Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

Original poster

"Autism is a difference not a disability"

168 replies

MJCadman · 01/05/2024 12:57

Do you agree!

I personally don't. I hate it.

I think it minimises how hard life is.

Also dislike "Autism is my Superpower, what's yours"?

I don't want to normalise autism. I want people to understand it and make allowances.

I know this isn't what everyone else wants. This is the Neurodiverse MN board. I'm not talking about having kids with it. My daughter has it and of course I want her to be seen like the rest of her friends. I just mean for me personally I do want people to know I think differently. I can't have it both ways. One way for me and one for my child.

OP posts:
ntmdino · 09/01/2025 14:54

MJCadman · 09/01/2025 14:52

See I don't have any advantage to being autistic. Which is embarrassing as people think you must be clever if you have it. 😂😂

Well, see...my advantage is nothing to do with the daft superpower stuff.

My autism is what makes me "me", and I'm friggin' awesome. Ergo, advantage.

😆

(apologies for being glib...you caught me on a good day)

MistyFrequencies · 09/01/2025 14:54

ntmdino · 01/05/2024 13:57

I think that phrase is a poor attempt to say that "autistic" doesn't mean "less than".

Autism is a weird exception when it comes to defining it as a disability, because an awful lot of the disabling parts are largely relative to society rather than capability. By that, I mean...if I was sent to live in a hut in the woods on my own for a year, I would function just as well as a comparable neurotypical would (maybe even better, given that I don't crave human contact). Put me in a city and expect me to hold down a job and deal with life in human society, and I'm obviously disabled and incapable of consistently integrating and functioning on my own.

There aren't really any other conditions like that, which is why people have to come up with these soundbites and phrases to try to relate it to other things that are easier to define.

Agree 100% with this. Being Autistic means my brain is different to the expected and Im often disabled by society. Therefore it is both a difference and a disability.

Original poster
MJCadman · 09/01/2025 14:56

@ntmdino

Oh I'd love another persons life. But it's not all down to autism.

OP posts:
WorthyBiscuit · 09/01/2025 15:15

I hate the ‘it’s your superpower’ bollocks.

I think it’s really down to the individual as to whether it’s a disability or not. It’s the same with the terminology of ‘high’ and ‘low’ functioning, it’s really just personal preference at the end of the day.

If I look at my son through the lens of his autism as a disability it can make a lot of sense when he cannot do some very basic things, like have a back and forth conversation. But I also can easily look at things he’s great at and say that his brain is just working differently.

I don’t see myself as disabled, or different.

kate592 · 09/01/2025 15:16

MaidOfAle · 21/08/2024 23:31

I think the widespread objection to the term "low-functioning" has been explained badly and widely misunderstood.

First, read this short cartoon.

The terms "high-functioning" and "low-functioning" are an even worse variant of that linear concept of "autistic spectrum" that the cartoon debunks. Those terms go beyond implying a linear spectrum and imply a binary, that either you are "high-functioning" and can be left to get on with life or you are "low-functioning" and will be lucky to ever get out of nappies or speak. The reality is that support needs can only be meaningfully assessed on a per-person basis because someone might need lots of support with some areas of life but little or none in other areas of life.

It is absolutely the case that some autistic people will need lifelong support with most aspects of their lives. "Low-functioning" isn't the best term to describe them.

It is also absolutely the case that some people will be able to work with reasonable adjustments. "High-functioning" isn't the best term to describe them. I am anything but "high-functioning" when in the middle of a meltdown or when I become mute mid-sentence because I cannot find the words for the pictures and concepts in my head.

Edited
Show quote history

It pisses me off that people are all like 'oh ASD is a spiky profile and so there aren't high and low functioning people as everyone has their struggles'. This is just ridiculous IMO.

High functioning literally just means you have average or above intelligence and no learning disability. Low functioning ASD means you have a learning disability. Personally I prefer the term Classic autism but i'm not going to argue with a mother with a severely disabled child if she feels low functioning best explains her child and the struggles she has to deal with.

High functioning doesn't mean you're just fine, it means you don't have a learning disability - you're high functioning compared to someone with Classic ASD. Of course supports needs vary and support should be based on individual needs - that doesn't in any way mean that being able to distinguish children who are seriously disabled, from those who are less impacted but still impacted, isn't useful.

