Autism and Menopause

[RainbowZebraWarrior]

Not sure if this has been covered as a topic since the board was created. There have been similarities between women with various health conditions, and it has been very enlightening.

I know that our Autism will present differently to each other as women, but I'm going to post a timeline as I'd like to know if this resonates with anyone older.

Young child: late to walk, shyness, anxiety about everything, odd interests.
Adolescent: Very shy, hated talking about things like periods, didn't fit in.
Mid to late teens: Was very sensible for my age. Didn't understand the crazy abandon that other teens felt. When I did get caught up in it, I did so to fit in (probably common in most late teens)
20's and 30's: Masked hard, but managed to hold down a job and was actually very ambitious. (Looking back, I'm amazed that this was the same person I am now)
40's: Now it is becoming difficult. Trying to keep up with the ambition and social life. Don't like it, but do it anyway (people pleaser phase)
50: Perimenopause / Menopause hits. Libido falls off a cliff. Masking is impossible. All Autism traits become magnified, barely any coping mechanisms left. Feel like a shell of former self, feel even more invisible than ever before, want to hide from society, cannot even think about socialising. At the same time, hit with flushes, self doubt, anxiety like never before, Cannot even relate to other Autistic people. Wonder how other autistic people feel, but scared to ask.

The current drive on TV regarding recognising Menopause symptoms is admirable. As is the awareness of Autism. But I do not know a single other person in real life who is Autistic and Menopausal

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001k31t

Another BBC programme about autism this week, specifically woman and girls.

Thank you, I didn’t know and I’m really looking forward to watching it this evening after seeing a couple of sneak peaks

That was a interesting but difficult watch, many of the issues very close to home for me.

I can't help thinking I have autism too. History of EDs.Social anxiety and depression even some agoraphobia.
Recently started a new job where I don't fit in with the women.All the others on site are great.Gone through meno and can't wait to get home to my cat.
Fed up of trying to fit in with the clique.

I’m halfway through the Christine McGuiness programme. Excruciating in places and I’m saddened at the lack of understanding from those who were supposed to love and accept me.

I’m feeling very gentle this evening.
I also feel like this thread is very neurodiverse, I read, agree and don’t feel able to respond.
after all, who am I to offer support when I feel like my own life is a mess.
I’ve spent the evening preparing for a big b’day, I’ve struggled and then spent an evening listening to noise and finally snapped.
apparently, I should take myself away from my lounge and our TV so others can pretend to watch a programme whilst tapping away on their phone?

it hurts my thoughts and my evening and then, when I ask to sit on my own, watch my relax programme before bed, I’m in the wrong.

I can’t work it out.

@whatisforteamum Sorry you are having such a tough time. My experiences at work were very similar to yours (but substitute dog for cat!). I finally got my autism diagnosis just before I was 59.

Northerlyrose that is interesting. Do you mind me asking what were the traits that led you too getting diagnosed.?
I feel like I may have some adhd too and would be both relieved and sad if I had had so many things happen that could have been explained if you know what I mean.

@RosieMolloy I don’t think a person who isn’t neurodiverse can get it. My husband and I are divorcing because of his expecting me to be different. I am, as I am.

You are not in the wrong. Give and take is key.

Can you watch tv on an iPad in the quiet of another area of the home?

Sorry to hear about you marriage, we defiantly argue more now I have accepted who I am.

I’m currently watching Hayu on my iPad in the kitchen and everyone is happy. I struggle more with my teen daughter who is also autistic and likes to follow me around 🙁

I dream of living alone with my dogs most of the time, wishing you all the best @TheSecondMrsMoorcroft

I am 55 and have my assessment on 13th April. I am so nervous about it but at least I will know. I made myself a promise many years ago that I would find out what is 'wrong' with me - why I have always felt different and I can't break a promise so this is it! I don't know how I will feel if I get a diagnosis. Sometimes I think I might have a good cry or I might be completely speechless and say nothing. I just don't know. When I'm having a difficult day I feel I might cry tears of relief and want to tell them every strange thing about myself. We will see,

@whatisforteamum Sorry it took me so long to reply. I’ve had a lot of work to finish recently so hadn’t logged in.
The most obvious autistic traits for me were getting overwhelmed and having meltdowns. I now realise it was because of sensory and social overload, and the confusion of never quite understanding what was going on. I didn’t think I stimmed but I realised after my diagnosis that I do. I bite the inside of my mouth when I get anxious. My dentist remarked on it. I have auditory processing issues too which makes it very difficult for me to have conversations if there is any background noise. So many things make sense now, like the deep connection I feel with the natural world, and my strong belief in social justice. My dog had to be put to sleep shortly before my autism assessment and I really struggled to get over losing him. The intensity of what I felt seemed much greater than would be typical for most people. Another really big clue was that I found some people took against me for reasons that weren’t obvious. They just seemed to pick up on the fact that I was different somehow. It had brought me peace of mind to understand that a lot of things that happened to me were not my fault, like getting bullied a lot.

Oh I can relate.I still miss my cat,.My new colleagues took an instant dislike to sometimes I need an interpreter to explain what is going on.I struggle with social things so don't try.I need space from people.On a positive note I can work really hard and things get done.

I have had so many instances of work colleagues seeming to hate me. I think for those exact people I don't mask enough in pretending to be normal. And the bits of my personality that sneak out are just abhorrent to them.
Ie I don't conform to their ideas of what's acceptable for a woman to be/ like.

I once worked in an office where I discovered that once a month all the secretaries went out for a meal. I was a secretary and I found out because I stayed late one night. They hid that from me and I was devastated - even though truthfully I wouldn't have really wanted to go if they had asked me but still. I cried all the way home on the train and wondered what was wrong with me! Plus when I went on Maternity Leave to have my daughter I stayed late that night too to make sure I'd left everything in order and there was nothing!

SleekMamma exactly that.I relate to men more as I've worked predominantly with them.I don't like gossiping or bitching. I brought my ds and dd to not relate to gender stereo types.He had a doll in a dolls pram too.

Skywatch25 that is awful.I was always invited and politely declined.Dreadful behaviour.

I have adenomyosis and in chemical menopause, suspected for some time (after watching kids and realising traits are present) have managed pretty well to this point and feel both hollow and so scattered I can not keep my min on a tv show. Feeling broken, managed to cry on the phone to the docs to possibly push through my ASD referral and told there is nothing anyone can do-found this page wanted to say thanks feeling alone is possibly the worst thing...

I read this thread today eventhough it’s a year old. Wanted to mention, there’s quite a few Facebook groups you could join if you haven’t already, where we seem to be going through the same thing. Realising we are probably autistic, have been masking there’s discussions on menopause too.
’Autism Late Diagnosis/Self identification Support and Education’is one I recently joined. ‘Autistic/Aspie Women-Adults with autism’ is another.
Another one- ‘Neurodivergent Private group support and chat’