for earning the money that pays for stuff - and vice versa.