If people misunderstand high functioning then that is their problem, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who does. People generally just don't really understand autism, that's the issue IMO not terms like high or low functioning.

WorthyBiscuit · 09/01/2025 15:19

kate592 · 09/01/2025 15:16

It pisses me off that people are all like 'oh ASD is a spiky profile and so there aren't high and low functioning people as everyone has their struggles'. This is just ridiculous IMO.

High functioning literally just means you have average or above intelligence and no learning disability. Low functioning ASD means you have a learning disability. Personally I prefer the term Classic autism but i'm not going to argue with a mother with a severely disabled child if she feels low functioning best explains her child and the struggles she has to deal with.

High functioning doesn't mean you're just fine, it means you don't have a learning disability - you're high functioning compared to someone with Classic ASD. Of course supports needs vary and support should be based on individual needs - that doesn't in any way mean that being able to distinguish children who are seriously disabled, from those who are less impacted but still impacted, isn't useful.

If people misunderstand high functioning then that is their problem, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who does. People generally just don't really understand autism, that's the issue IMO not terms like high or low functioning.

Edited
Show quote history

I’m not sure I agree. I watched that programme on BBC with Chris Packham about autism and he met an adult man who was non-speaking, so everyone assumed he also had an intellectual disability too. When he found technology that could allow him to write it turned out he did not have an ID. He was able to write at a very high level and express complex thoughts. Almost akin to locked in syndrome. He wanted more than anything to speak but couldn’t. He would still be considered low-functioning however due to his needs.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/01/2025 15:21

ntmdino · 09/01/2025 14:46

The whole "superpower" thing is just as situational as the disability, though.

For example, I'm what they'd call a mathematical and systems prodigy. I can intuit solutions that normies would have to think their way through with logic - that gives me a significant leg-up in my profession as a developer, but also in analysing data with pattern-recognition.

However, put me on a noisy trade floor, and the same data is there to be analysed, but I'd be as useful as a chocolate teapot and would likely just crumple on the ground.

I'd imagine that, for example, you've got pretty decent pattern recognition skills when it comes to scheduling - applied in the right areas, that's not useless ;)

Show quote history

True.

Every potential careers test I've ever done says I should be in the military because my organisation skills are off the scale. But I'd cry every time there was a loud bang or if someone shouted at me.

Liuo · 09/01/2025 15:23

For me it’s very much a disability and there is no benefit from it only negatives, so the it’s a superpower stuff doesn’t resonate with me, if I could magic genie/wand get rid of autism from myself I would.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/01/2025 15:34

Liuo · 09/01/2025 15:23

For me it’s very much a disability and there is no benefit from it only negatives, so the it’s a superpower stuff doesn’t resonate with me, if I could magic genie/wand get rid of autism from myself I would.

So would I.

bigkahunaburger · 09/01/2025 15:49

Critical disability theory. We use it in social work/counselling etc. Its the argument that its the society we live in that is ablelist not the person that is disabled. For example, a person in a wheelchair isnt disabled if everywhere has ramps, and adaptions for them to get around easily. Its the environment that is making them 'disabled'.

I have autism, adhd, dyspraxia, and I have a lot of struggles. I have created 'scaffolding' in my world to make my life easier. I also have great gifts that I would never want to give up, notably hyperfocus. I absolutely love how focussed I can become on my special interest or a task I really want to complete. As a bonus it makes me an excellent employee (in the right setting), student, and a real 'go-to' person for others who want a certain thing. I am like the ultimate fixer because (if I have the interest) I am like a dog with a bone and I will not give up. Im an excellent researcher because of this, and deeply curious about things and will deep dive that thing and so I become an 'expert' in several niche areas. I did very well in education due to this. I tried ritalin once and I lost my hyperfocus, so I stopped because to me it was not worth losing something that I find so cool and is a huge part of who I am.

However, I cant change a duvet-cover, get lost in shopping centres, lose things regularly, cant cook (because I get too distracted) and more seriously I am very vulnerable to abuse.

Im not disabled Im different. With respect, understanding, the right scaffolding, the right environment, job, and people around me I thrive - without all of that I am broken.

