Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

That book looks good, will add it to my Christmas list!
I didn't learn any grammar in school, I can't remember having any lessons explaining grammar, there must have been some, but they must have been very forgettable!

Does anyone else have worries over going to the dentist?
I have to have a filling tomorrow, and I'm terrified. I've already put it off several months.
The dentist is new and insists that it'll take two minutes (the last one took nearly an hour as I was very pathetic and kept stopping them, and had to hold a nurse's hand ) and he says I won't need an injection (I don't mind that). I don't like having my head or face touched at all, and I hate anyone fiddling around in my mouth, and the drill is horrific.

I plan on taking my ipad so I can listen to music. Any other tips?

I don't like the dentist at all. I have a huge fear of injections and anything which involves that kind of pain - injections and wasps trigger it but so (to a lesser extent) do knives and broken glass. I'm nervous around knives and broken glass but I can rationalise that those things don't hurt you as long as you are careful with them, so I can handle/use them okay. I don't mind the drill too much and I don't mind pain when it's a blunt kind of thing - had a recent accident where a fully grown man slammed into me on a zip wire and almost broke my arm, and I didn't find it that painful, but I have a horrible and frightening memory of an injection I had (with only about 30 seconds' warning) in my stomach four years ago (!) and I swear the site still hurts occasionally.

Sorry off topic - for dentist, I haven't tried music but imagine that it would help. Also counting and concentrating on breathing - a bit like childbirth! When I last went I was very anxious and the waves of anxiety were becoming really overwhelming faster than I could actually calm myself down which was frightening but I did manage to get hold of it. Think when you breathe - in 1 2 3 4, out 1 2 3 4 and concentrate on keeping that breathing really slow and really steady. Also, don't grip the arms of the chair, as that will make you tense up. Instead if you start to feel tense, turn your hands so your palms are facing up. That's another relaxation trick.

If you don't mind injections, you could ask them for an injection to mask the feeling of the drill? Though you still get the noise and probably the vibration, so perhaps it wouldn't help.

If it's an ongoing problem, you can actually ask your GP for diazepam to get you through the appointment. (You'll need someone to drive you home.) My doctor told me that living in Germany I "have to have" booster vaccinations and I have avoided her ever since because I can't face it - but she did say she can prescribe and give me something like that for anxiety as it's a phobia and it's something which is more of a one off.

I have holes in two teeth. I really need to go back but I'm nervous. I should take my own advice

I've never had to have the drill (except to remove cement from braces). I consequently don't really mind the dentist because of pain, but note because of obsessive anxiety over the state of my teeth. I only brushed them once a week for several years as a teen and young adult so I worry. Personal hygiene

I use a technique for dealing with pain where I consciously separate off a part of my body, like podding off a part of myself, so the pain is there, but disconnected from me, if you see what I mean? I don't know if this would be practical for dental stuff at all.

*more because of obsessive anxiety

How interesting! I wish I could do that podding thing. In fact, I think I might know what you mean. I had an experience once where I was drunk and I tipped a scalding cup of tea over my foot/ankle. I wasn't with it enough to realise that I should remove my sock so I just kind of sat there going "Ow, that really hurts!" until somebody else suggested that I did. I then tried to go to sleep but it was bothering me, so I just decided to lie there and feel the sensation of the burn but without feeling the pain, and it worked. It felt really hot and tingly and sort of throbbing but it didn't hurt - was really, really odd. I can't do that at all when I am sober, though. It can't have been scalded that badly because I'm not entirely sure which foot it was now, I can see a vague shadow of something on one of them.

I just came back to express my annoyance that I used to innately and immediately know the difference between effect and affect, but because I've seen it used incorrectly so often on the internet, I now have to double check every time I write it and often before I check, I've got it wrong

I do the podding off thing, but can only do it if it's away from my head, unfortunately.

Thanks for the breathing tips Bertie, I'll give them a go.
Diazepam triggers my asthma, which is a shame!

And if I don't come back, you know I've had a heart attack on the dentist's chair, or I've had some fatal reaction to local anaesthetic.
Try to remember me fondly.

Yes, that's where it falls down for me Chien - I can't do it with migraine pain because the pain is where I am, IYSWIM. I wasn't sure if tooth pain would be far enough away or not.

That's a pretty interesting experience, Bertie.

Oh and best of luck, obviously

I'm a spelling geek too.
Pedants' corner is my favourite place.
I can't type very well though.

Like thingy further up, incorrect words are bolded. (If they're my own, they have little klaxons and flashing lights too)
And yup, once i'd written a word down I could spell it so never had to learn them.

Less is not even a little bit coreectvwhen talking about discrete numbers.
One of the whole points is that discrete numbers require fewer.
If you can divvy something up without cutting or pouring then it's fewer.

Muphry's law strikes again!

But you do say three is less than four. Don't you? Or is that different?

(Am English teacher, should know )

I know the difference, in EFL we teach those as countable vs uncountable nouns. Rice, water, time, love, meat, bread, uncountable; apples, cups, people, legs, planets, countable. Then some weird ones which are both (chocolate, cake, cheese) - countable nouns, you can say "I'll have a..." or "There are three...." and uncountable you have to say "a piece of" "a bit of" "a glass of" etc or just "some" but without making it plural.

That's "three" as a concept, though. There is only one of it. Three is less than four.

But there are fewer than three or four people in the room.

But in speech it can sound kinda poncy, like using whom.

At least, I think so!

Need to listen to that More or Less episode mentioned earlier. Wish there was a transcript of radio programmes.

I'm alive!
It was a very small thing, didn't even need to be drilled (wish he'd told me that two weeks ago!).
I didn't even cry. Feel quite jelly legged now though.

I haven't managed to catch up on the thread, but I wanted to pop in because I have my first psych appointment tomorrow.

I've written a list of things, such as likes, dislikes, what brings on a meltdown, character traits, and sensory issues. I'll do what Polter suggested on the other thread too, and print off the AS traits in women and annotate it.

On a separate note, I had a meltdown last night because my takeaway delivery didn't arrive.

This is not an unusual for me, but I feel ridiculous at the age of 30 being in tears because a noodle place messed up.

I had to order pizza instead because I was really hungry, but I didn't want it because I wasn't mentally prepared for it, I was prepared for noodles. I couldn't reorder the noodles because my brain wouldn't let me (they said they didn't have the order, but I had PayPal confirmation; they were basically making out I was lying).

I got all panicky, sad, hungry, and frustrated. All over some bloody noodles.

(Totally outing myself with the above if any of you are on a particular Facebook group, but I don't really care.)

Well done Chien! Can you take it easy for the rest of the day?

Good luck at your appointment Hug.

HugandRoll we had the same situation a week ago but with an Indian. We were so hangry (hungry and angry) that there were meltdowns galore in this house!

Indian take a way

Hug, hope your appointment goes well.

Just spoke to my mum, we discussed me as a child:

• Demand avoidant
• When things went wrong it was "the end of the world"
• When I was in meltdown/tantrum, nothing could be done to stop it
• Only dealt well with change if it positively affected me. If neutral or negative, I couldn't deal with it
• I either loved people, or hated them
• Didn't have many friends in school
• Under Ed Psych - didn't really know what was wrong
• "Defiant"

Would you say these are ASD signs, or was I just a shit child?