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Original poster

Afro hair is not allowed in primary school

295 replies

Mumkris · 07/09/2018 16:10

Hello everyone,
I am really struggling to understand why my son’s hair is not allowed in school. He is biracial and he loves his gorgeous curly hair. His primary school, however insists that he should cut it or plait his hair as it’s causing a distraction and they “cannot have that”?!
I read their hair policy and there is nothing against that. His hair is long but not long enough to be tied back. It is what it is - natural!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 08/09/2018 22:16

What's that got to do with the price of fish, Aint?

Aintgottimetobleed · 09/09/2018 00:13

When I was a boy it was my father who decided when I got my hair cut, and what style. It was a good time for father-son bonding.

Do the BME girls in the school have hair extensions/dreads?

Original poster
Mumkris · 09/09/2018 00:14

His father says that our son has been given 2 options and he should choose one. He says he needs to plait it.
His father likes to shave his hair. Easy choice and no maintenance. Very standard.

A few years ago I chose the easy option. I made our son to cut his hair off. Never again! He wasn’t happy. He knows what he wants. He says if he must decide between the two options he will plait his hair. Are you feeling the pressure? It is hard to resist.

He says he doesn’t like the term “colour”. If he has to choose, he will choose “other”. He says I am not white and I am not black. I think that explains his preference - I don’t want my dads bold style and I don’t have my mums hair. He says I just want to be me. Let him be.

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 09/09/2018 00:25

Your son has obviously thought it through, OP, and his choice is eminently reasonable and defensible. I hope the school backs off their position and perhaps considers having some cultural competence training for staff.

Aintgottimetobleed · 09/09/2018 00:58

Is hair a big thing for their culture?

Original poster
Mumkris · 09/09/2018 01:50

Bigger than we can imagine

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/09/2018 02:03

How is hair distracting?
He's not setting it on fire in class, is he?

Dommina · 09/09/2018 02:38

I think some people have missed ops point, but that seems to be clearing up. Your sons hair is not long enough to be tied back so not against policy! Go educate them. Definitely racist x

MaisyPops · 09/09/2018 06:29

How is hair distracting?
Hair can be distracting and a nuisance at times, but last time I explained how on this thread people decided to ignore the fact I was explaining how hair can be distracting and reply 'ummm have you ever seen an afro?'

Basically, long hair can flop in front of faces, fringes get in eyes, get in the way when people are doing things, a child learning would be better off without having to clear their hair out the way every few minutes. This plus trying to prevent nits spreading means sometimes schools will have a long hair tied up rule.

inquiquotiokixul · 09/09/2018 06:39

@thecapitalsunited
@CelticDad Rules which can't be followed unless you are white or which require you to spend time and money on making yourself conform to white beauty standards are most definitely racist.

This.

The problem is the policy is being interpreted by a person with a racist attitude to African hair.

The policy itself is mostly fine it just needs a minor tweak - "hair that is long enough to be tied back in a ponytail or similar must be tied back." - currently if it just says "long" without defining a meaning that leaves room for misunderstanding.

OP's son's hair is not long enough to be tied back so is fine as it is.

This reminds me of a scene in Firefly with Shepherd Book. It's #9 in

TheRoomWithAView · 09/09/2018 07:32

If my daughter was at the school I assume she’d have to tie back her hair once it got to a longish bob length/chin length. Fine. If your sons hair isn’t yet at his chin then he doesn’t need to tie back his hair. There are plenty of women who have very very curly hair whose hair would grow in a similar kind of shape (and would be much longer if you pulled a strand shape) but I can’t imagine they’d ask them to braid it!

AJPTaylor · 09/09/2018 07:42

I think they are on dodgy ground. If its not in his eyes, or long and loose they have no grounds.
Outside my experience but assume braids are tight and itchy? I have seem plenty of kids of all ages with afros.

sashh · 09/09/2018 08:16

Because mixed race people usually take after the darker skinned parent more than the white parent (assuming that’s the mix we are talking about.)

That's simply not true, and racist (in the mildest, unintentional more of ignorance type sense).

You only notice the mixed race child/adult if they are not black or white. My friend's daughter and grandchildren are all white. When her dd was in trouble at school my friend would go ad the school would assume my friend was the step mother.

Anyway this is getting way of topic.