I think that goes for anyone whose ND.

Jessica3075 · 09/01/2025 16:46

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/01/2025 15:34

So would I.

Show quote history

Oh God. Me too. And for my son. On the outside I mask very well but it’s broken me, as a human being. I am just so odd. Soon after diagnosis, my husband found me unacceptable. We are divorced now.

YampyYamYam · 09/01/2025 16:49

BigBumMumm · 01/05/2024 14:04

You need to follow the guideline case of Anon v Kingston Grammar School— the child with autism is represented by Rory Dunlop KC

Report next month:
https://www.gov.uk/administrative-appeals-tribunal-decisions?tribunal_decision_categories%5B%5D=special-educational-needs

I know this was a while ago but I can't find anything about this online and I'm interested! Do you know what I need to search to find it?

Liuo · 09/01/2025 16:55

critical disability theory feels like really minimising of the struggles disabled people face, it's definitely not the situation for me, idk about for others, that I'm not disabled the world is just ableist (for both my autism and physical disabilities) I'm just disabled, like even in some perfect made up world, I would still be disabled.

Original poster
MJCadman · 09/01/2025 17:25

they wear their ND status like a badge of honour

Read this on another thread earlier

OP posts:
Original poster
MJCadman · 09/01/2025 17:26

Liuo · 09/01/2025 15:23

For me it’s very much a disability and there is no benefit from it only negatives, so the it’s a superpower stuff doesn’t resonate with me, if I could magic genie/wand get rid of autism from myself I would.

Same

OP posts:
Original poster
MJCadman · 09/01/2025 17:27

People say "but would you want to be like "everyone else"?

Yes please.

OP posts:
Twixtmasjigsaw · 09/01/2025 17:28

I disagree too. My DS has had lots of issues with speech and language over the years. Very slow to learn language and it has hampered his relationships with classmates as he simply can't keep up with them in conversation. How can that be anything other than a disability - it's certainly not a superpower....

Original poster
MJCadman · 09/01/2025 17:29

I hate how my mum, husband, teens know I'm autistic but they expect me to act like everyone else.

I need to make tea now but I want to stay in my bedroom with the light off and door shut.

I can't stand it. The house, the laundry.

I found out 5 years ago and I'm not cut out to live with anyone.

I've not left the house since Saturday.

OP posts:
ParsnipPuree · 09/01/2025 17:39

I agree. My dad is now in his 90's, never been diagnosed but it could not be more obvious. He would be totally shocked by a diagnosis, hasn't got a clue that he is different but it is apparent to all of us. He has definitely always struggled socially so yes, I would say that is a disability.

bigkahunaburger · 09/01/2025 17:41

namechangealerttt · 23/08/2024 03:48

I am coming from the POV as someone who is able enough to hold down work, but still feel so many challenges and like my life is harder than a neurotypical.

I am late diagnosed ADHD, and strongly identify with autistic traits, I have one brother who was diagnosed ADHD as a child but in my mind is definitely autistic and a son just diagnosed with autism. Really, I think most members of my family and my ex husbands family are undiagnosed neurodivergent.

Might be a controversial take here, but from what I witness around me, the hyper empathetic fem presenting autistics struggle more with life than masc presenting autistics that lack empathy.

We end up with comorbid mental health conditions, especially if late or undiagnosed which makes life, relationships, friendships and work really hard.
We care so much about others, we can excuse others bad behaviour because we see them as whole people that may have unresolved childhood trauma or whatever, that it actually can make us quite vulnerable, especially in relationships with masc autistics who lack empathy.

We care when work relationships are off and it affects us in our careers.
The masc presenting autistics just don't care as much about the social stuff and just get on with things, and I think bad behaviour like arrogance and rudeness from men generally of all neurotypes is more tolerated in the workplace, so they get away with it.

I say masc, and I generally mean men, but also masc presenting women. Fem males would generally be on the hyper empathy side.

