Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

The article is great!
There is no help or support out there for us only other people who have gone through the same thing and get it. i don't know about you but what being autistic has taught me is to be resourceful because I have had to be to adapt all the time: learning things for myselves or finding solutions nobody else has to find. I still use these skills to get by but with a greater understanding of the world that my diagnosis has given me. It's still challenging but at least it all makes sense and that makes a lot of difference. On a more practical basis,polter what I did do after diagnosis was to be strict with myself on 1) strict routine 2) attend to my sensory needs 3) try to stay positive: the diagnosis is definitely worth it! 4)loads of down time 5) relaxation/deep breathing once a day for 10 minutes for 18 months. They made a huge difference.

Well I was diagnosed, in under an hour, by one man...
He didn't challenge anything I said in reply to his questions, just nodded, and gave me a piece of paper that officially says it (because I've got a job interview in Monday, and he/we thought it might help).
I'm still getting my head round to it, after all this time, and also wondering how true it is - decided in under one hour by one person?! It's 'Asperger's' too - I thought that had disappeared? 'Moderate degree': it that between mild and severe? So, not mild, then?
I've been unable to cook dinner (we had sandwiches), and it almost doesn't feel true. I suppose reading the report will help? He didn't look at my questionnaires or my elaborate life timeline . Oh well.

I don't think I have meltdowns.
I can relate to everything else, and I do have plenty of times where I have to leave a situation.
I also have times where I completely lose it, swear and chuck stuff, but it's very quick and is nothing like the pattern that I thought meltdowns take, and I'll feel fine after an hour or two.
I do think I have AS, but I think I'll always have doubts when I don't tick all the boxes.

I try to do the sorts of things that I do with ds, which I find help me calm down when things are stressy, but at the moment it means I've become a recluse.
My dog tends to lie across my shoulders when I'm sitting down, which is very calming (until he kisses, which are less lovely!).

Mountains, that's great. I'm pleased for you

Thanks. I feel a bit like a fraud, though, for some strange reason. I don't think I've ever had a meltdown either, although I've had dark episodes when I can't cope with ambiguity, and I don't even pretend to try. (I'm probably saying too much!) :)

Hello everyone someone pointed me in the way of this thread sorry I can't remember who it was.
I went with Dh yesterday for his assessment he was given a diagnosis of autism. During conversation at the end of the meeting the clinical physcologist made reference that she thinks my diagnosis of bi polar is in fact autism and that I was missing diagnosed and suggested that I could go for assessment. My initial reaction was shock now I have got over the shock am still unsure what to do.
When it comes to traits I don't lack emotion am rather opposite I have way to much empathy and emotion, I am one of those people that has to avoid watching the news as I get so absorbed in the emotion with what's going on in the world I am a nervous wreck. I hate socialising tbh I only ever really socialise with my kids my parents and my husband. I hate family functions and avoid them me and hubby got married in August and only ended up having our children and parents their as I just couldn't handle it. I am very ocd even though my house doesn't look like it but living with a hubby and 3 boys it's hard to keep up I hoover and steam mop at least 3 times a day. If I end up missing a day due to being out my husband gas to help me get back into routine as I get so overwhelmed I don't know where to start and end up doing nothing for days on end. I can't handle things not being done in my routine and have to have full control. If I have an appointment somewhere or meeting my parents I have to arrive 20 minutes early as I can't handle being late it makes me so anxious. One of the bizarre things about me is what ever my children wear when they are ill I can't let them wear again as I get anxious thinking that are going to be ill again.
I am scared and anxious about getting assessed as we have already had social services get involved as professionals were worried how we would cope being a complex family ( me being bi polar Dh being suspect autism at the time now diagnosed and 2 ds''s being autistic) social services were actually stunned at how brilliantly as a family we coped and signed us off within a week. I just worried that if my diagnosis does get changed then we would end up going though this again. Is it really worth doing? Do you think they would investigate us again I don't want to put my family though that again.

Welcome Lyndsay!

That must've come as a massive massive shock to you.

FWIW I think it's being recognised now that autistic people don't necessarily lack empathy. Some people show it in different ways, or have more empathy, or different kinds of empathy, or are empathetic but don't always interpret others' cues the same way others would so don't realise how the other person is feeling - but once they know, the empathy is there.

Thank you Gumblebee. It was a massive shock I have read an article about female traits and I am actually realising slowly that she right I 'fit' the traits more than I do 'fit' bi polar.

I apologise for my spelling it's a little rubbish also I apologise for how am wording it am not quiet sure how to explain it another way.

Thank you poltergeist I am going to set some time to sit down and have a good read of everything

Hello! Nice to see you made it lyndsay!

polter go ahead and ask MNHQ to move the other threads, now we have our own area it makes sense to have all the previous threads together.

Your wording was just fine, you're making perfect sense to me. I think I was kind of agreeing with you anyway

It sounds like SS were perfectly happy with you as a family, I don't see why they would need to assess you again. It's obviously clear to them that you're great parents

Thank you to you both, I am going to get some reading into it done and hopefully get it to sink in a little better and come back here later with a hopefully clearer mind

Thank you Gumblebee we just want our boys to be happy and have a good life

Thanks polterGoose. Im wondering whether/how to say it at the interview (library job). They are 'positive about disability' but I think that's just about getting selected for interview, it doesn't help beyond, does it.
(Anyone else was diagnosed by one person in under one hour btw?)
It's v v odd. Sister and XP dubious. DP and good friend happy for me.

Hello! I hope nobody minds me wandering in. The lovely Polter told me about this board I had no idea it existed!

I was diagnosed with AS this week :) feeling very pleased as I'd wondered for a few years. Actually I'd go so far as to say I am elated, as I had started to feel I'd never know for sure.

I'll be starting a thread about my assessment and the other issues it covered/brought up when I have more energy, but thought I'd say hello. :)

Have been thinking about the assessment I think I should do it my reasoning for doing it is:
When the physcologist told me she thinks I was misdiagnosed as bi polar my initial reaction was ohhh am not crazy after all. Bi polar has always made me feel broken messed up and crazy. The thought of being autistic makes me feel like am not broken after all and makes me feel more clearer about myself.

Completely agree with that Polter.

I've just had a near argument with someone over the new John Lewis Christmas ad.
I think it may be an aspie thing, because I watched it and picked the whole thing to pieces.
But I've come across as cold and heartless :o
I got the penguin advert, childrens' imagination etc. I got it, and I even cried a little bit about it.
But this one? No, nothing plausible about it at all.

After events this afternoon I think I will leave it. It's clear people think am deluded and crazy and that the physcologist didn't mean she thought I was autistic and that I am just support everyone else as always and forget myself. Apparently mention 2 women's autistic traits is going on and in about it and am not supposed to talk about. So I get the message of them I will just crawl back into my hole and shut my mouth. Seems that's where they like me.

Ah, stuff 'em Lyndsay.
Other's opinions don't matter, it's what you think that matters. After all, you have to be with yourself more than they do.
Don't give up on it because someone else can't handle it.