Jewish Orthodox mum AMA

[jewishorthomum]

I'm a 29 yr old Jewish Orthodox religious mum of 2 little boys. Is there anything you'd like to ask about Orthodox Jewish life?
Kill my time whilst I'm waiting to be called in for an appointment.
(When I get called in for my app I'll have to run but will try respond later if there are questions.)

You're welcome

I've never been in this position personally, but I assume the shiva would follow the funeral.

There are lots of other rules around mourning, e.g. no music, cover all mirrors in the house, etc. I assume these would kick in immediately.

I found this article, although it is about autopsies rather than shiva specifically:

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/autopsies-and-jewish-law/

Much of religious dress is based of tradition and preserving our heritage. So the idea of the men wearing white shirts and dark suit trousers comes from a combination of tradition and the idea of dressing respectfully.

The "ringlets" are called payos. They are sourced from a commandment to keep a corner of a mans hair and not shave it off. Some men choose to do a clost shave and others are extra zealous and leave them really long.

Quite a few questions here if that's ok. Kostly about spirit/letter of the law.

As background, I'm Christian, and part of what I love about my faith is the freedom from regulations etc. I'm not very good at following rules without questioning them.

1. if someone believes in Judiasm, lives by all the rules, observances etc, then do you think God would be bothered about whether or not they'd passed an exam/assessment etc to officially become Jewish?

2. if Jewishness is passed on through the female line, what would happen if someone discovered, for example, that their grandmother technically wasn't Jewish? Does that mean her children, and grandchildren aren't Jewish either? If so, how many generations could this go back?

3. the wig thing still confuses me - to me it feels like only sticking within the letter rather than spirit of the law. If the wigs are worn to cover beauty, then making them realistic and attractive seems a bit odd to me, because you are still displaying your beauty.

4. about the wig thing again. Is there a rule against the wig looking like your own hair? If your wig is very similar, then you aren't really hiding anything.

5. things like putting up wires to artificially increase your house boundary etc, again to me feel like trying to find a way out of a rule.

6. given that walking is allowed in the Sabbath, but wheelchair pushing is not (except for round your 'home', the logical extension of that is that self propelling on a wheelchair may be allowed, but electric wheelchairs not? If that's right, why is something requiring more physical effort allowed, when the whole point is it's a day of rest?

Thank you

I have questions.

Is there one shop to buy clothes from; like a specialist or something? I grew up close to Stamford Hill and the women wear the exact same clothes, navy skirt, blouse, pinned hat, brogues.

is there a reason the small children are out so late, like prayer or something? Stamford Hill it is not uncommon to see very small kids being walked around past 11pm and it looks like the whole family is going somewhere?

How do you light your home on the Shabbos if electric lights are not permitted? Are candles allowed? What about a torch?

If you had an emergency on the Shabbos (heart attack/burglary etc) what would you do if not allowed to ring 999 on a phone? Are there special exemptions? @CC4712

So lights can be left on before Shabbos (Saturday). We can benefit from electricity but cannot change the state of it. So if the light in the bathroom is on at Friday sundown it will remain off until Saturday night. If someone mistakenly switches it off then it will stay off until Saturday night. Same with a candle, we light candles before Shabbos begins and it has to blow itself out. We cannot light fires on Shabbos.

Any threat to life absolutely over rides the Shabbos guidelines.

Some years ago I began studies to convert to Judaism. The sheet with the hole in was mentioned in books I read at the time, but in regard to Ultra Orthodox Jews.

In replying to this post I may have missed if anyone has asked if you cover your surfaces with foil for Passover or is that no longer done? And the giving away of food and buying it back after Passover?

I lived in a Jewish area where most inhabitants were Orthodox with a smaller population of Ultra Orthodox, and am now in a less religious area so see a lot less of the traditions but used to enjoy seeing the dressing up for Purim, does this happen in your area?

Your mum can totally reach out to a Jewish wig dealer. I would recommend her going with a modern orthodox seller because they sell the most natural wigs.

Even natural wigs count as hair covering because physiologically it reminds the wearer that she is married and unavailable.

@Babyboomtastic

1. They wouldn't be Jewish. It's about reality not how you identify or feel.

1. Potentially all the way back.

3, 4 & 5. Good questions, but would require longer and more nuanced answers than I can right now.

1. The definitions of 'work' are precisely codified. Walking 10 miles in town isn't work, carrying boxes up and down the stairs in your own house isn't, but carrying out a pin from your home to the street is considered work.

Do you cook cholent in a slow cooker for Sabbath?

