Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

I hung out in the library, and later the careers library. It was quiet there.

I would've loved that too! I adored the academic side of school.

I liked the art department at school, it was on the top floor and I would go after school and be the only one there sometimes and catch a late bus home.

My mum has surprised me with the history form for my assessment, I thought everything would be 'normal' but she's filled it in very thoroughly and there's all sorts of stuff there. Reassuring in ways.

I'm rubbish at keeping up with this thread, a bit like real life I take it all in then blurt things out occasionally, but it's a great help and congrats to everyone with a recent diagnosis.

Haven't kept up with this at all, but congrats to those who have a new diagnosis

Very busy week, lots of appointments and stress from the dc
I had enough by tuesday night, now I'm just knackered.

Couple of good meetings this week for ds2, so have a bit of hope that things are going to improve.

Yes. School should have been amazing
I loved school! Apart from the other kids. And quite a few of the teachers who thought I was just weird.

In my German class, whenever we did an exercise, we had to queue at the desk, and if we were the first to get all 10 answers right, we won a pfennig. Guess who always got the pfennig?
Yup, so the other kids used to laugh at me.
So I started to slow down to give the others a chance. Still managed to earn the pfennig. So one time I just didn't go up. That nearly killed me.
And guess what happened? They all ripped the piss out of me for not winning a pfennig.

I just didn't stand a chance at school

I'm told I came out of school after my first week and said, "I don't like school, Mummy. I don't think I'm going to go any more." DM said she knew then that school was going to be a long haul

Who was it that said he could find out who the aspies in the school were just by asking the librarian who spent the most time in there.
Which for me, definitely true. Except the library in my 2nd senior school was unwelcoming and crap and I never really used it. So much so that I just had to rack my brains as to where it even was!!
In my 1st senior school, I spent a lot of time in the library, especially before school

I used to bunk off school to go to the town library

Hopeful re: what is asked development-wise, the questions were a lot about whether I engaged in role playing games with kids, had friends as a child etc. I had a list of 15 or do questions to answer, called the relatives' questionnaire, that they sent me after I told them there'd be no one with me for assessment.
My mum always said I developed ok, although she said I was always wilful and stubborn. She never seemed to have a clue - (has dementia now). She too had many kids (4 kids in 7 years) and worked full time as a teacher, so maybe that's why...
Anyway I put the questions to my aunt, who I saw at every single school holiday as a child and teenager. It took courage to ask her - and she said she remembered me as always on the sideline, writing stories and not mingling or chatting (had 10 cousins, so I guess I stood out to her).
And that was all unprompted - I just asked her what her memories of me were. Anyway, it was useful, in the absence of anything else, since I did get diagnosed.
Also wanted to add that afaik Nice recommends that GPs refer us for assessment if we ask - I don't think GPs are allowed any longer to question why 'we should want to know given that there's no help available afterwards anyway etc'. So I wouldn't feel guilty to ask for NHS referral - especially if disclosure at work or in personal relationship etc, is going to help our mental health in the long run.

By 'it took courage' to ask my aunt about what I was like as a kid - basically I felt I had to ring her (which I'd never done before in my life) and organise to go and see her (not in the UK...)... And slip it in the conversation... And the run up to it occupied my mind for months weeks.

Bertie and mountains thank you!

I also used to bunk off school to go to the town library And spent all my time at the school library, and was a member of library club.

Given that, has anyone here been diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD?

It's possible! I don't know anybody personally who is diagnosed with both but there are articles online about it.

I love libraries, though, and reading and I don't identify with most of the ASD stuff.

I never bunked off at all until college and then I can't remember what we did

I'm pretty sure my DS has attention deficit. Or at least he is v v v distractible (is that a word?). Doing homework is extremely painful. He can't concentrate for more than 10 seconds (I wish I was exaggerating). In fact the SEN people at his school's ASD unit brought it up last year, that's when I realised. So I'd say it seems true, but not diagnosed. I'm also disorganised and seem to have v fleeting attention (more so since I've been in ADs fwiw), but I haven't looked into it v deeply.

Thanks. At the moment I'm just at the stage of 'something is different about my brain wiring but I don't know what' - doctor's appointment is for the 3rd. My doctor is the hot young doctor so way too popular when it comes to making appointments!

Sometimes I feel/do stuff that feels very ASD, sometimes not - but I wonder if it's ADHD plus sensory issues plus anxiety rather than ADHD plus ASD. I always worry that people think I'm claiming this to show off or something though!

Argh, can I just rant quickly about productivity?

It's the weekend and we are moving in six weeks. So obviously jobs to be done. I haven't done anything this week. Just totally skimmed over things (okay, I deep cleaned the hallway on Monday.) Today I know I need to do something, but it took me 2hrs yo get out of bed. Then DH was getting boxes out, which spurred me on. But I still feel lost in a fuzz so I decide to make a plan. Plan is finished and I go to start only for DH to announce it's lunchtime. Lunch time? I haven't done anything yet! Luckily he makes lunch for DS. So I'm going to start anyway, but I know I'll flag with hunger in a couple of hours. It just feels like as soon as I get into something, an interruption comes and I have to stop!

Officially diagnosed with adhd.

According to Aspie Quizzes.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 116 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 118 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

Just thought it would be interesting to see how much or little overlap there is between the two.

I get a similar result on that, Senpai. And on the RDOS quiz with the visual at the end, I'm more symmetrical. Not over to either side. I can't remember if I saved my chart, it was interesting.

Have you got a link to that quiz senpai?

Mummysparkle The Aspie Quiz

There's also other quizzes on the first post of this thread. :)

Mine were predictably NAT on communication and hyper focusing on interests. But just fine on adapting to social situations and being at ease with relationships.

Here's mine, I've done the quiz a few times over the years and it always comes out looking similar, quite rounded but majorly shifted to the right.

Oh, it was 147 Aspie, 61 NT

Yours looks like mine, Senpai! God that's almost spooky. Maybe we've found a new trend? An hourglass shape which falls neither more to the left or right represents a kind of neurodiversity which is not ASD.

I'm going to try this out on my ADHD facebook group...