Baby at a concert

[Worrywort98]

Hi all
I have a 4 month old baby who's pretty chilled. I don't have family support, just me and my husband.

I recently booked a concert (classical music) for our one year wedding anniversary. It's in a small venue. I didn't even consider the fact that babies/children might not be allowed in until after I'd bought the tickets 🫠 and we've no one to babysit.

Should I still bring my baby?

I bought back row seats for swift exit.
He normally sleeps very well if I put him in the carrier. Recently I had to go to a funeral and he slept the whole service.

Please be kind but honest as to what I should do. Thanks

You having well behaved older children (older than a baby) doesn't mean it's right to take them to adult shows. Other children are not so well behaved for a start.

There's a whole world of things you can take your kids to, without being stuck with Pippa Pig and other Paw Patrol shows, it doesn't mean adults are not entitled to enjoy themselves in child-free places.

As a mother who leaves her own children away from venues that would be not suitable, I have even less patience for other people's children who do not belong there.

As I said earlier, the venue is going to phone me back with a response as to whether or not its ok, and I'll respect their decision. It's not like I'm selfishly determined to go at all costs despite everyone else around me jesus

Small informal venue, sat at the back to remove yourself if baby cries sounds fine. You can buy baby defenders.

Well just because they might say it’s okay doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Which I suppose is why you asked the question really - if you just wanted to do whatever you were told you wouldn’t have asked.

I started taking my children to baby concerts from birth then went to slightly longer things each year. My daughter is 12 now and will go see anything - dance in particular as she’s a dancer but she loves it all. My son is the opposite despite being around it his whole life too. Had some amazing times seeing things with my daughter but not an adult venue with a young baby, that’s just not right.

Sorry OP, it's not appropriate to bring a baby to an evening concert. If it were a family matinee performance then that would be different. You have a baby now, so unfortunately if no baby sitter then adult activities are out for now until much older and they are out of the baby/toddler/young child stages. I sympathise, we get family help only occasionally so it's been a while since we had a date night out or done something other than child-friendly days out but it is what it is.

Ok. Thank you!

Whatever you decide, please protect your baby's ears.

Babe in arms = not a problem, as long as the artist / venue agree. As a musician I'm laughing at everyone feigning their knickers in a twist over this. It's really not a big deal.

Thank you my darling

As a parent. If id gone to the trouble of getting a sitter (yes paid and not family or friends cause there are none) id be cheesed off if you rocked up with a baby regardless of crying factor.

id be having evening off from kids and wouldn’t appreciate being next to a baby

I was personally quite surprised at how this managed to turn into such a heated debate haha
I'm a first time mum so genuinely querying as to what the etiquette is

Are elderly people's coughs more annoying than younger people's then?

You don't need to pick apart what I said to understand my point, which was that literally anyone can be noisy

Exactly, I'm not sure what's so offensive about the glimpse of a sleeping or feeding young baby at the back of a dark classical music venue!

Providing you sit in a place close to an exit (which you are) and you plan to left at the first squirm (which you are), then I have zero problems with this.

You'll need to be observant for the first signs though - not waiting for crying, that way you can leave before there's crying. That way, you are no more disruptive than someone popping to the loo.

You know your baby better than anyone. Some babies you'd have to be crazy to take them, others would likely be fine. My first, for example, very rarely cried, and even she did it was for a specific reason. I went out to many restaurants and events in the first few months with her (no concerts, but I would have). As long as she was in the sling having cuddles she was happy.

This is exactly right, well said and understood. Thank you for a nuanced and fair response

The mere sight of a baby taking up space in public, even if not crying, it's enough to piss you off? That's mad

I'd do a trial at a cinema first. I think you'd be surprised, the most placid of babies can panic loudly in an unfamiliar environment.

When my first was little, I fully expected that a cinema (baby session so quieter) would be similar to watching TV at home for her. Me cuddling her on the sofa, dim lights, movie. Turns out from her POV it was not the same at all.

It would probably ruin it for you anyway as you would be on edge in case it woke up and started yelling! Baby screenings of films are fun though really enjoyed those with my first. You can’t do that with subsequent children so make the most of it

Oh the cinema, that's a good idea! Will give it a go perhaps

I was responding the OP with my own experiences. As I also had a baby. And like I said, only she knows what her baby is like. I know what mine are like, as I said, and were fine. As they have been many times before. If I had children that couldn’t cope with that, then I wouldn’t.
What I was trying to say was, only she knows her own child. Why you have chosen to reply to me to tell me I’m inflicting my children on “adult spaces” when actually theatres are for everyone.
Mine weren’t the only ones in there. It wasn’t an “adult show” per se, but also wasn’t Peppa pig either. I did however also take them to see Peppa pig so I’m not causing untold damage to them 😁
And yep, I don’t take them to unsuitable things, I’m not a terrible parent/member of the public 😆

If the venues says it's ok and your baby is usually calm then yes, I'd take them in a sling to a concert in a relaxed venue, sit near an exit and be ready to make a swift exit if they cry.

But to echo others, I'd highly recommend Bach to Baby, they're wonderful!

My sister in law and her partner are both musicians. One classical and one jazz/ all rounder. So we go to lots of concerts they do. Totally depends on the venue, vibe but they both love it when they get to perform to children.

Admittedly my sister in law's partner was the main act but she invited us to an experimental jazz performance when baby was 4 months. He was on the boob the whole time, happy as larry and the patrons were so sweet to him. If he'd cried we would have been out like a shot but he didn't... And it was experimental jazz not soothing classical.

The big thing is that you are prepared to sweep them out at the first grumble. Won't make a relaxing night for you is the main problem.

Ive gone to several classical music concerts next to babes in arms and the parents have always been very courteous and taken the baby out if needed. No problem. Honestly i'd rather sit next to a baby than many people who go to the theatre/concerts these days

A few years back when DS was little, I started a thread asking for advice on going to a concert with a toddler, hoping to get some tips from people who had done it.

I think one poster responded to my actual question, the rest of the responses were people telling me it wasn't appropriate to take him, despite him loving the music as much as we did. People seemed fixed on the idea I wouldn't arrange childcare, even though the concert was something we could enjoy as a family.

It was acceptable to take children to the venue (I checked before booking), there were multiple other children there (as I knew there would be) we would have taken him out if he was causing a disturbance but he didn't, so we didn't need to. We all had a great time, including I suspect DD who I was pregnant with at the time judging by how active she was.

If the venue are happy for you to take your baby, I would go with the carrier and some little ear defenders. From what you've said, you can have a lovely evening without spoiling anything for anyone.

Fingers crossed things pan out for you OP.

I'm asking this out of curiosity - those who are a firm no because of crying - do/did your babies suddenly start crying out of nowhere? Ie did them starting to cry surprise you?

The reason I ask is because that never really happened with either of mine. If they were in the sling, there'd be slight wriggling if waking up, changes in breathing patterns (which you can feel against your chest even if can't hear), then more stirring etc. There was always warning unless they'd suddenly got hurt or something. So there'd always be time to take them out.

I'd take them to church, and that was fine (they'd be tolerant if it wasn't, but they were quiet). Not quite so quiet as older babies/toddlers (😬😱) but that's why it's important to make the most of them being tiny babies!