Is my wife a alcoholic? Am I over reacting?

[Chapman198]

Hi
So I've been with my wife for two years we recently got married and ive got three kids from my previous straight relationship.
We moved in together last year and I moved 1hour and 20 minutes away from the where I was originally from.
When we first met she use to drink a few cans most night only two or three and it was never an issue, she smoked weed and it never bothered me. She comes from a drinking family. I don't. I do however and have done in the passed go on nights out and drink more than I should with the girls.
But I don't drink in the house and never when I'm with my kids. Never took drugs ever
Slowly I noticed that her drinking got earlier in the day. And more regular over time.
If we didn't have the money to buy beers she would just go and it from her mums or sisters or worse lend money to buy it.

I've always been open about the fact I have bpd and suffer with depression a lot and since I've been married her drinking has become a lot worse and it has effected my depression much more.
We live out the way you see
And I can't drive so I can't go anywhere unless she takes us out and she prioritises drink on her days off. I worked it out that I've left the house other than the school run with is a hop skip n a jump from my door
2 times in 22 days
And it's getting really frustrating.
I clean up make tea and lay in my bed when the kids r at school
Nothing else to do
I'm depressed

So lately last few months it goes like this
She drinks about 2-6 per night mon - Thursday and the Friday- Sunday it's 8-12
She doesn't eat until she has had a drink
So she finishes work at 5:30 through the week
Weekends she will open one at 8am
She drinks then eats then sleeps then wakes up really angry and takes it out on me
Her temper is awful her tongue is vile
I've been called all the names under the sun
She leaves me wel threathens to leave me all the time and comes back or turns it round and refuses to leave
It's never her fault
I'm to blame because of the way I am

I don't know what to do?
I've spoken to her today after work she hadn't had a drink she was in pain because she wasn't drinking
She admitted she has a problem with drink
Then later on the iron fell on me and I was crying she was asking if I was ok and I snapped because I was in so much pain and crying
Well it caused world war three she tried to smash my sons tablet up
She doesn't have a drink problem now 😯
It's me
She packed a bag after throwing the fruit bowl over my kitchen and waking my oldest child up
Minutes later returned to begged me not to kick her out but by this point I'd had enough and I told her I was scared and she needed to leave
I thought she was going to hit me
She said if she left she will never see me again
She left
Minutes later she bagging my door down
She needs her charger

She's at her mums house my guess drinking
Ringing and texting
I've lost the best thing in my life apparently and I'll see that soon to I'm sorry I'll make it better

I'm just like wtf do I do

Someone please help me

Can I ask. Do your 3 children live with you and your current wife? Do you also have children with your current wife? If so, the stresses placed on your wife may well be overwhelming her so much that she simply cannot cope. 3 children and a husband with bpd must be quite a challenge - how does she interact with your ex, I wonder? Wife clearly feels responsible, possibly suffers low self-esteem and perhaps never addressed her own issues in childhood so this may well contribute to the cause of her alcohol excess.
In the case of her being violent. Has she done this before? If so, then on this point alone, I would advise that she needs to leave. Next time might be fatal and it might not be you. Further, that if Social Services ever get wind of it they may consider taking, what they will interpret as "unprotected" children into care. Depending on your view, you might want to stay well away from SS.
Unfortunately, your wife appears to have faced a public stoning on here by some and this doesn't help you one bit. There is an organisation you might like to try called FamilyLives who are based in Hampshire. If they can't help you they will signpost you. Otherwise, give Turn2Us a call to see if there are any Charities which offer support to those with complex family needs and, say cognitive behavioural therapy (there definitely will be). I am of the view that the less people involved in your situation the better. You will get through this, both of you, but you may well have to deal with some of these issues separately e.g. detox, counselling, etc., Good Luck.

Makes me so angry.

You have three children but thought it would be a good idea to move in with someone who:-
You’d been together with for just a year;
Lived 1 hour 20 mins from you precious home (and presumably children schools and friends);
You knew smoked weed; and
You have BPD so even more important to make decisions with your children st your forefront becosuse they’re already having to deal with things that BPD presents them with

This woman is an alcoholic.

But you are a mother of 3. For goodness sakes, put them first.

How dare you judge me
You have no idea what my life is like
And what my bpd presents
And what my kids see

My kids come first full stop

Get off your high horse woman

Hampshire girl thank you

I'm a woman also xxx

Chapman198

Read your OP
You can honestly say that it sounds like a good environment for your children?

You are damn right I’ll judge you.

I agree with Wishing. You know she is an alcoholic and you know she shouldn't be around your children. You can't fix her so you need to ask her to leave and come back when she's sober.

You definitely aren’t overreacting. I love a glass of wine but the idea of anything at all in the morning let alone 8am is very worrying as is the fact it’s affecting her behaviour. Do you think her mum could help you by talking sense into her and having a gentle conversation if she doesn’t listen to you?
I’m sorry as you clearly still love her and it sounds hard

You are going to have to take at look at yourself, too, my love. Can't be easy on the children who had both hetrosexual parents together before being thrust, whether they liked it or not, into a new relationship with two lesbians. Please don't take offence but who knows whether you'll switch back to being hetrosexual. I always thought gays were born that way? At least they'd have continuity ! but switching from left to right with young people involved, their heads must be very confused.... you need to nip it in the bud and call FamilyLives who will help you as a family. Otherwise, it won't be long before the children start exhibiting behavioural issues at school and the pond will widen. Do, for heavens' sake get help for BOTH of you even if it means separating for six months. Take Care. There is no blame here.