Hi, we have a son, just turned 3.
Wife has never had a paid job nor is interested, so we agreed we would do it the traditional way, full-time home mum and loving wife, and I work to support everyone.
I am totally comfortable with this, and I think it beats pre-three year old nursery costs. My issue is I don't think she is doing her 'full-time mummy' job.
She is happy to let him watch TV for 8 to 12 hours a day. She will usually watch with him, but most likely be playing with a phone and not really engaging with anything he is watch.
The house is usually a mess and I prefer things a bit (but not obsessively) at least put back in their place.
She does not make her bed and clothes are left everywhere, at least she does not sleep with her dirty clothes on/in the bed anymore.
I've begged her to get out of the house and make some friends. Or we can put him in nursery a bit more than the 2 afternoons per week and she get a little job. She gave up this idea after a few failed interview.
We tried morning nursery sessions but found she couldn't usually get him there on time, even though the nursery was very literally 5 minutes walk. Often the morning session was a waste of money.
Yes she struggles to get up in the morning. I saw posts about mums worrying they are too lazy for breakfast but only give banana and yogurts in the morning. What? You actually get up? Breakfast? And I suppose you even get dressed and dress him in the morning too.? :O
My son seems to be smart and I try to spend as much time with him as possible, but not easy managing the wife, the house, all paperwork, and a demanding full-time job with lots of overtime.
I just think and wish she should do more. I have tried to talking with her, and sometimes it helps, at least for a few days. And then things revert back to normal.
She does not care about being even slightly orderly. For example dirty nappies (not even in bags, which are in her bedside draw) can stay in her room for days at end. I am fed up of having to step over them and often will bin them myself just because I don't like that she and my son sleep with them around. Sometimes I try to leave some in the doorway so its more obvious. Sometimes she may then notice, but not always. PS this explains why we don't sleep in the same room.
Just so I am not being overly basis, here are some plus points:
- She does cook evening meals (not always though), we eat out 1-3 times a week.
- In the last year or so she can load the dishwasher, sometimes empty it (so some progress there)
- Also in the last year she now gets dressed before 11am.
- She can now order food online if I am too busy to go to the supermarkets
- She studied BSc Preschool Education (although she said she never wants to use it again after working as an unpaid trainee for a year), but it helps in some ways with our son.
..ALL of which I am VERY grateful for and in some way makes up for other lazy areas, but after 6 years, its been a long journey to get this far.
And just to clarify she is a healthy 27 year old, and these problems have been with us for years.
We now have a second on the way, which was not so planned consider we struggle in every way (not just financially) with just one. So I want to seek help now.
I am ambitious with my career so we have not had problems in the past, but recently the there have been a lot of interference which caused issues with my work and at this rate I am very tempted to sell the house and car, quit the job, apply for a council house and just be a great dad. (not sure what to do with the wife at this point, other than support her through the pregnancy).