Neurodiversity support thread: Women with suspected/self-diagnosed/diagnosed ASC & ADHD

[EauRouge]

No sign of our own forum yet, so for now here's a new support thread for women on the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Newbies more than welcome!

The old thread is here.

Here are some helpful links for newbies:

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

I took off Tony Attwood because it was about people with autism rather than for people with autism. Anyone else got any book recommendations?

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

If any of those don't work, it's because I'm cooking the DDs' dinner and I'm shit at multitasking. What's that burning smell?

I think it is perhaps inevitable that on this particular thread misunderstandings and differences in interpretation may occur...

Thanks for explaining playnicely.

I spend so much time analysing people's words (as opposed to instinctively understanding and using tone of voice etc to help) I probably do read things into it that aren't there.

It takes me a seemingly much longer time than it does for others to integrate in to a group or workplace. I've been doing placements for years now at university and every single one of my evaluations started with how quiet I am at the beginning and how reserved. It just seems I need a long time to understand the 'rules' and expectations of a place/person. And once I've figured it out, it's fine.
Does anyone else recognise this feeling? I tried explaining it once (badly) during an evaluation and it obviously made no sense whatsoever to them.

Also they absolutely loved oral exams at university and god did I hate them. My mind would go blank and I couldn't answer at all or whatever came out was a completely flustered rambling mess. I had one where I was sat next to the professor instead of accross from and that was better, because I didn't have to look at them too much.
Nobody else seemed to feel there was a big difference between oral and written exams.

A psychologist once suggested I had Asperger's. To my mother. Nobody bothered to tell me until 5 years later and then I was too angry about that to really think about it. So I've been lurking just to gather info.

Rivier, i've always enjoyed learning languages, but never did any at gcse/alevel/etc because i hate oral exams! I did and enjoyed drama as even though i has to remember lines, if i wasnt directly looking at someone my mind didnt go blank

i got my letter from the lovely lady at the KAS.
It was aimed at the GP, saying she recommends i get referred as i showed enough autistic traits (paraphrasing massively here), and an official bit about me being entitled to a proper assessment and diagnosis.

So I rang my GP and have an appointment on Tuesday.
very excited, very scared.

Crohn - yes, anything I lose i go into huge panic mode, even if i know that it's in the house somewhere.
mainly when I neeeeed it right now (eg about to leave the house and can't find phone/keys).

However, i got my driving licence renewal form through yesterday and i haven't a clue where my old one is.
i know i had it to apply for my dbs renewal, and that i was given it back, but i have no clue where it has gone now.
I don't need it until October, so i didn't panic (after an initial small panic because it wasn't in my box)

my mum claims all sorts of stuff.

we can't reliably rely on anything she says.

It's highly likely that her lack of being able to stick to one story is down her also having (undiagnosed) asperger's.
It totally fits with everything I know about me now.

I now wonder whether her exaggerated memories are down to her rewriting it in her own head over and over until she can't remember what actually happened or what she'd hoped had happened/planned out in her head to happen.

i can't do exams at all

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b068xh3m

Ten minute section on this morning's Today programme on waits for autism diagnosis with Simon Baron-Cohen and a mother of a teenage boy with Asperger's (starts at 1h45m).

Thank you Gumble, will have a listen later.

I have been at a wedding all day. Not only a wedding but one where the venue was so small the B&G decided not to invite their friend's other halves so I have had to mingle all day without DH there as back up. I am shattered!

Hope you can get a good lie in and quiet day to recover. Well done for going though!

Our car broke down on Saturday, luckily we have AA cover but it still took 6 hours to get the car sorted, garaged, and to get us home. I was proud of how well I coped but once I got home I just dropped.

I bought some ear plugs this morning, never tried them before, and they're amazing!
Doing the dishwasher was almost a joy, it's taken the edge off ds's shrieking.
I feel so much calmer for having them in.

I love ear plugs LeChien, especially since DH snores!

Not rest today unfortunately as we have travelled some 5 hours in the car to visit in-laws. However DD was really good hardly whined at all watching DVDs on her travel TV and DH had relaxed conversation. I'm exhausted but my in-laws understand so I'll probably crawl into bed early!

Well done Crohn, I had a minor crisis Saturday but handled it ok. It's very satisfying when you can!

I prefer ear muffs/defenders/headphones to ear plugs, I don't like the blocked ear feeling plugs give you (whereas something over my ears feels like a hug). But ear plugs are more discreet (especially for swimming, I hate the way it echoes in the pool).

I feel guilty though if I use anything when DD is around, so avoid it as much as possible. Swimming's not too bad because she's right there next to me and if I'm not holding on to her then I'm looking and focused on her. But she doesn't yet understand that she needs to make sure she has my attention before she talks.

Saw this linked on FB, thought it might be of interest.
www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/why-autism-spectrum-disorders-are-under-diagnosed-in-women/6570896

I don't have problems with sounds.
I can't shut off from them but they don't stress me.
In fact, I find it more stressful when I can't hear any noises.
I used to live on a farm and only slept when the grain silos were going!
I find myself listening and straining for any noises I can just so I have noises. When I was a teen I found that a ticking alarm clock really helped - it was a steady noise I could hear and it was enough noise for me not to listen out for noises.
Sleeping with other people in the room put pay to that!

Oh, ears though.
I have earmuffs for when it's a bit colder.
My ears physically hurt when they get cold, so any sign of wind or cold weather and I have to have my ear muffs in my bag.
I don't care if they look silly

I hate having things in my ears so struggle with earplugs, i can just about cope for music but i hate the feeling. Not really a fan of having my ears covered either, though that is partly cause of earrings

My ds1 has asked me to get him some ear defenders as he gets so upset by loud noises

Sorry to just randomly reappear over here but I need somewhere safe to say this !

I very recently quit my job over a ridiculous money thing, I have worked in the place for 7 yrs and its a very small team. Most people have worked there 5 yrs or more and a couple for 3 yrs no one new since then!!

I got on quite well with some of the others and one in particular who I encouraged to come to work in the setting I thought I had a good relationship with!

Not one single person has text me to ask why I havent gone back to work! They started back after the summer today but were working most of last week!

I actually thought those people cared about me and my family!!

How wrong I was! People are so false how the hell are you supposed to work out if someone is actually your friend or not or if they even care about you!!

I am feeling the need to drop out of society for a while, my world is getting smaller and smaller!

Urgh, its awful isnt it i've had that in the past too, and even now i'm paranoid about every 'friend' i have, wondering if they would even message to say hello if i werent around

Yeah, feeling a bit sorry for myself today!

Trying desperately not to allow our world to shrink to nothing but need to establish us within the home ed community is daunting at the moment!

Have taken a break for a while and we are away next week but that just allows me not to interact with anyone other than DP and Dd3!

I think I have a couple of "friends" but who can tell!! One of my friends is also my cousin, we grew up together and are both probably aspie but her world is fairly small too!

Hey ho, I will no doubt pull myself together over the next few weeks!

Ineed - :(
I know exactly what you mean, though - the number of times I've left a workplace and never seen any of them again.

I can never decide whether it's them that don't like me or whether it's just because i'm not there that means they don't think about me.
shame they didn't even contact you when you first left, though - i've never had that.