If you weren't masking...

[Poffytop]

... what would you do differently?

I've started fantasising about not having to mask so much. I think I mask to try to fit in, but I still don't quite fit in and then just feel exhausted trying so making it a waste of time. I'm not brave enough to just stop though.

I'd love to go to a party or networking event and sit in a corner sipping a drink and just watch (instead of trying to make conversation).

All of this, except...loose, baggy clothes.

One other thing I'd do is...tell people not to come to me to complain about something going wrong unless they want me to provide a solution. Unidirectional complaining - just venting - is something I just can't deal with.

Thing is...I don't just mask to fit in. I actively don't want people to be uncomfortable around me, but I also don't want them to feel they have to work hard to make lots of accommodations for me...at least, no more than I'm comfortable doing for them. I generally ask people I want to spend time with to meet me somewhere in the middle, and we can figure it out from there.

Today, I'd be declaring loudly that I'm not going to another bloody meeting called at the last minute, and to quit all the jargon and get to the point. But no, they don't have a clue what they're on about either. I'm just honest in my admissions that I don't understand things.

I want to shout at every agency/service who deems me not neurodiverse enough for any actual help with things just because I'm working and studying.

I want to tell my specialist mentor - who I had to fight to get via DSA - that no, I'm not really interested in your small talk, and our hourly conversation is adding no value whatsoever. There have been no strategies, no advocacy or anything useful for me, it's just another hour out of my day where I have to mask and perform for another person that I don't need.

It's 2 degrees and I'm looking for my sunglasses. And every bit of noise is amplified. I just want to hide in a warm, dark room.

My fantasy is actually the reverse, I wish I could mask, im sick of being the lonely hermit jobless "weirdo". I wish I could wear the nice clothes, make the small talk etc etc and just grit my teeth through it etc. Little mermaid style, I want to be part of the world 😂🧜‍♀️

I'm reading through a lot of threads on this board, currently seeking ADHD/ASD diagnosis . Everything said here resonates completely.

I have stopped masking as much now I'm more established in my career/qualifications. I've stopped:

• Staying in rooms full of people, feeling like a strange ghost. I now take myself off to a quiet office after the main information is shared.
• Wearing uncomfortable things/materials
• Sitting still when I want to actually get up and swing my legs about

I still:

• smile to put people at ease
• try to engage in chit chat to make connections

I don’t know if I’m ND, just a very eccentric NT or something else. I do know that, left to my own devices in a gathering of people I would be: staring, shamelessly eavesdropping and possibly taking notes. I would not be interacting, though. 😂 I have been largely shamed out of some of the odder ways of my youth but social normality has always seemed weird to me.

I can’t imagine what it would be like not to mask. I don’t know who I would be in public.

What I can imagine though is being free of the self loathing when I think back over an interaction and I didn’t apply the wrong phrase that I’ve been saving up, or I‘m not cringing about people pleasing.

But actually I think it would be a thousand times worse. My rsd is already making staying alive a huge challenge.

The nearest I can get is to avoid situations as much as possible.

I don't know if I'm ND,I never tried to fit in with the mums at the school gates,I say what I want,I don't go to works social events just because everyone else is.
I do paste on a smile normally though and look forward to getting away from people even my adult dc who I love dearly.
.I haven't got the energy to learn any more rules.

This thread makes me realise I don't mask very much and that's probably why everyone finds me so difficult.

I do the being polite stuff, pretending I'm an actress playing a part of a person who's interested in what the person is saying. But really I don't care about anything that's not one of my special interests. People can tell.