Wow what an amazing post! This REALLY spoke to me. I am scared to go out and repartner because I am terrified about being abused again. I just dont see it - until its too late. And I just feel so so much its bloody exhausting. I do wish I didnt have that. Ive been watching The Following lately - about psychopaths, and I have found myself wishing I was one. I do wish I didnt care about others. I have found it to be a huge huge burden to live life feeling so much, like an open wound.

whatisforteamum · 09/01/2025 17:45

Mjcadman I often do skip cooking for a lie down in a dark room.
My dcs have left home now and it's just DH and myself.
20 years ago I said I would cope better alone and my DM thought we were just going through marital difficulties.
Awaiting assessment I can't eat in front of others never socialise and cannot do crowds.

0psiedasiy · 09/01/2025 17:57

But you seem so normal and able to do your job.

thanks but what you don’t see is I’m masking and knackered at the end of the day and can’t cope with anything else.

InattentiveADHD · 09/01/2025 18:41

bigkahunaburger · 09/01/2025 15:49

Critical disability theory. We use it in social work/counselling etc. Its the argument that its the society we live in that is ablelist not the person that is disabled. For example, a person in a wheelchair isnt disabled if everywhere has ramps, and adaptions for them to get around easily. Its the environment that is making them 'disabled'.

I have autism, adhd, dyspraxia, and I have a lot of struggles. I have created 'scaffolding' in my world to make my life easier. I also have great gifts that I would never want to give up, notably hyperfocus. I absolutely love how focussed I can become on my special interest or a task I really want to complete. As a bonus it makes me an excellent employee (in the right setting), student, and a real 'go-to' person for others who want a certain thing. I am like the ultimate fixer because (if I have the interest) I am like a dog with a bone and I will not give up. Im an excellent researcher because of this, and deeply curious about things and will deep dive that thing and so I become an 'expert' in several niche areas. I did very well in education due to this. I tried ritalin once and I lost my hyperfocus, so I stopped because to me it was not worth losing something that I find so cool and is a huge part of who I am.

However, I cant change a duvet-cover, get lost in shopping centres, lose things regularly, cant cook (because I get too distracted) and more seriously I am very vulnerable to abuse.

Im not disabled Im different. With respect, understanding, the right scaffolding, the right environment, job, and people around me I thrive - without all of that I am broken.

I think that goes for anyone whose ND.

But despite all the struggles you list including that you are vulnerable to abuse you still say you are not disabled? Those things you list are disabilities, despite the things you see as strengths (sone of which I share but I don't see them solely as strengths). Yes I can hyperfocus and am good at research (fur hours often late into the night), but that's at the expense of remembering to take care of my health as I forget to drink and go to the toilet, and I don't go to bed when I should and get enough sleep, or do the things I need to do to take care of my chronic health condition. That's just one example. Hyperfocus is just a symptom of not being able to focus your attention where you want it.

And I do not like the social model of disability used in the way you describe. It is helpful in one way as it emphasises that the world should be making adjustments in order to help disabled people engage with the world and fit in and contribute to society. But there is NO adjustment you could make they could make me not disabled. I am disabled at home in my space with people who understand me. Pretending otherwise is doing many disabled people a massive disservice.

I also think that this type of toxic positivity (ADHD/autism is a.superpower etc) is incredibly harmful and actually contradicts the social model. If it's such a super power and "just a difference" then why do disabled people need accommodations and adjustments. You can't fight for funding or services or support or adaptations etc if it's a fucking superpower!

ND conditions are massively misunderstood and sometimes stigmatised by the general population. This type of rhetoric and confusion about messaging does ND people no favours at all.

InattentiveADHD · 09/01/2025 18:44

BigBumMumm · 01/05/2024 14:04

You need to follow the guideline case of Anon v Kingston Grammar School— the child with autism is represented by Rory Dunlop KC

Report next month:
https://www.gov.uk/administrative-appeals-tribunal-decisions?tribunal_decision_categories%5B%5D=special-educational-needs

Yes I would like to read about this too.

Moondarkness · 09/01/2025 18:55

And I do not like the social model of disability used in the way you describe…there is NO adjustment you could make they could make me not disabled. I am disabled at home in my space with people who understand me. Pretending otherwise is doing many disabled people a massive disservice.

Absolutely agree with this. I guess it very much depends on the person, but my DS is disabled by his autism even though he has no intellectual disability or speech issues. It’s an internal struggle and society doesn’t cause it in his case. The way he thinks disables him with huge anxiety and so on, but the fears are mostly not related to social situations.