It might be worth another thread, although would have to be well moderated, about stereotypes / reality.

Aintgottimetobleed · 09/09/2018 08:20

I don't think the school is being racist; we live in changed times now. I would try and keep the teachers on board. You don't want your son's card to be marked.

msspotty · 09/09/2018 08:40

'We live in changed times'????
Explain?
So OP should just cut her child's hair off so that 'his cards aren't marked'
Wow.

Aintgottimetobleed · 09/09/2018 08:49

We don't see race in the UK anymore. If it's a choice between doing well in school or getting hair cut, you get the hair cut. Shouldn't have to think about it.

RebelRogue · 09/09/2018 08:50

We don't see race in the UK anymore.

And we have Bingo!

Dottierichardson · 09/09/2018 09:15

We don't see race in the UK anymore. Yep we do have bingo. The inclusive 'We' in that sentence presumably refers to 'white' people, since there have been more than enough posters on this thread who have put forward their own experiences of racism and so cannot be included in that use of, 'We'. Therefore the assumption is that 'white' people dictate what is/isn't racism in this country, and so by association that this is a 'white' country.

msspotty · 09/09/2018 10:12

I'm happy you live in such a lovely bubble.

Original poster
Mumkris · 09/09/2018 10:17

I am in a place now when I am ready to fight. If I am right I will win. I am very grateful for your support here. I don’t have to please anyone. I understand not everyone gets me. My son’s emotional well-being is more important to me. I am not doing this because I want to fight, I am doing this to support him. I can’t pretend we don’t have a problem here. We do. I can’t say to him, oh just do as they told you. No. I say, don’t lose yourself by trying to please everyone around you. There might be other people who will feel better if the school allowed them to have their afros.
I know girls who think they can’t even get out of the house because their Afro hair is not done. I can go out without brushing my hair, nobody cares.

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 09/09/2018 10:17

Aintgottime - if academic success at a school is reliant purely upon length of hair, then the school have a seriously skewed concept of education.

Why do the rules require short hair for one pupil and not for another?

It's all very well to say 'conform or be damned' but seriously does nobody else ever ask why? Why do I need to have short hair to attend your school? Why do I need to have 'naturally coloured hair' to work in the back office?

And as for school preparing children for adult life and the workplace, not everyone wants to work 9-5 in an office, spending hours commuting. Some want to be doctors, or pilots, or archaeologists, or architects...

Bubblemumma1 · 09/09/2018 10:33

@Aintgottimetobleed who is “We”? My kids (4 and 2yrs) and I are called the N word quite frequently where we live. We live in Greater Manchester. We have racist remarks flung in our direction when we’re out and about too. Surprisingly nothing is said when we’re with my husband Hmm I can assure you that a good number of people in the UK see race.

OP I wouldn’t cut your son’s hair. Absolutely no way, would I force my son to cut off his afro or plait his hair because of school when he reaches X age or grows out his afro to X. For very obvious reasons that I’m Confident have been explained over and over again on this thread.

I wear my afro most days of the week and plait my hair myself the few days that I’m in work for safety reasons. I wore my afro in high school in this country some years ago without any problems from the Decent Hair Police (including 2 schools which had less than 5 black students).
I’m very tender-headed, as are both my DC and wouldn’t ever insist on anyone other than myself attending to their hair, especially when it takes such a long time to plait their/my hair too.

I’m wondering where other students with afros have agreed to cut/plait their hair when asked to in the past....

jewel1968 · 09/09/2018 11:13

'We don't see race in the UK anymore. If it's a choice between doing well in school or getting hair cut, you get the hair cut. Shouldn't have to think about '

Can you explain the link between length of hair and pupil attainment?

If a pupil is inclined to be distracted by their hair I suspect if that hair is removed they will find other ways to distract themselves. Looking out the window was my favourite.

RiverTam · 09/09/2018 11:35

I take it that poster is white. Probably exactly the kind of person who this is aimed at
www.amazon.co.uk/Longer-Talking-White-People-About/dp/1408870584?tag=mumsnetforum-21

SheSparkles · 09/09/2018 11:42

So your son’s hair is a distraction?
To me that sounds like the teacher cannot fully engage the class’ attention. I think words are needed with the teacher about their techniques rather than with you about your son’s hair....but that wouldn’t be the easy option would it

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