Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Do you mean your H says there is no way you can have it or there is money to pay for it or was that an auto correct?

As most of the people on this thread are married then it should follow they can't have it!!? Yet they have.

I always wondered why that as soon as I was in a relationship I was trying to get out of it? Yet I wanted to cling at the same time. It would cause me so much anxiety I could not relax for a minute.

That is why it is a hidden disability as you just can't see inside a persons head.

One thing I do wonder. Do you think a diagnosis from L W centre would hold any weight should one need to claim for say DLA etc or is it only a NHS one that counts?

Polter or anyone else?

I imagine the LW process is a lot more thorough than the NHS assessment I had.

I meant that my dh said that there's no way I could have it (stupid auto correct!). I've been with dh for nearly 20 years and he is my soulmate but I find relationships so very hard. He says I'm permanently angry,upset,shouting. When I've really looked into it I discovered that I have depression and anxiety but when I looked even further part of the reason I struggle so much is because I'm so rigid. Obv that's only 1 tiny part of ASD.
Wrt a dx from LW, I think (though happy to be corrected) that they are one of the top places to get s dx from so would definitely hold weight.

Well they are the experts and I hear it can be hit and miss with NHS. I have not been to doctors since my diagnosis but i wonder if they would find it credible as it was not NHS?

Hope I Dont need the doctors but will be interesting to see what they say when I do.

Also my ds was dx at LW and it was done with DISCO. It was so thorough as others have said.

JG said that if my D's (30) wanted to go for diagnosis it would be a full day assessment with me attending.

Mine was half day as both parents are deceased.

Good luck dis and to everyone having a hard time.

I'm all over the place this week. DP is off work and my routine is all out of synch and I can't think straight. Really need to work out how to make space for myself now we're homeschooling.

Did book my place on a health and well being event for women and girls with autism in a couple of weeks. I'll go openly for my DDs and undercover for myself while I wait for assessment.

Has anyone else got Meares Irlen? Sorry if it's been discussed. I had pink glasses years ago and after months of sore eyes I went to a clinic last week and I'm now waiting for lovely new tinted glasses that make everything feel so much better. The fluorescent waiting room nearly finished me off though.

Allofafumble- I've been told that my assessment will take 2-3 hours. My parents attending hasn't been discussed. I'm worried now. My letter says 2-3 hour diagnostic assessment. I'm worried now.

Don't worry. I think they only need to have parents to assess young children. I was alone (my son waited downstairs) and it took around 2.5 hours. I did write out some notes with my memories. Is your dh going too?

Good luck dis!
I've been increasingly tired this week, making me less and less chatty and a lot abrupter. I can feel and hear myself doing it, but I can't stop it. I'm worried about the impact on my job and colleagues. This weekend the only time I have on my own to relax and gather myself together is time spent on trains.

Thank you Polter .

Allofaflumble yes my dh is coming too. I'm planning on writing lots of notes too. My mum is going to make notes over the next few weeks of significant things from when I was a child. She has also seen the similarities between ds and myself. To get the assessment I had to fill in a referral form which I thought I'd completely messed up but obviously they seem to think that there's enough there to warrant further investigation.

My sister always said my D's was exactly the same as I was as a child!

I am wondering where EauRouge has got to? There are a few names missing who were very important to our discussions. Hope they look in sometime and say hello.

The parents thing dis is that they ask them about what you were like as a child.
Because it helps to gain a picture as to whether it's been your whole life (ie autism) or since adulthood (other diagnosis such as anxiety or depression etc)

Does anyone else identify with any of these things? I have literally gone through life thinking I'm weird or just a failure at being an adult. Perhaps there is more to it though? It would actually be a relief if there was a reason why I'm like this which is not just that I'm pathetic.

I hate having my photograph taken and I always have. I hate people watching me while I eat and watching me generally. I would never be able to cope with appearing in video taped recordings.

I have real trouble setting boundaries with people. And my friend says I'm naive and I can't see how someone else intends a relationship situation to play out. He said to me 'you have a lot going for you but your predictive abilities are not world class' The result is that I've been in many various kinds of abusive relationships. The other thing is that I read that people with Aspergers are more likely to be taken in by someone who seems obsessed with them in the beginning. And this is definitely true of me. Other people have said that this would put them off actually.

Oh the other thing is that I've always felt really awkward doing pretend play with my children - or at any other time. I remember having to do role play type stuff at school and absolutely hating it. However, it was a little easier for me to learn specific lines for a play.

Yes, I find it hard to work out where something is going.
Or what others' intentions are.

Yes, I find imaginative play very difficult. When I was a child, I either played the same thing over and over again or did things that were prescribed (like puzzles or dot to dots etc)

I do find myself obsessing over every little detail of a conversation, both before and afterwards.

I had a think about the pretend play thing re: myself as a child. As a child I had loads of dolls and when I think back, I actually did very little imaginative play with them. I just dressed them all up in various outfits and arranged them. There was no storyline. I remember that every Christmas I would get another new doll and people would comment on how many I had. As an adult I'm quite obsessive about my clothes and make up etc and also my children's clothes. Their outfits must be well put together otherwise I feel really anxious. My mum often recalls how, when I was in hard labour I started stressing about dd1's outfit because it didn't match and I was not happy until she had been changed.

My parents gave up on getting me dolls

I did apparently enjoy playing with my Duplo - I said "Mmmm - chicken!" to me Duplo chicken. Also had an awesome trainset, and a couple of generations' worth of matchbox cars and Lego. But mostly I ignored toys and just read books, from being about three. I think my love for fiction is what has allowed me to mask for so long, as so much children's fiction has very clear explanations of people's behaviour and motivations, and lots of interior monologue to offer an insight into other people's minds.

Another thing which is coming back to me is when I was about 11/12 we were asked to write a script of a telephone conversation we might have. My script was painfully stilted and unimaginative and everyone laughed - I still cringe at the memory of it :( The English teacher was surprised because I was very good at writing articles etc. But anything that involved improvisation was an obvious problem!

Like polter I did a lot of arranging and making and setting up... I would build Lego but never really played with it, once it was built it sat on my shelf till I took it apart again to build something different.

I did play with dolls and teddies, but I would reenact things I had seen, read or experienced, and do the same scenarios over and over again.

I loved puzzles and maths worksheets, I remember spending some of my Christmas money on a maths book that just had page after page of sums!

I struggle hugely with imaginative play too.I loved care bears and my little pony as a child but thinking back I collected them and I did play with them but not in a NT way if you get me.When I had my boys I struggled to play with them and I still do.I can't do improvisation at all.I loved lego too and was a huge reader.i agree with Gumblebee about fiction allowing us to mask as that may be what I did too.I have certainly learnt a lot from watching my older sister and others.