Hadley Freeman in Sunday Times 12 Jan

27 replies

VioletIndigoBlueGreen · 12/01/2025 12:19

Middle aged people like to have a label to blame, but life's not that simple: www.thetimes.com/article/6578b4e5-9d0c-423a-bded-1fde07edc2e7?shareToken=a8ca65a2cd8bc79e992dd9c6a8e3da86

I came on here to see if anyone else had started a thread. I normally rate Hadley's views, but found this quite lacking in empathy.

I received an ASD diagnosis in 2022 aged 44 and haven't told anyone beyond my husband and teenager as I don't think my wider family or friends would necessarily understand. I'd kind of resolved to try to be more open about this (especially with my parents) in the coming year, but this article enforces my worst suspicions that everyone who doesn't live with me will think it's a fad and I'm making a fuss about nothing.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

OP posts:

OhBling · 13/01/2025 13:52

VioletIndigoBlueGreen · 13/01/2025 13:16

@OhBling thanks for sharing those examples. I think this is the kind of disclosing I'm aiming for too. I haven't shared with work because I work in a sector where ND is very common and have a very autonomous role so no need for further accommodations.

I wouldn't feel a need to share with all and sundry socially either, but perhaps just one or two close friends if the circumstances were relevant.

I would like to share with my parents as we are very close and I feel that not mentioning this is a huge thing. However, they're unlikely to understand and/or might start to worry about this from their own perspective which feels like an unnecessary burden to put on them.

When I was diagnosed, the advice I was given was not to share too quickly or too widely as you can't then unshare. I've only told my husband and teenager, and this was mid 2022, so I think I've yet to hit on the right level of sharing really.

That's it exacly - if you don't need accomodations from friends, family or colleagues, it's not necessary. Those accomodations might be increased understanding or sympathy, or they may be practical, but either way, if you don't need them, what's the value in discussing it? I had my gallbladder out 20 years ago - it's completely irreelvant to anyone I know today so its a part of my personal and medical history that I keep to myself but it's not some big secret either. Came up the other day when discussing the joys of morphine as pain relief in hospital!

One thing I've found is that there are times when it seems to come up a lot. eg when I was first pregnant - I quickly realised that it was going to impact a load of things that just hadn't featured as an issue before from the selection of our pram to how I would manage the baby. So pretty much my entire NCT class are aware of it because it just kept coming up - for example, I literally cannot fold down most prams because I don't have sufficient strength. Similarly, I can't pick up and place most folded prams in a car because I don't have the right combination of movement and strength. DH and I had to choose a very lightweight pram that separated into two even more lightweight pieces for this reason. So there were definitely times when I was in charge of managing mltiple babies while someone else was handling the prams, for example! Small, but frequent in those days!

JoeySchoolOfActing · 13/01/2025 14:36

@VioletIndigoBlueGreen I can really see your dilemma. The reactions from a couple of people in my life hasn't made me feel great tbh. On the other hand, it felt good to share with a couple of friends who have known me a long time and are probably ND themselves.

I relate absolutely to what you said here:

"Anyone who doesn't live with me wouldn't see the daily struggles that I go through to get through the day"

It's like not only do they not believe in my diagnosis but they've also never heard of masking...

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