How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

I would recommend getting some investigations into period pain, requesting an ultrasound as all too often GP’s won’t do anything for period pain unless you push.

Absolutely this and I’m so sorry you experienced this.

@Newsenmum thanks. It's quite a few years ago now and I'm fitter and healthier than before my treatment. So not all bad!🙂

they can

That's for the DWP to judge, not you or me.

most people are found to have it

Anyone who says "well, we're all a little bit on the spectrum" is a) clueless, b) offensive in the extreme, and c) contributing to the OP's fears.

Did you consult your GP about this highly abnormal bleeding pattern? It's not something that you should expect yourself to just put up with.

Maybe but I am allowed an opinion on the matter

The OP was diagnosed as a child. Twenty, thirty, forty years ago, no one was diagnosing autism in girls. I was referred for not socialising properly at school and even then I wasn't diagnosed.

For the OP to be diagnosed as a child whilst female, she must be highly affected by her autism from an early age. And she's diagnosed, so the "two-thirds don't work" is based on the cohort of diagnosed people that she's part of.

Your opinion doesn't matter. It's DWP who will decide whether OP is capable of working.

@caringcarer This was what I was thinking of when I asked if you'd seen a GP. Too often, women are expected to just put up with disabling levels of pain and haemorrhaging because it's gynaecological and therefore not "real" (aka something that can also affect men) illness.

We have to advocate for ourselves and it sucks.

and I am allowed my human rights

It would appear that nobody cares about your uninformed opinion, which you only posted to be cruel.

Absolutely.

OP, I really feel for you and think you need to worry less about other people's viewpoint regards your working capacity and just focus on what you know you can do right now.

The conditions you have aren't usually what the DWP care about. It's how it impacts you and what you struggle with each day. It's important you speak your truth regarding how difficult it is for you each day and stop feeling guilt or shame. Every Autistic person is unique like every NT person and although the struggles may be familiar in some ways, the severity of it and how it impacts everyone is wildly different.

People are generally arseholes and get very upset about the benefit system when they feel it being misused according to their definition of what constitutes fit for work.

Lose the guilt or shame. It's other people feeding it.

If mumsnet thought my post was bullshit it would have been removed a long time ago.
all you’re doing is causing trouble

@catphone I wasn't addressing you

So? You were referring to me and commenting on my thread with incorrect information

@catphone You cannot control what is said so stop wasting your time trying

Of course I did. I was given tablets. I think called tranamemic acid or something like that. I sometimes happens just st before menopause. I lost a whole period in 2 days. I was glad when they stopped.

More like stop trying to waste my time

I’m sending you a big hug OP ❤️ You have been brave and honest about how you’re feeling, putting your head above the parapet.
My ds, 20, is very similar to you. It’s extremely difficult to cope with what you have to, on a daily basis, and non neuro divergent people will simply not get it . They’re the lucky ones . Take the pressure off yourself and please don’t beat yourself up for not working just now to fulfil others expectations. Liberate yourself from this unnecessary stress.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ❤️xx

She was clearly harassing her, making unsubstantiated, defamatory claims about her and encouraging other people to follow her all over MN.
Regardless of whether you call it stalking or just trolling, it's against terms of service, considered a serious matter and she has probably been banned.
It appears you are hinting at making similar claims. Not a good idea.

I was going to go through the comments tonight and take notes but it’ll have to be at about lunch time. I’m too tired now and it took a while to calm down