How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

And for clarification, I follow absolute beginners cardio workouts on YouTube. Everyone supporting me is aware of the exercise I do, so I don't know why you've decided that there's an issue.

@sparkorstill I don't know. I run 6k a day and walk 5 so do about 24,000 steps. I am probably unusual in that. I started initially as part of my recovery from chemo. It can affect circulation and tightens the veins. My veins were visibly tight and hardened. Not now. That level of activity I have found beneficial in these circumstances. I'm thinking of exercise s a treatment rather than lack of exercise being the problem.

But the ops's health issues are different to mine. Just trying to throw stuff out there which might help.

I don't know. It seems like you're trying to find ways to undermine me and say that my situation isn't as bad as it is or that I'm not doing enough to help myself (I'm responding to sparkorstill).

And for clarification, I follow absolute beginners cardio workouts on YouTube. Everyone supporting me is aware of the exercise I do, so I don't know why you've decided that there's an issue.

@catphone, I've not. I think your cardio workouts sound great! 👍

I'm just talking about the ways specific exercises might be able to tackle some of the problems you have mentioned. No accusations there.

I've just seen this comment about the oil. I didn't know that. Currently I take salt baths for the joint pain but I'll try that

Hi Op,

I do wonder if you had worked, part time or a day a week or even volunteered during these years you've been inactive. I feel your situation has been made worse due to the isolation at home and the lack of contact with people therefore you've had too much time to think.

I'm also not referring to the money when talking about working. Lots of people's struggled at home during covid either working remotely or not at all. I feel like you need a purpose to help you find your sense of belonging. I do wish you well.

Do you have children?

Just so you know I wasn't responding to you I was responding to sparkorstill

OP I say this respectfully but it does come across as if you are talking yourself into never working and not looking at ways in which you could work. There are all manner of jobs out there and there must be one out there that will be suitable for your needs but you have to make the effort to find them.

I don't have a grand child. I have one child that I got from being in an abusive relationship where I was raped. Can you stop speaking for me. It's really weird that you're following me around and trying to undermine me.

I aim to do 10k steps a day. I aim to do 25-30minute pilates or cardio a day. I can't always.
I was advised to try and walk and exercise by a physiotherapist to prevent my hypermobility/joint pain from getting worse.
I still experience a lot of joint pain and inflammation.

@catphone, sounds like a brilliant start! You might find this article interesting. It details the difference intensity (low intensity being very beneficial) can make with regards to reducing inflammation.

www.championseverywhere.com/niko-niko-pace-gentle-path-success/

Anecdotally my sciatica pain did decrease over time (year or so to fully recover) with the slow running, walking and some strength and stretching exercises.

I also take cold baths. I don't know whether you have looked /experimented with into cold water therapy.

What thread? And I didn’t lose my disability benefit. I don’t think I’m getting the rate I’m entitled to. And that’s going to tribunal

Just so you know I wasn't responding to you I was responding to sparkorstill

@catphone, no worries, it can get a bit difficult to decipher with all the two and fro! I just wanted to make sure you knew I don't intend any criticism and I think your cardio workouts are definitely making some very positive steps regarding your mental and physical health. 👍

have you never heard of twisting a few details to try and remain a bit more anonymous in a place that you give a lot of information about yourself? I don’t have a daughter.
it’s clear you’ve gone through my search history trying to find discrepancies or ways to undermine and tell me that what I’ve said wasn’t true.
you’re not here to help as you’ve said, you’re just causing me stress. Why don’t you leave as you said.

Sorry typo there!🤦‍♀️ I meant I think you are making some very positive steps ( not just with regards to cardio although that is very good 😊)