I got pregnant from a short-term situationship due to failed contraception. Told the dad and he said he needed space to process the news. Should I just cut my losses with him or wait to hear from him? If so how long would you wait to hear?

[Ellemum93]

So was dating someone for a few months. We both had our STI status cleared and tested, and I had contraception too. Sadly it failed (don't want to specify too much). Because he got ill with a progressive muscle illness we decided to stop the relationship developing because it would be difficult to travel and such to see one another.

Came home and went to see the doctor as felt off and had pink spotting. Turns out I am nearly 5 weeks pregnant and have now booked for a 6 week scan. I told the father over text (as didn't have much signal in the hospital) and felt he had a right to know. Told him I was pregnant, he was the only person I had slept with and that at present I was in the mindset to keep it and would want to discuss financial support, but also gave him the option to get involved (I am 31, good job, own a home, always wanted to be a parent). I did say to him due to my own health conditions (cardiovascular) I also didn't want to argue. Due to my own health I also had to stay overnight in hospital (high blood pressure)

All he replied was "I saw this message. I need time to process this. I'll speak to you soon."

Not much empathy but I also get it with shock and in a way feel it was better than him attacking me, denying it, getting angry and having a go?

I want to be clear that I have NO intention of having a relationship with him at this moment in time nor 'trapping him', and I am excited to also just concentrate on myself, eat well, take vitamins, and look after myself.

I have AMAZING parents and support circle if I do choose to go at this alone, but I also feel like I'd want the support of the father. Therefore I wanted to ask how long should I wait to hear back from him? Is it bad to want to hear back before the first scan especially as I'll want to see if I need any info from him re medical history and also be able to set expectations if he does want to be involved?

I am NOT looking for judgment or rude comments, just simple advice OR to hear from anyone else who has been in a similar situation.

** Also you may have been given a ultrasound scan regarding the severe pain and pos test just to double check you wasn’t further along and it was eptopic

sorry missed that out but you wasn’t offered one.

Hi

ok interesting! UK based, originally went through 101, went to an emergency clinic, blood and urine test confirmed pregnancy, rang my GP, explained form of failed birth control (the coil) and they booked in for a form of scan to locate it so they can remove it and so it can’t harm the pregnancy / propose a risk to it. I’ve had problems sadly with the NHS processes before so actually if you can message me directly it would be appreciated. Had an ectopic when I was 18 also.

That's very bad luck to get pregnant with the coil. It's good they've removed it.

I think it's very early days too.

He might think that you got pregnant intentionally.

You rang the non emergency police for medical advice?
Typo obviously 😂

It surprises me they removed the coil though. When I conceived my DD with the coil insitu, once a scan confirmed the location of the pregnancy, it was left in. Removal wasn’t an option because it could have ended the pregnancy (which, although a surprise, was very much wanted by this point).

I guess procedure is different for different NHS trusts.

We hooked up a few weeks ago.

but you broke up 2 weeks ago?

and your title suggests it was a proper relationship of a few months

op you already have a child presumably going by your username?

He regretted she didn't tell him from the get-go

you had just found out your were 5 weeks pregnant, cramping and in hospital

i think waiting a few hours for when you had signal to tell him over the phone would have been regarded as telling him from the “get go”

Op, it's definitely you again😂

IUD fail, uk based and he's US based. I'm not sure how you're 5 weeks pregnant though, given you posted 2 weeks ago. Is this the same pregnancy?

UK based? As you called it the emergency room up thread I assumed US based.

You did very well to get seen by a Gynae and contact your GP on a Sunday/bank holiday Monday.

Still surprised they havnt requested a repeat Hcg test ( the blood test) as other wise if would have been useless. They already knew you were pregnant from the urine tests - there is no need for a blood test to confirm twice unless it’s to measure the rise in Hcg which should double over a 48 hour period.

Sorry about the previous eptopic - this is why I’m confused that this isn’t being treated as a suspected eptopic. Severe pain, bleeding and previous eptopic should have had them concerned and discussing this with you. This is why the repeat Hcg test is so important because it will let them know there is a pregnancy progressing but at this point they won’t be able to see where as it’s too early.

Have you done another pregnancy test since the one over the bank holiday?

I hate to be cynical but I am very surprised with the speed at which everything has happened, including confirmation of the pregnancy, removal of the IUD, gynae referral over a bank holiday weekend, and the entire scenario managed by (presumably 111). I used to work for 111 (registered nurse) and although we would pass your call onto a midwife, I don't think any action would be taken at such an early stage and with the symptoms described.

However, if everything is as stated, then I wish you a healthy and safe pregnancy. With regards to the father, it's is obvious he doesn't want to be involved, and you will just have to hope any prenatal testing rules out a genetic disorder in your child.

I (F/31) found out I'm pregnant he (M/32) has me blocked and has no social media. What is the best way to contact him now? (through his family, a friend of mine maybe option) www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/5062466-i-f31-found-out-im-pregnant-he-m32-has-me-blocked-and-has-no-social-media-what-is-the-best-way-to-contact-him-now-through-his-family-a-friend-of-mine-maybe-option

Very similar situation to the above.... lots of good advice on that thread too!

Why the rush to confirm financial support arrangements? You are barely pregnant, you seem overly keen to get commitment from him "locked in". For a casual fling you seem on completely different pages....

It's literally op, even down to saying 'uk based' rather than 'I'm in the Midlands'.

There's no rule against posting twice, so ok, fine. Nor changing details like pregnancy gestation I guess. But we're all going to give the exact same advice as before...

i doubt the op will be back

but i’m left with feeling sympathy for the chap in this equation

He may need time to speak to his own family, and potentially his own doctors to confirm whether there is any hereditary risk and think about what he wants to do before he comes back to you. I'd give him a week to digest before finding another way to contact him.

How odd. Seems to be the same story but written by two different people 🤯

i imagine indicative of the OP having health the issues beyond her heart

She got proper pissy with me earlier in the thread when I referenced MS being the potential babydaddy's health condition. Yet both threads are remarkably similar, including the lengthy thread title.

oh it is for sure

Yep, so disingenuous, and insultingly dismissive of people's time and advice.

The whole thing reads like the OP desperately wants the drama of a pregnancy/connection to this man, rather than the more disappointing truth that she will end up being a single mum chasing her co-parent for attention for the next 18 years.

That's if the pregnancy is even real, the OP seems to have disappeared...

It’s probably all a fantasy. Poor woman, she needs a better hobby than this.

You told him you were pregnant and needed to talk money in the same text...