To think that this isn’t lazy ? We all have different limits

[Alldifferent]

I was talking to my mum today and she asked what my plans were this week and I said what we did yesterday and what we are doing today and tomorrow and how thu fri sat sun will be doing nothing as I need downtime after 3 busy days . She is fully aware I have limitations due to having ASD and she piped up with ‘you’re not helping yourself with that lazy attitude ! Your get up and go has got up and gone !’

I tried to explain even though I don’t really think I should have to and she said ‘well me and your father often say we are still funding your life as we still work ! ‘ I’ve tried in the past to explain about ‘spoons’ but she always gets irritated and says ‘less talking about CUTLERY might help! You always did prefer inanimate objects to people! ‘ 🤦‍♀️

Im not lazy ??!! If my own parents are this openly judgemental to my face I hate to think what’s said behind my back.

Exactly. And don't forget at least one club daily once they're at primary school!

I particularly like the pompous post with the activity guidelines in it! That is something else.

Im an little confused as I have bipolar but work so maybe your parents mean they are funding you by paying taxes also lazy days are fine but If you have an child surely you dont mean lazy as in not doing antything like cleaning, cooking as when Im not working my days off are lazyish but I still do my housework, meals etc.

People are so disgustingly judgemental on here. I completely understand you, OP. I shut down after a busy day out, I go mute and need a few hours to recuperate. What people clearly don't understand is that with autism comes many sensory issues, you can be sensitive to sounds, smells, sights, sensitive to textures, and when we are outside socialising, all of these senses are affected, that takes a HUGE toll on our mental state, that then leads to overwhelming feelings of exhaustion, maybe some anxiety, and ultimately we need time to recover from this. Unless you have autism yourself or have a child or close relative/friend with autism, people will never understand and forever be ignorant.

Lots of people commenting on here clearly have no idea how asd can affect someone. Our eldest has asd and does need a lot of down time. Can’t imagine ever telling him he is lazy for needing a few days at home to regulate, he gets overwhelmed, something like dentist appointments may not seem much to NT people but for someone with asd this can be very overwhelming. Staying at home with the kids for 4 days when you have a massive garden and can do activities with them at home is not unreasonable. I would have less contact with your parents.

I didn't even realise we were meant to be out every single day as parents to not be considered lazy. Im a nurse and work 3x12 hour shifts on my feet. My days off are often just at home. Kids go out on their bikes, we walk the dog etc. but we're not on days out every single day. I'm not a lazy person in the slightest but if I've had a few rough days at work, you'll find me chilling at home and I make no apologies for it.

She said it was two buses each way, with lots of delays, which makes it a whole day activity. Doing that with three young children, including a toddler, will have been tough. Plus dental checkups, maybe hygienist appointments etc, for four people.

She didn’t say anything about spending time at Wetherspoons! She referred to “spoon theory”, which is an accepted medical way of describing the limited amount of energy available to people with certain medical issues. If you aren’t familiar with it you can google it, plus several people on this thread have provided information.

ASD isn't an illness though, and how would it impact on your energy levels?

It may not be a physical illness in the traditional sense, but autistic burnout is very real (been there, twice) and it can make you incredibly unwell to the point of needing hospitalisation.

When you're ND, normal everyday activities are very difficult - so things like going to the supermarket or going out for a meal are more draining than they would be for an NT person. A bit like how you might find a 10 mile walk absolutely exhausting but a marathon runner wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Reported.

I can't believe the attitude of some people on here.

For the neurotypical posters on here, you know how when you start a new job, you come home absolutely knackered for the first couple of days even though the work itself isn't any more tiring than your previous job? Because you are putting effort into making a good impression on your colleagues, and trying to work out all the unspoken work culture stuff and trying to remember where the loos are and what the microwave etiquette is and the best way to avoid traffic jams on the way home? That's what it's like being neurodivergent, only ALL THE TIME, so instead of having an early night and doing extra planning to make sure you're day goes smoothly, you have to build in regular extra rest and planning times.

Oh well, at least you're open with your ableism and disgusting attitude so people know to avoid you.

Think you just won the worst comment on this thread award

@EI12

No. I don't. I do what MY body and My brain let me do and don't compare myself to someone else.

Hope that helps.

When someone acts like a blatant arsehole, Mumsnetters often leap in and say 'Could they be ND?'.
Here we have an actual ND person sharing her experience, and symptoms of what is clearly some kind of chronic fatigue reaction to activity, and she's pelted with venom and ableism. Educate yourselves.
Since when did children have to go on an excursion every bloody day lest their parents be accused of neglect?

Keep on doing your best, OP. It is more than good enough.

I don't even see why this needs to be about ASD, it is completely fine to have a few days at home for no reason whatsoever. A bit of downtime like that does a lot of people good, children don't need to be scheduled rigidly, this is the first generation where we seem to think they do and I can't say it seems to be having much benefit.

Op quite clearly stated that the children are 3, 7, and 9, and that she is a stay at home parent to them. Thats a lot of work straight off. Regarding how busy a day is that involves a trip to the dentist, Op has explained that it involves two lengthy bus trips each way, with many delays, with three young children. So yes, that is a busy day.

I have already commented here to support the OP but the more I read some of these batshit comments the more I think we really need some kind of disability awareness training in the workplace and at school.

People really understand what the daily life of someone who has a disability/long term health condition/is neurodivergent is really like.

There is so much ignorance and judgement and I think the right wing media and Tory politicians who have been portraying people with disabilities as scroungers, especially people with mental health issues or personality disorders, have done an incredible amount of damage.

I’m not up to working currently, I’m hoping to settle my youngest into pre school and maybe try a volunteer role at our local
hospital they often have volunteer vacancies for help with mealtimes and that’s what I want to do at first and if I cope my future plan when all dc in school is some kind of healthcare assistant PT job

Stop explaining yourself to these monsters. You're doing the absolute best you can.

Please OP do not keep explaining yourself

Why? Why would you assume the OP would leave children unattended next to water? Genuinely curious, because she’s ND?

Agree, it’s like sharks to blood. Pathetic.

So sorry for all of the disgusting replies you've had OP. Just remember MN is one of the most judgemental spaces on the internet. I think if you're doing your best with what you can manage, that's all you can do, and to be honest, when I was a kid, I loved having lots of free days where I could just read or run around in the garden. It's absolutely fine.

The best way to describe the spoon theory is you start the day with 12 spoons of energy and pain tolerance. Getting up, getting dressed, getting the kids ready for school, dropping them off etc can use 3 spoons, going to work can use 5 spoons, getting dinner ready can be 3 spoons, a long day out can be 4 spoons etc. It's meant to be used as a way to help people pace themselves so they don't have fatigue and pain burnout.