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Original poster

Does anyone fancy going a bit Stepford with me?

623 replies

BEAUTlFUL · 24/11/2008 22:32

I regret that title now! but will carry on regardless...

Basically, I have recently read a marriage book called "Fascinating Womanhood" by helen Andelin, written in the 1960's, and am starting to practise it in my marriage. It involves a lot of work, but good work, IYKWIM, accepting DH, admiring him, appreciating his efforts, listening to him, being a "domestic goddess", taking over childcare completely, settling him with a drink when he comes home, etc.

I'm LOVING it and actually weirdly feel a lot happier and more confident since I started it! I know it's not going to be popular with many of you, but is there anyone out there who fancies trying it out?

We could do it like a sort of bookclub, and follow the assignments every week. It promises to make your DH absolutely gaga in love again, v attentive, romantic, etc.

But more than that, it really teaches you acceptance, so if they're not being perfect, it really doesn't get to you as much. Or at all.

I know it'll get scoffed at, but I don't care really!

Anyone? It's hard work, but I'm convinced it's worth it as after just 3 weeks, DH and I feel so much closer, he is saying ILY all the time, we are laughing again, holding hands in bed, etc.

Even my mum has noticed. We went there for lunch and afterwards Mum rang up and said, "What's with you two? Your DH looks so happy and confident, and your body-language together was so 'united'!"

OP posts:
Lurkinaround · 25/11/2008 20:55

I think Burt Bacharach sums it all up nicely in this song, the silly old fart.

"Wives And Lovers"
(Burt Bacharach & Hal David)

Hey! Little Girl
Comb your hair, fix your makeup
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try anymore

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you...

Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again

For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here...

Hey! Little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city and
Dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Time to get ready
Time to get ready for love

Lurkinaround · 25/11/2008 20:56

I mean Hal David. Burt did the music. I bet he agreed with him though.

thumbwitch · 25/11/2008 22:09

I can't go back and read all the farting stuff, I haven't the energy, but I will add that this is THE BEST stuff ever for neutralising the stench odour - my DH has absolutely rancid farts and it even quashes them!
If you prefer a more floral variety, then this is the one for you - equally as effective.

snowleopard · 25/11/2008 22:13

OK so I asked DP what he'd think if I did this. After laughing long and hard at the very idea, he said he thought I might manage it for a few weeks, but once a month a special van would have to come and pick me up and take me to a padded room with lots of pictures of smug men. All the "captured wives" (I'd told him it was surrendered wives/fascinating womanhood but he misremembered it ) would be allowed to spend a week in the room screaming, swearing and violently clawing at the pictures of men for the duration of their PMT, then they'd be packed back off home. "Otherwise it wouldn't work" declared DP.

Peckarolloveragain · 25/11/2008 22:36

I actually quite fancy trying this!

Not really for the attention or adoration as I do get quite a lot of that and our relationship is good

But I'd like to take more pride in being a SAHM and maybe stop a bit of competitive tiredness

Quattrocento · 25/11/2008 22:37

Still here then? Tell me, in your stepford life, have you had a severe reduction in your active vocabulary? Because they did that to the Stepford Wives didn't they? Took away their brains and simplified their vocabularies. Tell me, can you still read? Or can you only read simple stuff?

anyfucker · 25/11/2008 22:41

aww quattro, stop baiting the loon

dsrplus8 · 25/11/2008 23:31

hello girls , is it vodka time again??? what have i missed?

Quattrocento · 25/11/2008 23:32

Yes it is. The loon's not come out yet. Prob been ordered to bed. Am very disappointed ...

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 25/11/2008 23:38

Let me check... Well, it seems I can still read simple, boring and unfunny stuff, as your message came through perfectly.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 25/11/2008 23:43
Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 25/11/2008 23:52

Would you like to borrow my Humour program? I think it's compatible with older hardware like yours.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 25/11/2008 23:55

Have you been feeding your cat with dogfood again?

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 25/11/2008 23:57
OP posts:
Quattrocento · 26/11/2008 00:04

No seriously though, I need to know. Have you gone the second mile today?

