Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

What? Mums net has got weird recently. Time was, posters would be sympathetic and quite impressed that a child was empathetic enough to realise something was wrong. Or maybe I'm naive and didn't see those threads before :(

Either way that's shit. I'm sure nobody would think it was abuse if a child saw their parent having an asthma attack or a diabetic sugar crash. It's not like you can help it. Are you a lone parent?

Hug, I'm really sorry things are so difficult for you at the minute. I don't think it puts you in the child abuse category at all, but if know what Bertie means, MN has changed recently.

Polter, your boss sounds great. Hope some changes make work life easier.

I've just got all affronted at a thread asking for a topic for partners of someone in prison, in the same thread someone has asked for a topic for those with a partner with asperger's, as it's similar.
So comparing living with AS to having an absent partner, who is incarcerated because they are a criminal .
I haven't posted as I may have got the wrong end of the stick, but I feel all offended.
(If this is out of order posting this, please let me know and I'll ask MN to delete it!)

I probably shouldn't have posted it here at all.

Bertie I am a lone parent. I have really supportive friends, but I can only ask so much of them. I'm a bit better today, weirdly I do the day after an epic meltdown. (I did manage to hold off until they were in bed, my DS1 just takes ages to settle sometimes, even with melatonin.)

Bertie I am a lone parent. I have really supportive friends, but I can only ask so much of them. I'm a bit better today, weirdly I do the day after an epic meltdown. (I did manage to hold off until they were in bed, my DS1 just takes ages to settle sometimes, even with melatonin.)

I read in Tony Attwood's book that he suspected there would be many aspies amongst the chronically unemployed.

I expect that would be offensive to someone. Also it could be true that some prisoners have Taken to crime due to not having the diagnosis to understand their limitations in the work place?

Just my thoughts for what they are worth.

I have noticed that the 'Mumsnet Talk' top topics or whatever they're called on the sidebar seem to be getting quite heated of late. I tend to only talk about my AS on a 'safe space' to to speak because there's a whole load of opinion out there about what people with SNs should be doing/living etc.

I have my NAS Workplace Assessment tomorrow.

You're probably right Fumble.
I think I've joined the ranks of the Professionally Offended.

So sorry for those of you feeling down. I do think that mumsnet seems a bit more nasty than usual. Years ago I posted to ask about my dd who had neurovirus at the time and I got jumped in and told I was a bad parent because I didn't automatically know what to do. And I had another difficult thread more recently when I was asking for advice about a situation that I found awkward but I was basically accused of lying. I don't always have the same automatic common sense as others.

Actually, years ago when some of us were positing about the difficult behaviours our autistic kids have, there were people jumping onto the threads and criticising parenting etc. And at that point it was decided that the SN topic should be hidden from everyone except those looking for it.

Anyway, sorry to go off at a tangent. I saw my GP today and she said my bipolar diagnosis has been officially removed. She thought it would be very reasonable to refer me to adult services to assess for an ASD. She seemed very receptive to my concerns.

Sorry it should say norovirus

I thought so too. Thanks PollterGoose.

Yes true that the SN board was created as a response to those kinds of posts so perhaps it's always been that way. I have a vague suspicion that in the early days of MN there just weren't enough posters to have widespread understanding of SN, then came a sort of "golden time" where there were enough prolific posters posting about SN to normalise it but not so many that there were rude and brash newcomers barging in with their size 9s. But I don't know if that's actually true. It might just be that I wasn't aware of the SN threads before because I didn't have any relevant experience to add.

But even just stupid stuff like grammar and opinions on threads, (there was an actual argument about early weaning the other day whereas for years it would have been a unanimous response) use of the ever derided "hun", lol, kisses at the end of posts - you can just tell it's becoming much bigger and you get more of a cross section now whereas it used to tend towards a more intellectual feel. I don't want to put anyone down so hope that doesn't come across badly - there were always times where a kiss was appropriate etc, but for example on a child behaviour management thread, it jars with my expectations and I have to keep reminding myself it's not such a safe space any more. Sad really. I'm on a few closed facebook groups and I comment on certain "safe" facebook friends' posts and I find certain sub-boards of MN are better than others.

