I gave up the school run and I feel Amazing but MIL thinks I’m lazy

[Feelsomuchbetter]

I have ASD and ADHD . I struggle a lot. The school run has been hell for me. Dh drives past the school on his way to work so 3 months ago I asked him to please take the dc instead of me doing it. He was previously leaving 10 mins before we had to now he drops dc at breakfast club a bit earlier.

I feel SO much better. I’ve been able to wean myself off AD and I’m not mentally ruined by 9 am . MIL has been saying it’s not fair on dh !!!! That he should have a calm drive to work not stopping off at all ?? Dh is fine to do it he doesn’t mind, hasn’t complained .

@thatdidnothappen

The op has been on anti depressants which implies I'll health to me.

How on earth do you get from the op not doing the school run to her detaching herself from her children.

I have a back problem and I crack on. But today I have been totally overwhelmed by stuff that is going on at home. My mental health has taken a battering over the last 7 weeks- so yes I gave into it and have spent most of the day in bed doing the bare minimum.

The op and her husband have reached an arrangement, she is recovering, her mistake was to expect a bit of empathy from other women

I have empathy for everyone but if someone chooses to have children then they have a responsibility to them. Op doesn't work but now also won't take the children to school or pick them up so husband has to do it making all their days longer. It is not fair to always palm responsibilities on to another person.
I have my own struggles but certain things we just have to do even if we don't enjoy it.

I’m quite shocked by that. People use wheelchairs because walking is impossible, damaging, difficult or painful.

But you’d have them walk because otherwise the world revolves around them.

I hope you don’t manage anyone at work.

So, your son shouldn’t have children as there’s a risk the other parent may have to make reasonable adjustments?

Same for other people with disabilities. They shouldn’t have kids?

But the children are in breakfast club and after school club so the playground is not over run I don't understand this at all. The playground will be empty so I don't understand why the op has a problem with it.

Sorry but I find this absolutely crazy! I have both autism and ADHD but £90 a week on the extra childcare and you volunteering in a hospital but being unable to do a school run? It doesn’t add up

Edith - you’re misunderstanding or misinterpreting; not sure which.

People might use wheelchairs because walking is impossible or because it is painful or hard as you’ve said.

No one is suggesting they should be made to walk miles but there is no need to be ‘shocked’ by pointing out that we need to do things that are difficult / hard, because the alternative is worse.

I actually feel I’m a better mum now. I’m more present in the mornings not rushing and stressed I can talk to the dc and help them get ready etc, the same with after school. I don’t need to take myself off to be alone at all now as I feel so much better and I don’t have my side effects from the antidepressants they made me feel foggy and slow and yet my mind was still racing I have more awareness and clarity in my mind since coming off them.

The dc seem really happy and they genuinely love school. After school club has lovely activities they are having a great time

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time on here OP. I find it shocking to see how much people don’t understand what it’s like to live with autism and ADHD.

even when I quote that only 22% of autistic adults are in any kind of work, people double down on the lazy slur.

we have a long way to go before people really truly understand. People assume that you’re making it up or “just not getting on with things”.

It’s so hard. Already it’s hard enough to live with ND and then to be regularly judged by NT people. It’s no wonder so many have C-PTSD.

We are rejected over and over and over again and told to just get on with things.

People don’t see our worth. None of the things that ND has given them like the phones they type their nasty judgemental messages on. Steve Jobs, on the spectrum, Mark Zuckerberg, on the spectrum, Bill Gates, on the spectrum, Elon Musk, on the spectrum. Four of the most influential powerful people on the planet that have shaped the last couple of decades.

What they don’t see is that many of the advances in human kind are from ND people and while they are plastering on make up and enjoying shopping for new shoes, Einstein was working out the theory of relativity. While you’re using Facebook, iPhones etc, these ND people are getting very rich.

If ND was worthless it would have left the gene pool.

Not every ND person is super bright but the ones that are, light up the path for the human race.

Many scientists and engineers have ND traits. It’s shocking how badly ND is treated for all it’s done for the human race.

I have to do something I don’t want to be stuck indoors all the time and I need to think of the future . I have a lot more years where I could hopefully work and continue to feel better than the dc do at primary school

You don’t have to justify yourself OP.

Let people have their disbelief.

It’s ok to do you. Everyone is different and has different thresholds.

There's a massive difference between not doing something because you don't feel like it, and not doing something because it does you harm.

The latter is not laziness.

@Feelsomuchbetter
Ignore all the idiots commenting on things they haven't a clue about.
I'm glad you have a supportive husband, your children are happy, you are recovering - that's all that really matters, not a bunch of strangers on mn

Indeed she's not, and neither are you!

The playground will be empty so I don't understand why the op has a problem with it.

You don't need to understand it - I dare say the OP doesn't understand why she has a problem with it either. That's the thing about MH and ND, it isn't always rational - why doesn't an anorexic just eat?

Whatever the reason, she finds it overwhelming and as a family they have come up with a solution. Nothing to do with anybody else.

£360 a month on wrap around care, when there's only one working parent on low income. How on earth do you afford it? Plus train fares to volunteering 3 times a week.

I can see where your MIL's coming from, but if it works for you and your husband her view is immaterial. Probably she, and many respondents to this thread, feel resentful that you are in a position to opt out of stuff that most of us have to crack on with, and that this is to some extent funded by the state. Honestly, I feel that way a bit, despite recognising that I don't know you and your challenges, and that your choices have no bearing on my own. I think the whole subject is probably best left- just don't talk about it to MIL or other people who are unlikely to understand. I hope the HCA thing works out.

Why do you care what she thinks?

She's not "palming responsibilities" onto anyone. Her husband is taking their children to school, as do plenty of other fathers.

You most certainly don't have empathy for the OP!!

Some of us have more than a clue, and we aren’t idiots.

I have done every nursery pick up and drop off for many years, it is exhausting and is does make you resentful.

Your reply wins the thread.
I agree, nothing to do with MiL, she needs to butt out

My dad pays for my train fares and lunches when I volunteer he encouraged me to do it in the first place

Yesterday my husband was on annual leave with nothing in particular planned, and I was working from the office. As DS’s nursery is on my way in I left 10 minutes earlier than I would otherwise have done and took DS with.

OP, I’m sorry you’re getting such a bashing here, and from your MIL. It’s a logistically sensible option that works for your family and has a positive impact on your MH. Winner, winner!

If you were physically disabled no one would raise an eyelid

I mean hypothetically. Was answering someone else’s response.