"Autism is a difference not a disability"

[MJCadman]

Do you agree!

I personally don't. I hate it.

I think it minimises how hard life is.

Also dislike "Autism is my Superpower, what's yours"?

I don't want to normalise autism. I want people to understand it and make allowances.

I know this isn't what everyone else wants. This is the Neurodiverse MN board. I'm not talking about having kids with it. My daughter has it and of course I want her to be seen like the rest of her friends. I just mean for me personally I do want people to know I think differently. I can't have it both ways. One way for me and one for my child.

For me personally, autism is primarily a difference.

I think that phrase is a poor attempt to say that "autistic" doesn't mean "less than".

Autism is a weird exception when it comes to defining it as a disability, because an awful lot of the disabling parts are largely relative to society rather than capability. By that, I mean...if I was sent to live in a hut in the woods on my own for a year, I would function just as well as a comparable neurotypical would (maybe even better, given that I don't crave human contact). Put me in a city and expect me to hold down a job and deal with life in human society, and I'm obviously disabled and incapable of consistently integrating and functioning on my own.

There aren't really any other conditions like that, which is why people have to come up with these soundbites and phrases to try to relate it to other things that are easier to define.

You need to follow the guideline case of Anon v Kingston Grammar School— the child with autism is represented by Rory Dunlop KC

Report next month:
https://www.gov.uk/administrative-appeals-tribunal-decisions?tribunal_decision_categories%5B%5D=special-educational-needs

I am absolutely disabled by my autism, in a world set up for neuro typical people. It is definitely not a superpower. Winds me up so much!

Completely. I mean...sure, there are things I can do that 99.99% of the NT population can't, and those things are certainly aided (if not entirely caused) by the fact that I'm running on a different operating system. I guess people who don't understand that would see it as a superpower, because that kind of thinking is completely alien to them.

The way I tend to look at it is...if autistic people got to decide how the world works, then those of us lucky enough not to suffer from another disabling comorbidity (eg learning difficulties etc) wouldn't be disabled at all.

To me, that's precisely why NTs have such trouble with it, and have to keep coming up with all this trite nonsense - it's to make them feel better about it, because their own comfort causes our disability. That's enough to make anyone feel a bit awkward.

I also disagree with that statement- for me it is a disability. That doesn't mean I think it's bad! There are many things I enjoy about being autistic and even with the negatives, I wouldn't ever want to change that about myself. Still, the combination of autism symptoms and the society we live in means I am disabled by being autistic.

I don't consider myself disabled, but also don't think that I have the right to dismiss other people's feelings about themselves. I think that the best thing we can do for ourselves and our dc is cultivate a life that works for us, rather than trying to squeeze ourselves into NT expectations - that is what is disabling. I have ADHD and PDA - I enjoy the gifts my particular wiring give me - I also accept that sometimes there are difficulties and I look after myself accordingly.

@ntmdino
there are things I can do that 99.99% of the NT population can't - can you explain this please

@quietautistic
There are many things I enjoy about being autistic and even with the negatives, I wouldn't ever want to change that about myself.- see I would. For me there are no positives. A lot of people associate Autism with being clever, having a good memory etc which I definitely don't have.

@MJCadman - it's kind of difficult to explain, but I've got the ability to almost instantly conceptualise systems (particularly electronics and computer systems, but also mechanical) at any scale with no real effort and without really knowing much about them. It's sort of a blessing and a curse when it comes to my job - say there's a bug. I can give you the answer, but it's entirely instinct and I wouldn't be able to explain why it's the answer or how I got there; that means that until there's a lot of trust, I just look like an idiot who's guessing at the solution and just making it up as I go along.

It caused me a lot of problems in my last job (only stayed a year), and it's causing me the same issues in my current one - lots of arguments in which I'm always eventually proven right, but it takes everybody else so long to get to the solution that if I point out that I was right, it's taken as though I'm saying "I told you so!".

It is a disability that’s made exponentially worse by a society that is largely unempathetic and unimaginative and doesn’t accept that difference can be valid, sometimes better, but not automatically wrong.

Hard to cram that into a pithy slogan though.

For me it’s definitely a disability. Yes I have a number of comorbidities, but ultimately it’s the autisticness of my brain that has contributed to most of them.

A few people have said that they wouldn’t be or would be much less disabled in an autistic world, rather than an NT world. I can see that can be true for many people. But I can’t see how I would be any better off or less disabled in an autistic world. I don’t even function acceptably in my own home, and that’s my ultimate autistic world.

yes, I have a very good memory but it chooses what it wants to remember, if I want to willingly remember something it doesn’t happen.

i go between no/ridiculously little talking to way too much talking.

i don’t fit in even in an autistic world.

I have a bit more time to come back to this now.

I have the absent minded professor variety of autism. Extremely intelligent overall, I excel in a niche area, but I have issues with organization and basic interactions. Career wise, there is a place in society for people like me, and that place is often quite lucrative. We also tend to study and work with other people with similar traits, making it easier to find partners who understand us.

