Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

Beyond, the thing about MN is that there are so many people on here and some of them have issues. You could post anything (is it gross to change my sheets this often, is this meal unhealthy etc) and you will get several different posters who have chips on their shoulder about that topic and have to prove the huge disparity between your standards and their own. So they not only criticise you but invoke the "I feel sorry for your kids" stance to demonstrate how much better a parent/person than average they are. Lack of self esteem or something like that.

Thanks for the book recommendation Laetitia, will add that to my ever growing pile!

Beyond, I've definitely realised recently that there is no "right" way to do this parenting thing. What works for one person doesn't work for others. People tend to feel REALLY strongly about parenting stuff but I really think that there are only three ways you can go wrong - abuse, indifference, and extreme spoiling - and everything else is, honestly, really not at all relevant. You do what works for you. I haven't seen your thread so not sure this is helpful, but I really have to fight my own conditioning on this because I'm the kind of person who loves to research and learn theory and get into the intricacies of right and wrong - as you can see from my angsting up thread! - But honestly, don't terrorise your kids, show them that you care, and don't give them every little thing that they want, and everything else is just garnish, really.

Will go and have a look at thread :)

:( someone has picked up on me using probable asd in one post and 'autistic' in a second and is saying "but you dont have autism, you just think you do". Bit of a trigger that one, given my recent trouble with people and (non asd related!) "hypochondria"

Oh god, Facebook pictures? Don't give it a second thought. Friend should have spoken to you directly. And it's perfectly fine in many people's views.

"If I did that with my older child..." etc - bollocks. Absolute bollocks that they could know that. SOME children might be bothered by it, but most definitely not all. DH and I put together a photo album of us as children from our parents' photo stashes to pass around at our wedding and I chose some bath photos. It's just not a big deal. Some people think it is, that's their hang up. You can argue facebook is different, but it's really no different to passing them around at a family party, which you may well do.

Christ, please don't think you've "been going massively wrong for years". I have several NT friends who post nude pictures. I don't, it's a line I don't cross, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it as such. Some people seem to think that photos posted "on social media" can magically go viral and end up all over the internet. They don't. If you posted it friends only then only your friends can see it.

Often it happens that a thread starts which could go one way or another, and the first couple of posts really set the tone for the thread. If you started an identical thread at another time, you might get some quite strong responses in the other direction. MN is nowhere near as balanced and sensible as it used to be - it has been especially hysterical this week. (Half term??)

Holy shit. How rude of them.

Advanced Search is broken, BTW.

Sorry, will go and respond on the actual thread :)

These people who are so sure they're right when it's clear that the world (at least outside MN) is far from a consensus on what parents should/shouldn't post online.

By which I mean I believe you have been treated unfairly Beyond.

Thank you gumble and bertie

Gah I messed up my last post. I meant to say that although there seems to be a consensus on the thread, that's not necessarily to say that it's "right". Some more sensible posts really did get drowned in the flood, and remember it's much easier for someone to post a shocked face and a scaremongering one-liner than a longer, in depth, patient post explaining why they disagree with others.

Of course, some anti-fb posters also took the time to write longer, in depth posts, which I think is fair. I don't mean to only criticise those who disagree with me! But don't look to judge by the quantity of replies, quality is important too. MN used to be better with quality but recently it's just getting so big that mindless/kneejerk posters are increasing in number and thoughtful posters are becoming fewer and farther between. They don't get a chance to see as many threads, they are often put off by the many mindless responses, and some have left.

And I will repeat - MN is especially odd this week.

Fuuuuucking hell, I have just read the thread. Here, have all of these . It got proper nasty, didn't it? And that 'you just think you have autism'.... just . As if it's easy to get a diagnosis. I don't think you used autism as an excuse at any point in that thread, just as an explanation of why you didn't understand.

And I agree with Bertie that the first few posts set the tone. If you get enough strong reactions against you in the first page then people that agree with you won't post, because they don't want to get flamed as well.

Yep, the pm's i had from people who thought i did nothing wrong attest to that!

Yes, I didn't want to post on the actual thread and keep it up in active but agree with what's been said above.

I've had a similar experience with 'table gate' in Aibu. I left days ago but it's still going, 500 posts now.

If NTs can't even agree on all these social dilemmas how the are asd people supposed to 'know' the rules?

And as happened on yours, when the tide of people jumping on to "have a laugh" (WTF, I reported that post) has died down then you get more reasonable counter-posts.

I think the answer is that there aren't rules, in this case. It's not a case of there being a rule, just people getting very het up over their personal opinions.

What on earth is controversial about a table, Athena? Dear me, I think some people just love the sound of their own keyboard...

:)

what? A table?

I've missed loads here haven't I?!

Hello, meglet. You've missed a fair bit, we've got a couple of new members.

I read Athena's table thread- it was the one about someone sitting with you in a cafe. It went the way of most AIBU threads.

Since this thread is almost full, can we come up with a cool name for the next one? A neurodiverse quiche? And are we happy staying in this forum or should we move to another one? SN Chat threads disappear after 90 days and Parenting with disabilities doesn't seem quite right since most of the time we're not talking about parenting (and there may be non-parents here too). So what does everyone think? Should we ask MN for a SN adults forum? Or just stay put?

Wow, I just read some of it too. Very glad I didn't post in Aibu!!

I think the anonymity of MN allows people to feel freer to be harsh and unkind. :(

I'm happy to stay here. I like 'neuro-diverse' as a quiche nickname. It covers all aspects.

My colleague got married on Saturday (the one where I was excluded from the hen do). I thought the hen do might have been an oversight. I didn't really expect to be invited to the wedding. I've since discovered that of our team of about 20, I'm the only one who wasn't working who wasn't invited. So I do feel like it was personal. Maybe I've done something to upset her without realising it? Regardless, I don't feel like part of the team. It's spurred me on even more to look for another job.

I know how you feel faith :( hopefully you'll find somewhere much more inclusive

Parenting with disabilities was only relatively recently changed and moved from the sn area, doesnt seem to have worked though. I was in the spoonie quiche that moved there from general health and its really died off. I wonder what mnhq would make of asking for it to be moved back here? But then theres no bit in the parenting area for disabilities and i didnt like that before. Hmm...

How about young adults? Theres no particular age limit there

I did take me ages to find you here after losing it off my tio, so i can see why you might want to move it.