Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

Just had a mini-meltdown at the dentist. I have PTSD from birth of my ds and the clinical nature of the room/equipment/uniforms set me off. Took me by surprise as I have had check ups since the birth which were not as difficult but I think as I am particularly stressed atm I reacted badly. Dentist was really understanding but I feel very down that this is not something I have beaten, that I will always have the potential to go to pieces. And it makes me very angry because my PTSD was caused by lack of midwives. I was induced and then left with no care.

Oh, mate :( that sounds tough. I had counselling for PTSD after DD2's birth and it's not something I think I'll ever get over. I wonder if it's an ASC thing. I've been thinking about it a lot and trying to figure out a way to get around it. Hypnotherapy maybe? If I find anything that works, I'll let you know. Could you ask for tranqs on your next visit?

Thanks Eau. Yes apparently people with strong visual memories, as lots of ASC folks have, are more prone to PTSD and I think because we have a higher level of anxiety anyway, it is easier for us to get overloaded. I had counselling too and it lessened everything to a massive degree but I obviously haven't gotten over it fully. I don't have to go back for a year though so will just park it in the 'Things to Worry about Later' pile!

I've needed a filling for years. I've tried 4 dentists. Not been able to go through with treatment with any of them.

I can't be in clinical environments without having a panic attack. This is why I'm seeing a trainee psychologist but she isn't 'seeing' the asd. I'm going in with a list of my traits next time. I won't make it past my 60s if I can't have any medical tests/treatments.

Could you ask your GP or your dentist to refer you to your local NHS special care dental service? They can sometimes do procedures with sedation.

I hate the way we have to make others 'see' it in us, that our feelings and lightbulb moments aren't enough. If you have spent your entire life trying to be normal, how can you be yourself?

Luckily mine was just a check up. I was thinking about some tips I read to help dc's nail cutting and I think it might have helped me if I needed to get work done. I would like to know how much longer it will take (eg about half way now, one more minute etc), plus have permission to call a halt and take a breather at any point. Knowing I could stop it would make me feel more in control. Can you afford private? Perhaps there is somewhere that has less clinical looking rooms? Meditation helps me a bit too when I am losing my shit.

Has anyone else started diagnosing others in their head? John Cleese was on the radio talking about being an introvert and needing lots of recovery time after socialising and I thought "oh yeah..."

The last place I went to was offering me sedation. I'm eligible for it on NHS so that's not a problem.

Just being in a medical room with people in uniforms then lying down that alone sets me off. A sedation needle would be hell. I need to be sedated to get sedation! I'm so medical phobic, that's why I've been referred to clinical psychology. I'm pregnant too.

Completely get how you feel about dentists.
I had a filling last year, I'm supposed to have had another one but can't make myself go back.
I needed double the amount of local anaesthetic and was still panicking. They won't sedate. I'd really like to be knocked out completely!
They then said the anaesthetic would take an hour or so to wear off, then when it took hours, I started to panic that it had set of a stroke or something.

I'm always armchair diagnosing people, there are a lot of "spectrumy" people in my family.
I'm definitely an introvert and wonder whether instead of ASD I'm just an extreme introvert, although that doesn't explain the sensory stuff does it?
I don't have meltdowns in the sense that I understand them, which makes me wonder if it isn't ASD, although all the online tests score me as ASD.

Athena, I hope the psychologist can help you. Can you go down a home birth route (if possible) so your surroundings are familiar?

Eau, I've just rung the lady you recommended. I was so focused on saying "hello, is that [female name]?" that even when a man answered I still said the same thing, even though it clearly wasn't .

Sorry to post again, but have had the weirdest small-world event.
I've spoken to the lady, way down South from me, asked about an appointment via Skype, and it turns out she has an outreach appointment in North Yorkshire, which is a huge county, but the village she does his is the village my parents live in! It's a small, random village with nothing special about it, but she will be there this Monday :o

LeChein

The consultant actually recommended a HB for me. She said she 'didn't think a hospital was a suitable place for me to attempt to give birth in'.

My bp went stratospheric just going there for an appointment so it's obvious my medical anxiety manifests physically in that environment and that would really mess with the birth process.

I'm vv low risk so just got fingers crossed.

Athena, have you thought about hiring a doula for the birth? You could go through all your extra needs beforehand so she is prepared to support you. I had a homebirth with DD2 and it was way more relaxing being in a familiar, safe environment. My MWs were shit, but that's due to them, not the environment.

LeChien, oh wow, so are you seeing her on Monday? Good luck, I hope it goes well. I am shit on the phone too I had to phone my hairdresser the other day and instead of asking for her, I just said 'oh hello, it's Eau', as if I was phoning my mum or something. Luckily my actual hairdresser answered the phone and knew who I was, otherwise it would have been totally embarrassing. Phones are horrible!

Hello all,

Good luck with all the medical things going on, sounds unpleasant. I hate teeth stuff - it's too weird.

Assessment friday and I feel quite sick!

Right, I am doing a new thread, just C&Ping all the links across.

New thread all done! Here it is.

No word from MNHQ yet about getting our own forum.

Noeuf, good luck for Friday! Keep us posted. I'm sure you'll be fine. I know people usually say 'just be yourself' but if you've grown up undiagnosed then that's easier said than done. I took a list of symptoms and traits to my assessment and I found it really helpful because I didn't forget anything then. It was 3 pages long and divided into categories

Hi, first post here and looks like the thread is about to run out so tiptoeing on. I've just been to the gp and she's referred me to the adult ASD team for possible assessment. It was all a bit surreal. I'd written lots of things down but I'm good at stepping up for bursts of interaction and, while she didn't seem to think I was crazy, I felt a bit crazy. I'm a champion of minimising and glossing over things. Anyway she referred me so will see how it goes. DD1 has recently been diagnosed, waiting for DD2's feedback and DS has just been referred to ed psych at school. I haven't plucked the idea from nowhere. How do you know the difference between thinking it all makes sense and relating too strongly too everything you read...are they the same? Argh, confused!!!

Maybe I should do that

Thanks Eau.

Good luck Noeuf. I'd be inclined to write and take notes but probably wouldn't end up looking at them!

Thanks EauRouge

onlyoneboot welcome and hope to see you on new thread. I gloss things over too. It's good you're getting assessed. Keep us updated on how it goes.

PolterGoose

Yip, it's 18 years now since I've had anything more than a dentist look at my teeth. At one appointment a couple of years ago I was bouncing on the chair just from her touching my teeth to count them. The look her and the assistant gave each other wasn't very reassuring.

Postnatal check? What's that another thing I've dodged.

I had a hb last time but it didn't go well. Even in my own environment I just don't want anyone touching me. On paper it was easy but I was still left very traumatised. I have met a couple of doulas but tbh I don't know if having another person there will help me. Ideally I'd like to be left completely alone (not even dp).

It's gone very quiet, is everyone ok?

I just came on to check too, it is quiet!

This thread is full so we've started a new one here, Faith :)