Hello,
Occasional poster here who's name changed to use this thread.
Not seeking an official diagnosis as I don't feel that would help me - and I am quite an odd case so might not get one. I mostly have good people skills now, but wouldn't have said I did until about age 30. They are all self-taught from psychology textbooks and therapy I did for other reasons. (It was like an extra sense being woken up. Before that I used to think things like it was pointless saying hello to people at work because they were always there like furniture was, it was annoying for them to expect otherise; later I even became good with small talk. Now I am very high on BOTH systematising and empathising. Though sometimes the empthy is a bit "in my head" and I don't always manage to act according to what the other person feels or likely feels.)
I also took a very long time to learn things that aspies have difficulties with - there are so many tiny things I recognise on tests which I had no idea meant anything; one I saw today in a link above was difficulties with clocks. I was extremely bright as a child but it wasn't until my mid teens I was truly comfortable reading clocks, although I could get by without people noticing. There are tons of little traits I have like this, and it would get very boring, and probably exceed the permitted word count, if I were to list them all.
During university and since my friendship groups have always included people wth aspergers, and a majority who feel they have traits. I worked for a while in a charity that supported people with various problems including autism and I always clicked very well with people who had it.
Yet it never occurred to me that I might actually have it. A few years ago a family member younger than me was diagnosed with it. (An older relative also always seemed like a classic case.) For some reason earlier this year I looked at some lists about women with aspergers and there were only a handful of things I'd never had (there were things I'd grown out of in my twenties, and a few things that had only become a problem when I got a bit older, as a separate medical condition made me more tired.)
The crucial thing about it though has been understanding what it's now easy to see as 'meltdowns'. (TBH I don't feel obstructed by any of my other aspie traits, only this one.) I remember feeling when I was about 10 that there was something inside me I simply couldn't control in those tantrums, whilst I was good at being able to control myself in many other ways, that was just impossible. Lots of running off to spare rooms or toilets in workplaces to try and contain the little bouts of weird rage. Trying not to bite the inside of my mouth (which, when I was younger was often raw from this method of trying to contain myself during the 'meltdowns'). For a long time I linked these tempers with childhood trauma and bad learned behaviour, (my mother had a weird temper too, and she has more aspie traits than me, but because we don't have monotone voices and look 'well-turned out, I never connected either of us with being aspergers until recently understanding there's more to it than that.) These tempers were weirdly resistant to all the stuff that helped the other issues that came from those, as if one was trying to fix a physical matter, like a nose shape one disliked, or a missing limb, just by thinking about it. They still occurred although I was able to see other people's point of view when I thought about it. It was just too annoying! I can certainly reduce the 'meltdowns' by avoiding, for example, annoying material on the internet - although feeling bad due to other medical issues makes containment harder, and sometimes I've worked out why certain things get to me. But I've never gone more than two or three months without at least one of these nasty and shameful little outbreaks of being a two year old.
Since I realised what they might be, I've become more systematic about trying to address the meltdowns - moving away from things that make me feel that way, telling myself what's going on (understanding it as a meltdown seems to help me forgive myself for it). But it's when I'm a) feeling ill for other reasons or am tired, and b) I am annoyed by a memory in my head, not something in front of me, that they're hardest/ impossible to resist.
would be interested in hearing what other people do about meltdowns.