I’m not saying there are no downsides, but the good far outweighs the bad. Being NT looks absolutely awful and boring. I can’t imagine what life must be like to think that slowly.

So...imagine a world where remembering things on demand wasn't necessary (eg exams, work etc), or where talking-or-not doesn't matter because it's just accepted and encouraged either way.

For what it's worth, I have a similar problem with memory. It seems to me that most NTs have a chronological and/or associative memory. I read a really interesting article some time ago where the author described their memory as "a pool of dots" - randomly associated and unreliable, completely at odds with their ability to instantly think their way through problems. There's an expectation in the world that associates memorisation with intelligence, which is where I've always failed. That's also why the only exam strategy that ever worked for me was cramming in the day or two before.

I was always good at exams, but if I revised I wouldn’t remember anything, I just absorbed everything in class and regurgitated it. But I can’t do online or virtual learning, it doesn’t work for me. And I cannot cope with coursework. And I know these things are often a good thing for autistics. I’m useless at memorising stuff but a lot of things I just ‘know’, like I absorb it passively or something 😂

like shopping list, I can’t go to a shop with a list of like even 1 or 2 things in my head, I get distracted by basically everything and I come home with 10 other things that are not the two things I needed. And if I have a list, I need to write it in the order of how the shop is.

its often things like music in shops, I need it to concentrate, whereas shopping times for autistic people are quiet times and I can’t cope with the quiet.

I think the difficulty with a thread like this is that some people will very much consider themselves disabled, whilst others will feel powerful in their neurodivergence. Both views are valid and nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to feel.

I love how I’m wired and revel in it - I accept my difficulties in the knowledge that nobody is perfect and everyone has their struggles, and I am kind to myself. I don’t expect anything from anyone else, but I will not change for anyone either. I am very privileged and very lucky in many ways and know that it is not like this for everyone.

Fascinating. I don’t think know going to get much sleep now. Heading down a rabbit hole on memory 🐇

Yes, I consider my audhd a disability. I was struggling in do many area all my life, and that's why I needed a diagnosis. Had autism / adhd not had such a negative and limiting impact on my life I never would have had to think about how 'different' I am and why I can't just do stuff like other people

I think what you say - you want people to understand, this is fundamentally what the "difference not disability" thing is supposed to convey.

It's about different not defective.

Understand rather than trying to "fix" autistic children and make them act more neurotypical.

Make allowances - rather than imply autistic people have to bend and fit into NT norms or be excluded.

I'm seeking advice on how to help my diagnosed dyspraxic (DCD) DS (20 yrs) with his executive dysfunction/improve his life skills. He is back home doing an apprenticeship after not coping at uni. He could not combine/cope with study/work/social/domestic life when away from home. We are happy to take some of the load and don't expect him to be fully independent yet need to encourage him to do more on his own. Any apps or resources anyone can recommend to help him structure his day/week and fit more in? How did other ND people learn to organise themselves and 'adult'?

@123dogdog - "like shopping list, I can’t go to a shop with a list of like even 1 or 2 things in my head, I get distracted by basically everything and I come home with 10 other things that are not the two things I needed. And if I have a list, I need to write it in the order of how the shop is."

Ye gods, this one drives me nuts. My OH writes shopping lists for me in the order of meals in the week, or just a random order, and then I have to rewrite it in the order it'll be in the shop before I leave the house. That used to cause a bit of trouble in the house, because - understandably - I looked like a teacher marking homework :D

And then, of course, the shop will change their layout so they can force people to buy stuff they don't need, which annoys the absolute hell out of me. It's completely bloody unnecessary, and only serves to make life more difficult.

It's a disability for me. Yeah, ok, it's also a ''difference'', but that difference is disabling in a NT world.

I'm sorry to be negative, but I'm pretty much ground down. I have no optimism for my future.

Autism is a disability because the world isn't set up for us, not because we are somehow inferior to other humans.

For me, this difference is illustrated by going shopping at Lidl or Aldi instead of Tesco or Asda. Neither Lidl nor Aldi play music. Tesco and Asda both do. I find it much easier to do my shopping in Lidl and Aldi because of the lack of music, despite the distraction posed by the limited-time offers in the middle aisle. If everywhere turned the fucking music off, shopping would be a lot easier for me. There are clothes shops I cannot shop in at all because the music is so loud; River Island, I'm looking at you.

If autistic people were the majority:

• No one would judge you for making minimal eye contact.
• Everywhere would have adjustable lighting and wearing sunglasses indoors would be unremarkable.
• Piped music would be illegal.
• No one would judge you for hand flapping.
• Clothes would have care labels made of soft cotton instead of Satan's scratchy synthetic stuff.
• All public buildings would have a quiet room with it's location clearly signed.

the shop will change their layout so they can force people to buy stuff they don't need,

If we were the majority, that would be illegal.

You need to start your own thread in https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs_teens_and_young_adults

their own comfort causes our disability

You might like https://autisticscienceperson.com/2023/03/06/neurotypical-accommodations-and-unwritten-rules/