Hug - it's a shame that ASD isn't recognised in the public eye as being like a medical condition (I know it's not medical, but in terms of it causing episodes where you can't control your reaction) - because if you were diabetic or asthmatic or had MS or something like that and were a lone parent I'd imagine most people would be sympathetic to the prospect of an attack and be happy to pop over just as a neighbour to keep an eye on and reassure the DC in such an event, and yet I just can't imagine a meltdown being something that a random neighbour would be comfortable dealing with :(

It's not abuse - it's the way that you are and you can't help it. I don't think DC will be damaged - frightened maybe, but what can you do? If ASD was recognised then perhaps you could call over the friendly neighbour. Hopefully one day that will be the case. For now just reassurance after the fact and I'm sure that DS will understand more as he gets older. It's not like being an alcoholic who refuses to seek help and treatment.

I'm here! I'm glad he likes it, but did you even get a chance to try it?

I can remember being slaughtered on AIBU in my early days of MN. I was in floods of tears. The positive was that it got rid of loads of repressed feelings etc and I was refreshed to begin again. I felt heart broken though. I know that sounds dramatic.

Hug I was a single parent too. Now have a big strapping lad of 30. We are both a bit bonkers but get by ok. Don't forget you are doing your very best and that is all you can do in this life.

I sometimes think that we can go down this time of year. It seems to be programmed into me to start to feel very low. It is ironic, as I absolutely loathe the hot days and bright sunshine and start wishing for Autumn as soon as they start.

I had a bit of a meltdown over the weekend. More though feeling very sad and alone. Something had happened at home and I felt devastated by it. It left me feeling totally bereft. A feeling that I was born to be alone and that I would always be alone. I miss having a partner (we split two years ago) yet I find it so hard to be around someone, particularly the ahem....physical.......I didn't want to sit near him or cuddle in the later days. I found the whole thing repellent.

Please let me apologise for the random postings and sometimes irrelevant things to the thread. I sometimes catch a little when at work and then feel like I have to outpour. Anyway I am glad you are all here. :)

LeChien XX :)

Hi all,I don't know if you remember but I posted a while back saying that I've just been accepted by the Lorna Wing for an assessment.I've just got the date through and it's 4th December.I'm going to be assessed by Judith Gould who is THE authority on aspergers in girls/women and I think she helped set up the Lorna Wing centre?I'm now terrified that she will look at me and think this is a huge waste of her time but otoh I think there's no way she would assess me if she wasn't interested right?Sorry,i just need some hand holding right now.Things are rubbish at home with aspie ds1 and ds2 who keeps winding him up.

That soubds Fab dis
I hope it goes well - at least with an asd assessment you don't have ti be scared if hiding the crazy

That's great news disorganisedmummy

Thanks everyone for your replies and support.
I first started to wonder about me being on the spectrum whilst going through the process with ds1. So many things kept resonating with me. When I started to look into it more I realised that ds1 and I are so similar which perhaps is why I struggle to deal with him in some ways. We are both so very rigid. I didn't think anymore if it till a few months ago when I stumbled on this thread. You all gave me the courage to ring Lorna Wing and ask if they assess adults and the rest is history,as they say ! Never in a million years did I think they would accept my referral and agree to assess me. My husband who is very supportive says there's money I can have it as I've been able to hold down relationships and my job before I have up work to be a sahm was a beauty therapist so I was working with the public. It's strange but Although I did feel a bit different as a child it's been in the last few years that these differences have really come out. I just need to know now if me having ASD may be the reason why I find everything so bloody hard,why I can't relate at all to ds2,why I'm so obsessive,rigid and so on.
Thanks for reading. Big love and hugs to you all x