Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

You weren't a shit child

They sound like ASD signs to me, but someone more knowledgeable will hopefully back that up. You weren't shit though.

Hug, you could be me! My DM still bangs on about my tantrums after I turned 6 months. You're not a shit child, you're beautifully diverse. I cried hugely during my NHS dx as my DM was vile throughout.

Has anybody ever been in this Asperger's FB group? I used to, but it's a bit, well, erm. British Women with Aspergers - UK Connect Group - www.facebook.com/groups/172742736208005/

I'm in it, but considering leaving as its a bit, erm, feisty(?). Not quite sure how to describe it really.
Ive found many of the people in there very dismissive of aspergers, which is odd as presumably that's why they're there in the first place.
There's also something of a divide when it comes to those of us who have realised as adults.
Or maybe I'm reading the wrong threads.
What do you think of it?

I'm probably being unfair there.
I think there are a few people as I described, so unfair to tar them all with the same brush.
Either way, I'm not sure it's the group for me.

Polter I find FB ok as long as I keep privacy settings high.
I use it to be a part of a PDA group, follow a few pages that I'm interested in.
Most of my friends and family are hidden so I can see what they're doing when I want to see, then I don't feel bombarded with things I'm not interested in.
I don't accept friend requests from people I don't really know.
It's ok with strict rules in place.
Before I did that it was very stressy.

LeChien IKWYM. I joined it in early 2014, but have barely poked my nose in since. The dark haired moderator just tends to go on and on about her MIL and, well, it seems quite defeatist in tone.

Hello again,

I was going to slink off quietly as I decided to do some of the linked tests to introduce myself properly as it were. I got 28 on the AQ and a slightly spiky to the right but conclusion: 'you are probably neurotypical' on the RDoS thing. So I was thinking, oh I've got this all wrong.

But then I just read through the Everyday Aspergers link at the top of this thread and pretty much everything is me (really the only thing that didn't ring true was about having issues with food; everything else hit something about what I have always felt is the 'problem of me').

So, I don't know. I posted here uncharacteristically somewhat spontaneously because there are thoughts building up that I need to help myself, I need to make sure things don't go wrong (I'm 11 weeks pg with third child, relationship not in the best place, long history of depression and anxiety, and I am terrified of letting my children down). I think I mostly need help with anxiety at the moment, and just someone to talk to to kind of 'keep me on track', keeping everything going, but I think I posted here because I thought it might be somewhere I could find some help.

I feel like I'm gibbering. I guess I wanted to be a bit more open about where I am with the Aspergers side of things, and explain what I'm doing here. I'll keep watching, maybe keep posting, see how things go. Thank you for having me here anyway.

Welcome Seven at work so willvpost later.

You have ro look at women with autism first Seven
I found that by accident.
But hey, if you're NT that's okay too - you might have other issues.
And it'll make you more aware of aurism :)

Autism.

The r and t are too close on my phone

Hi Seven it was reading Everyday Aspergers that helped me realise that yes I did most likely have it. I very much identified with how her mind processes things.

I'm in an ADHD group on facebook, women only. But it's HUGE, it's mostly American, and mostly from the Southern states. There is one other British lady and a couple of Europeans who post - lots of weird jarring moments of culture clash, like you're talking about something and someone will chime in with something about guns, or God and praying, or hitting kids with a belt (!!) as though those are perfectly normal things. The posts move really fast and I can't usually keep up. I nearly left in the first few days because everybody was fawning over somebody in an abusive relationship but not actually giving her advice/support to leave (I later found this was because she had a huge backstory). It's a nice group generally and very supportive but it's chaotic (as you'd expect, of course, from an ADHD group :o)

The page for ADDitude magazine is less overwhelming but it's not women only. There's a huge public group, too, but it's too public for me. I looked at a couple of others but people kept fighting and arguing on them or trying to sell all of these supplements and it just didn't look very good. It's weird. I feel like recently I've discovered a whole new world of facebook, where it was just something I used with friends before, now it's more like I used to use livejournal with all of these communities etc.

Oh, I definitely have other issues nickel

I have identified with much of what I've read about Aspergers for a long time, but I've never looked into it in too much depth. I don't think I want or need a diagnosis (and I suspect wouldn't get one anyway given tests) so there's no pressing need to look too closely at myself and how I fit this particular label.

It has been interesting to read some of the links and discussions from your old thread and it seems that many things that are helpful for people with Aspergers to understand, coping processes, allowances to make etc. will be helpful to me, (but some won't).

My favourite face book group is "you might be an aspie if..."

It's a fab place for support because it's mainly people posting about things they do/say/think that are indicative of asd, and everyone else piling in with "yes! Exactly that!"

I hope you find your answers seven

I need a diagnosis because I'm finding out so much about myself - I am starting to accept myself and it's pretty fab not to have to continue to write myself off as not worth living.

Bertie - that group sounds scary. I don't know if it's just me, but ASC seems to be treated differently over the Pond. A belt? Blimey.

Seven - welcome! Remember that everyone on the Spectrum is a bit different. I don't have any major issues with food either, er, actually I am a bit large, which was caused by depression. Ignore me, I'm rambling off the point, as blooming usual.

Nickel - I was searching for my private dx to prepare for next Thursday's NAS workplace assessment but found my NHS one instead, so I re-read it. It had my in tears, again. It must be all of the realisation.

Nickel, I found that Facebook page, it looks good, doesn't look confrontational at all.

Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind if I join. Some time ago it was suggested to me that I could be on the spectrum and I dismissed it but as I'm getting older I'm beginning to wonder if that's why I've always felt different to people around me.

I tick a lot of the boxes in the link from Bertie (thanks for posting). I have always been a loner but I'm not bothered by it - I don't feel comfortable getting involved in group stuff and I often feel exhausted if I have to spend the day at a social event. Other people have always considered me to be eccentric. And I have huge problems setting boundaries. There is loads. I've spent years being diagnosed with different mental health issues and then having the diagnosis removed because it doesn't fit after all. I have a child with severe ASD and I think my father ticks the boxes for an ASD as well as quite a few other people in my family. Also I married a guy who I believe is also on the spectrum and the friends I'm closest to are also people who consider themselves to be on the spectrum. People consider me friendly but I like to keep friends at arms length and I don't know why. I struggle hugely with organisation and tidiness skills. It has taken me years to become better at this but I have worked on it!! If I go shopping I get overstimulated and confused and in a muddle quite often.

I can't believe I've never considered this until the age of 35 actually.....

Hi boden. I hate to have any kind of social event on the calendar. It "spoils" my future. Doesn't matter what it is and who with, it is a hurdle to be got over!

I have been reminded if an up an coming work Christmas do and I don't want to go and will dread its looming presence.

For that reason I am going to confide in the invitee that I have Aspergers and Dont do groups. I would rather do that than go!!

I don't like social events either, although I'm going to DH's work do this year.
I think because I know it's completely up to me and dh is putting no pressure on me it makes it easier.
Plus eating turkey and Christmas pud is far preferable to wrangling the dc all night by myself!
I can always sneak in some ear plugs.