To want to ban these phrases (not light-hearted - this would be my first act as dictator)

[OptimismvsRealism]

"I'm reaching out" - no, you are contacting me by email

"it broke me" - no, it made you a bit sad

"Picky bits tea" - just no

Oh there’s no excuse for that.

A bolero shrug? Is it 2002?

<adds to list of flogging crimes>

I’m afraid, I send hope you are well email salutations. It’s a pleasant greeting not a searing exploration of one’s life
Don’t drag me away I have other redeeming features

Isn't that a fiddle?

In real life:
”Free gift”
”wine o’ clock”
”fur baby”
”passed” when someone has died
”Let’s do lunch/dinner/coffee”

On Mumsnet:
Phrases such as
“ducks in a row”
”are you on glue”
”chunk of money”
”did you mean to be so rude”
”birthed a human being”
”This” (after a quoted post.)

”Acronyms” such as
LTB
HTH
”D” put in front of the initial letter of husband, son, daughter, dog, mother, father, etc.

There are plenty more but I just can’t think of them at the moment.

What's "picky bits"? Never heard it

Probably gets more likes than "Hello you ugly shit heads"? But I'd let it go, unless they are then "reaching out" to "connect" and then misspell lose/loose or similar.

Please add, “I went to the shop for some bits”. Bits? Bits of what?

also - “hubby”, “fur babies” and “circle back”.

‘I was sat there’ NO. Just NO.
’Myself’ used to sound more educated but highlighting the inverse.
Crap corporate jargon:
Stakeholders. (People who want to drive out vampires?)
Delivering at pace (What pace? I propose we go at snail’s pace).
The use of ‘action’ as a verb.

this literally makes me want to vomit.

‘Likeliness’ - it’s likelihood

‘Fur baby’ - it’s puppy

‘Reset’ - it’s tidy up

I will circle back to this.
Strawman (document)
Picky bits

Fiddle is yer uncle playing at a wedding or someone being a bit uhh-ahh criminal
Diddle is definitely masturbation

I think they're trying to sound more intelligent.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect

Famalam - my ex bf used to refer to his family as his 'famalam' 🤢

I've also started to really cringe at the word 'wholesome' getting used loads recently. 'I had such a wholesome weekend.'

English is not my first language but apparently a lot of these words make me squirm!

Picky bits - a spread/ a buffet/ choose your own adventure board
Nibble - It’s eat, Susan. I’m not a rat!
Tea as in evening meal - dinner
Pudding - It’s dessert and pudding could be one of the options
Cheeky bite - Again just eat the damn thing and stop feeling guilty about it Susan
Oooh it’s naughty I mustn’t - For the last damn time just shove it down your mouth Susan!

I probably just don’t like the diet culture in general haha

"Mar mar" and the other stupid toddler speak names that grandparents call themselves.

Makes me want to punch them.

That is interesting thanks. I just get a bit irritated when people on Mumsnet claim that 'gotten' is wrong (because it's American) even though it's also used frequently on these very islands. Some people seem to forget that the rest of us exist.

"me thinks" 🤢

That's reminded me of my mother imitating Dan Maskell (Wimbledon commentator decades ago) who used to deliver florid descriptions such as, "That was a dream of a peach of a pass!" (His most famous catchphrase was "Oh, I say!" in response to an exciting rally or shot.)

I’m going to push back on that. Fuck off would suffice

Incessant inclusion of “like” and with some quasi American inflection when verbal.

Making memories. Keep them to yourself please. To the rest of us it’s just mundane wankery

”Is it something about” in work meetings in particular

“ I hear you” …. How about having sufficient emotional intelligence to just show your empathy / sympathy / understanding

baby Daddy is hideous

Random statement followed by ‘fact’ or ‘No?’

Most of the time because it’s actually not a fact or correct but a passive aggressive way to shut down conversations or assert dominance. Just makes me want to shout ‘oh fuck off!!’

Picky bits . Finger food. Things you pick at

I think the way we use the word “would” can be confusing for others sometimes too

Touch base - awful

Granular - to show scattered findings!!