@hippospot yes. I don't want to say their reasons, as they are personal to them, in case someone has figured out who I am (small communities, not always a perk). It has not changed our very close friendship.

Yup

Fascinating thread, thank you.
Did you follow the covid lockdown restrictions? I read that there was a high mortality rate in Stamford Hill because weddings and gatherings etc were still going ahead and the rules being frequently ignored. Is this true?

You mean were we stricter than Boris Johnson and the rest at no. 10?

@MonumentalLentil yes, but I went off it in pregnancies (strong smell) and DH started to make it, and it is now his job.

I am a convert and i never passed an exam to become Jewish.

I think the idea of formal conversion is because becoming a Jew is a big life decision. It would impact the rest of your life, if you take into account anti-Semitism and esp if you are an orthodox jewish convert, it would influence who you can marry, your jobs (far more limited if you have to keep shabbat) etc. So the rabbis will guide you and educate you. As a convert, you are also a reflection of the wider jewish community so i guess there must be some sort of vetting.

Judaism is a communal religion so it is important to me if the people i value perceive me as Jewish. I am lucky that my orthodox friends and relatives are quite open minded so they recognize me as Jewish. It might not be their denomination but they recognize it as another denomination.

But they wouldn't have recognized me as Jewish if I didn't take on any kind of conversion.

Just as a matter of clarification, weddings weren't about parties but about moving forward in life. Jewish couples don't cohabit or even touch before marriage, so to live in limbo for 18 months was unreasonable.

There were no wedding for the first 3 months of lockdown, and schools and synagogues were also closed.

Yum - sweeten your carrots? (not yum?)
Will stop with the food now, I enjoyed making lokshen pudding.

Someone believes in Judiasm, lives by all the rules, observances etc, then do you think God would be bothered about whether or not they'd passed an exam/assessment etc to officially become Jewish?

No, one is born a Jew, so if your mother isn't Jewish, then you're not Jewish. Religious observance has no bearing. I know some Jews who don't consider those whom have converted to be Jewish, even though they (those whom have converted that is) tend to be incredibly observant and religious.

If Jewishness is passed on through the female line, what would happen if someone discovered, for example, that their grandmother technically wasn't Jewish? Does that mean her children, and grandchildren aren't Jewish either? If so, how many generations could this go back?

What do you mean someone isn't technically Jewish? If your mother isn't Jewish, you're not Jewish. So if my mother's grandmother wasn't Jewish, then she wouldn't be Jewish, nor would I or my children. However, if my father's mother wasn't Jewish, then it doesn't matter so much.

Thank you for your response. It sounds like if I was in that situation again I would probably be best seeing if i could swap seats with a man before the flight takes off. Although I'd hate for him to think it was because I had a problem with him being Jewish rather than trying to be respectful!

Stamford hill has a large chassidish community. They are the most insular and particular with their religious practices. One of the fundamentals of the ultra chassidish is the preservation of tradition hence they wear very conservative clothing. There are multiple shops selling these clothings. Some are home businesses and there some on the streets within the area. I don't live in Stamford Hill so I couldn't tell you where.

General orthodox religious Jews don't dress as conservatively. We wear florals, colour, patterns whilst still dressing modest ie. not provocative or flashy clothing, and covering torso until the neckline, upperarms, and upper legs.

but how is this reminding other men that the wig wearing woman is ‘taken’? If they can’t tell the difference

sorry if this wasn't clear. there is no exam. You have to go before the rabbinic court but they generally just want to check that your intentions are pure and that you understand what you are getting yourself into!

Its quite funny, my MIL converted orthodox and she said one of the rabbis in her 'interview' said 'if you converted, you wouldn't be able to ride on a bus on shabbat'. And she said,' why would i want to go on a bus on shabbat'. and he said' oh well, to go to places?'

They just asked me lots of questions about why i wanted to convert and my journey to Judaism in my interview.

@rejectedprincess yes. we were part of a shul with a very high proportion of elderly members and they were extremely cautious (understandably). It was very hard because everything revolves around community, and we did an entire year straight where we did not eat out or have guests on Shabbos or Yom Tov (festivals). I cannot begin to explain how intense/challenging/crazy that was.

My question about Jews is does anyone understand why they have ALWAYS been and are persecuted?

Opposite sex Siblings can't hug each other once they're teens?! Ultra orthodox sounds very similar to ultra Muslim tbh... Head coverings, dietary restrictions, fasting, opposite sex regulations. Do Jews feel Muslims to be closer to them in spirit than say Christians? (seeing last the conflicts)