Hello
I've been lurking on this board since it began, and I see more and more posts that seem to be describing me, and I'm not sure whether to be glad as it might provide an 'answer' or unhappy because I don't think there's any way I will be able to get support.
The latest one was this morning - the thread about posture - I realised I do exactly that, I am sitting 'wedged in' with my clicky joints and only three days ago, my DH commented that the way I sit in the car (as a passenger - I am too uncoordinated to drive myself) is 'weird' - basically I brace myself into an upright position by pressing my hands down on either side of the seat.
That's just one example, I could go on and on. I am very socially awkward, poor at recognising people, I talk to myself, make noises and skin-pick when I am on my own.
I often struggle to get dressed in the morning because I don't like the sensation of changing the clothes against my skin. WFH has made this worse as I used to have to force myself to do this but now I'll put it off unless I have a camera meeting and I'm going for days sometimes without getting dressed.
There were also lots of things when I was a child, but I was born in the 70s when there was far less awareness of ND so I am not surprised that nothing was picked up.
I think I would feel better if I could be diagnosed because it would absolve me of the guilt I often feel for the way I am and the shame I feel at the millions of embarrassments in my past, but there's no hope of it because it takes me days to work up the courage to phone the GP for so much as a repeat prescription. I can't face the conversation because I'll feel as though I'm being disbelieved - my tone of voice always sounds 'false' when I talk about my health.
I'm not even sure why I am posting but I feel better for expressing this, so thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.