Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Ok, thanks, I have.

Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing ok? I've been thinking about my assessment at LW coming up on 4th Dec. I've been writing down traits and other things that I do and something I've noticed is that I over share information,usually personal info. For example if I meet someone I tend to go into great,long,lengthy explanations about things and tell them my life story whether they want it or not. I have no idea if this is indicative of Aspergers really but I feel it's significant. I also have huge problems relaying information. So if someone has given me a set of instructions I find it very difficult to tell someone else those same instructions.
Can anyone else relate to this?

Yeah! I am back (just drop the 2 at the end of my name!)!!! Had loads of problem logging in after the security scare a few months back! I know I missed loads but congrats to Polter for finally going for it with the diagnosis and I love this new shiny section!
disorgonised, I can relate to the bit about giving far to many details about myself, it is on my long list of things I try to keep under control as much as I can these days!

I am good thanks polter, we have had quiet a stressful time recently but coping ok. I am back at work part-time as well so a lot going on and not enough down time. How are you doing post-diagnosis? I think a lot of people have heightened symptoms post diagnosis it does go away after a while though but you might not have them as you have been aware of your symptoms/traits for a long time.

Are people generally not offered any help or advice after diagnosis?

Would it be worth seeing your GP and asking to be referred for some counselling? At least having it included on your medical records? Even if it's not an official clinical diagnosis, they can't just dismiss it, particularly if it's affecting you.

Gumble actually most autistic adult men I know are extroverts!

Sorry for everyone having tough times at the moment

hidden I've had counselling at various times, admittedly before diagnosis, but it's always been a temporary help for me, soon after the sessions finish I go downhill again.

I'm hoping to be able to afford private sessions soon, with someone experienced in ASD to see if that helps.

I'm also on antidepressants to help with anxiety.

I had some training at work the other day and there was some work around an 'arousal' curve. If I can get a picture of it or find a link I'll post it later. But it's a graphical depiction of how 'worked up' someone is, and you annotate it with triggers, signs that arousal is increasing, what might happen at the peak (ie a meltdown), how to calm the person down again, and signs that they are calm. We filled it in for one of our children, but while I was doing it I thought it might be a really useful tool for me too!

So mine would be:
Triggers: feeling trapped, certain noises, people bumping me, not being listened to
Signs of increasing arousal: fidgeting, stimming with hands and feet, chewing, going mute OR talking too much, too loud, too high pitched. Breathing faster. Certain body posture.
What might happen at the peak: running away, throwing things, shouting, self harm
Things that calm me: time alone, under a blanket, listening to music, playing games on my phone, deep pressure
Signs I'm calm again: when I can look at you and talk normally

The idea being that it helps you and people around you identify when you're getting wound up and intervene before the meltdown happens. So I became dangerously close while at a train station- I felt trapped, people were bumping me and it was noisy- DH recognised that my breathing and body posture had changed- he took my arm and guided me out of the crowd- meltdown averted, though I was still in a high state of arousal due to the fact that I couldn't then do any of my usual calming things till I was completely calm.

I saw this linked on FB this morning! thought some of you might want to read it.
(Regular but have name changed)

Sorry, my ipad puts ! Instead of , and makes posts look dramatic.

Interesting info from everyone.

Would this explain what's happening to me at work then? I start to get more and more stressed - not with the actual job, but with the interaction that goes with it - and start to feel ill? I'm often exhausted the next day too. I try not to do more than two shifts together.

I often feel like running away when I see that someone needs to speak to me

From the link:

The tragedy is the misinformation about autism floating around in the ether, which is to blame for even educated people insisting that only little boys obsessing over toy train sets and banging their heads walls can be autistic. The same misinformation that leads to misdiagnosis and maltreatment, or no diagnosis at all.

This is what's happened to ds1

Mine too hidden, ds2 definitely, and I'm pretty sure for ds1 too.
I think it was one of your posts on another thread about the NHS and ticking boxes, therefore missing many cases of ASD.
We've been trying to get through to teachers for 10 years that something's going on, but with no success, because he looks fine, but he's not, and it's becoming more apparent that, in school anyway, he's unravelling.
He's having an unofficial assessment in a couple of weeks.

I like "Smiles and lies are the societal standard" from the link.

That's good that he's having an assessment Phil they school might take notice hopefully.

I absolutely need to come to terms with the NHS failure to assess ds1 otherwise it's going to eat away at me. I'm trying to think about it in different ways rather than just react with emotion which is destructive. The people involved were just ignorant, incompetent and arrogant which I find are the traits I dislike most in people

If my private assessment comes back positive, then I'll try to persuade ds to have one too. I'm still awaiting to hear back from the psych to find out if I need a full assessment - I sent back some questionnaires designed to test my probability of having asd. I hope it's done before Christmas.

"Smiles and Lies", blimey yes

Phil I'm trying to reply to your pm but it's not working

Still plodding along here. Still nearly three weeks until my next appointment where i'll get my result..! Not looking forward to it at all.

I had a feeling it would be familiar to you polter!

This IMHO is the main problem with adult diagnoses. If you are diagnosed as a child, you (should, doesn't always happen though) get support from teachers, SENCOs, OTs, Ed Psychs, paediatricians, your parents... putting this sort of stuff in place and helping the child to actually use it.

As an adult, it's assumed that either I don't need this stuff, or I have my own techniques, or I'm capable of researching and learning it. Which I am, kind of, but if I didn't have any problems then I wouldn't have got the diagnosis. The fact that I have deficits bad enough to get the diagnosis means that I can't do this on my own. The very definition of a meltdown means that your cognitive processes are disrupted and you act on instinct- you can't think yourself out of a meltdown you can only hope to reprogram the reflex action, and to do that you need a competent adult to help. It's all very well knowing my own triggers and symptoms, but even if I recognise that I am simmering, I physically can't ask for help at that moment!

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant!

It's a very lonely, frustrating experience