Astrophe · 26/11/2008 00:09

This thread is interesting. Mostly you see the same old threads rehashed again and again on MN.

I have a friend who is from South America. She is gorgeous, itelligent, studying law, confident and bubbly, married to a nice guy who works full time, with two small boys.

She totally accepts and expects to do the bulk of the domestic tasks - washing, keeping the household running and tidy etc, and can't realy understand why this is such a problem for Western women (ie me!) she sees it as an honour to be able to do such important things for her family and a source of pride to do these things well.

Her DH is lovely - certainly happy to help as well, and spends loads of time with the kids on the weekends. He treats her with so much respect and really admirers the work she does in the home - I think because she places so much importance on it herself.

She says she feels quite sorry for us westerners, who have been taught to be so dissatisfied with our womanhood. Her comment has really stayed with me.

dsrplus8 · 26/11/2008 00:13

hello beautiful,have you been let on to play??

dsrplus8 · 26/11/2008 00:17

domestic tasks and husband worship has got nothing to do with womanhood!!!!

Quattrobeautiful · 26/11/2008 00:26

Wow, this really works

I've learned "to completely manipulate" my DH.

I've given up my rather well-paid job and handed over all the money to him.

I've got all his attention - even more than I had before. He even talks to me now. My DH is HAPPILY helping round the house WITHOUT BEING ASKED. (he did this before but obviously i am consciously manipulating him into it now).

I too hated paying for stuff when we went out. I wanted him to want to pay. Now he's got all my money, he pays willingly.

UMHMM Just off for a session of celestial love now ...

Astrophe · 26/11/2008 00:36

No, she doesn't worship her DH. She does adore him, and he adores her - its lovely. It works for them, they are really happy.

I think it horribly patronising to suggest that someone is downtrodden or unbalanced just because their relationship works differently to your own, or because they make a choice you wouldn't.

I just think my mates perspective is really interesting - she actually feels she is at an advantage because she and her DH have clear roles, and they both take pride in them.

Obviously the roles of DH and DW don't have to be the 'traditional' ones, but I do think a couple that can settle contentedly into roles, rather than resenting their roles (whatever they may be), is at a real advantage.

Anyway, feminism was all about ensuring choice and equality for women, not making women feel that they MUST regject traditional roles even if they don't want to.

Do we all think BEAUTIFUL should feel guilty for attempting to make her marriage better? Shes making a choice - not the one many of us might make - but good luck to her I say.

Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/11/2008 00:37

lol

OP posts:
Original poster
BEAUTlFUL · 26/11/2008 00:48

Bloody hell, Q. You're going the second mile with this. Was it worthy of a name-change and a careful read of the entire thread, just to remake the same point you made yesterday?

I can't even be bothered to type your name out, and you've created an entirely new log-in based on mine! This is not an equal relationship. You're putting in more than you're getting back. But as long as you're OK with that...

OP posts:
ThePenguinProject · 26/11/2008 09:01

Read this out to DH who has promised to become a Stepford husband when he becomes a SAHD in January.

CatIsSleepy · 26/11/2008 09:59

Beautiful-i think maybe if you stroked QC's hair that would even things out a bit...

snowleopard · 26/11/2008 10:18

Let's just get one thing straight. Just because a woman chooses to do something, doesn't mean there's no sexism going on, doesn't mean she's not oppressed, doesn't mean feminism has met all its aims, does not mean all is fine and dandy. Women choose to become lapdancers or to go on Big Brother and get their tits out/whore themselves for attention and fame. Women choose to stay with men who beat them up, even to the point where they end up dead. In some societies, women choose to force their daughters and granddaughters to be circumcised because they are so concerned about what might be thought of them if they don't. Women choose to go through agony and face the risk of death on the operating table to have their bodies carved up and sliced apart in order to make their breasts/stomachs/noses slightly more normal and acceptable in society's terms.

What we need to think about is why women make the choices they do and where the pressures that influence them come from. Often they come from deeply ingrained, society-wide beliefs about the value of women and what women need to do to get approval.