Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

How the other half lives, what and when you learned

999 replies

tomorrowalready · 23/07/2021 19:36

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

OP posts:
Philandbill · 24/07/2021 17:20

@Shedbuilder he sounds such a gentleman.

korawick12345 · 24/07/2021 17:20

[quote Heartofglass12345]@korawick12345 haha no worries, I was the one who lived with someone whose dad bought her a house to live in while she was in uni Grin[/quote]
Ah makes sense! I was just saying why it may have made sense from your friends family point of view!

EntreMummy · 24/07/2021 17:22

I had what I always assumed growing up was a “very averagely middle class” upbringing, as I went to state comprehensive school and my family lived in a modest sized house in a large city.

But we went abroad for about 5-6 weeks every year, flew on a plane at least once per year, had countless private music lessons, parents paid for my university, rent and generous “subsistence fund” included, helped with house deposit, Etc.

My first “shock” experience that not everyone had a life like this, I must have been about 12/13 and was invited to a friend’s house after school for tea.

I was appalled to find that our dinner was actually two tiny jacket potatoes that we split between us, sprinkled with a bit of cheese. My friend’s youngest sibling also ate with us, but the middle sibling didn’t eat and neither did the parents. It was clear that this situation was not unusual in their house. There was literally no other food in the house.

I remember feeling really ashamed that they had given me their food out of grace and hospitality, while I knew that my mother would likely have more leftovers for me once I’d got home if I was still hungry.

I will never forget that experience, it was a real first eye opener for me of “ordinary poverty”.

Needless to say, the older I’ve got the more aware I’ve become of how privileged my life actually was growing up.

bananafish · 24/07/2021 17:26

@FlippantFair

(Sorry, in case you didn't see me earlier post, I'm cringing for the same reasons as you are, not cringing at your post!) *@bananafish*
no worries - all good Smile
cakeseeker · 24/07/2021 17:31

Had another one, and this one is bloody embarrassing actually.

In my mid 20s, finding out about clothes sizes. We had never had new clothes as kids and as an adult I'd kept shopping in charity shops, generally guessing at what would fit.

One day a nice colleague went shopping with me at lunchtime as I said I had no idea about new clothes. I was astounded by clothes and bra sizes, I'd just never ever thought about it.

Alcemeg · 24/07/2021 17:33

It was when I moved to London, after uni. Until then, apart from uni residences, I'd only lived at home, on a dual carriageway opposite a council estate. I had incredibly distorted notions that we were extremely comfortably off. Let's just say that one walk down Bond Street was a bit of an eye-opener 😮 and looking in estate agent windows!

PattyPan · 24/07/2021 17:37

You probably could get them @JudgeJ but they were not things that I had experienced either in my own home or those of friends/family. I didn’t know what pesto was either. It was exotic when my mum learnt to make fajitas!
Takeaways were just not a regular thing for us and even now my parents only tend to have takeaways if they don’t want to go out for a special occasion, and almost always from the same Indian restaurant they’ve been going to for about 30 years. The friend whose house I was at was one from brownies so I would probably have been about 8 at the time.

impossible · 24/07/2021 17:39

We have always had only just enough to manage and I've been surprised to find friends had 'socializing budgets' bigger than our food budget. I have also been surprised to realise how much people spend on foreign holidays.
We have grown up dcs but have never been flush so they didn't go on overseas school trips, had camping holidays rather than package holidays and ate picnics rather than had meals out. This didn't matter so much when they were small but did get a little wearying when they were teens.
Our lifestyle has been as a result of us being self employed low income and not PAYE. A plus I've noticed though is that we have more time than many of our friends so I'm not complaining, though I wouldn't mind swapping lives for a short while to get a taste..

impossible · 24/07/2021 17:43

I was also very surprised to find people buy new clothes and equipment for babies and now my dcs are at uni I'm astonished to hear about students whose parents' pay for their accommodation and sometimes even buy them somewhere to live.

I wonder if the wealth divide has got bigger for the younger generation - it certainly feels that way.

Bowednotbroken · 24/07/2021 17:43

Blossomtoes - I really wasn't referring to university, I absolutely agree that everyone should have the same opportunities there, including extra grants for those whose parent can't or won't support them! I was talking about PPs who said we shouldn't be helping with property.

Blossomtoes · 24/07/2021 17:44

@Bowednotbroken

Blossomtoes - I really wasn't referring to university, I absolutely agree that everyone should have the same opportunities there, including extra grants for those whose parent can't or won't support them! I was talking about PPs who said we shouldn't be helping with property.
Sorry, I misunderstood. I agree with you.
drainrat · 24/07/2021 17:50

When I went to university I was shocked to meet many girls who had a ‘dress allowance’. It was to pay for hair and beauty treatments and clothes. My mother and my school always stamped out any suggestions of vanity and it was wondrous to me that intelligent young women should also be supported to be chic.

transformandriseup · 24/07/2021 17:54

When I was 20 and just started working full time and there I was on a work course about diversity. There was a discussion about average income and it was then I realised that minimum wage (or maybe slightly above) wasn't the average income in the UK. Quite a few others my age were shocked too.

Arsebucket · 24/07/2021 17:55

@impossible

We have always had only just enough to manage and I've been surprised to find friends had 'socializing budgets' bigger than our food budget. I have also been surprised to realise how much people spend on foreign holidays. We have grown up dcs but have never been flush so they didn't go on overseas school trips, had camping holidays rather than package holidays and ate picnics rather than had meals out. This didn't matter so much when they were small but did get a little wearying when they were teens. Our lifestyle has been as a result of us being self employed low income and not PAYE. A plus I've noticed though is that we have more time than many of our friends so I'm not complaining, though I wouldn't mind swapping lives for a short while to get a taste..
Same with us, always just enough to get by.

I met a group of lovely women where I used to live, but I just couldn’t keep up with them.

They thought nothing of seeing there were some tickets left for a concert at wembley that week and on the group text going, “omg, let’s go!” and they could all just drop a hundred quid there and then.

I can’t do an impromptu “let’s have coffee” or “fancy a an evening at the pub tonight” either. Every penny is accounted for. No matter how many times I explained that no, I couldn’t just have a quick lunch out for £15 as that was a quarter of our weekly shopping budget, they just didn’t get it.

daisypond · 24/07/2021 17:56

My DH and I are from very different backgrounds, despite growing up within five miles of each other. For him, things like garlic, spaghetti (not in hoops in a tin), olive oil (not for your ears), orange juice (not squash) were normal things in a’70s childhood. They definitely didn’t exist for me until well after I’d left university. I still think he’s extravagant with food to this day.

Bowednotbroken · 24/07/2021 17:56

Thank you Blossomtoes!

Marmitemarinaded · 24/07/2021 17:57

@drainrat

When I went to university I was shocked to meet many girls who had a ‘dress allowance’. It was to pay for hair and beauty treatments and clothes. My mother and my school always stamped out any suggestions of vanity and it was wondrous to me that intelligent young women should also be supported to be chic.
Enjoying buying clothes and having beauty treatments is not something to be “stamped out” in my opinion.

I went to university and had an allowance. A generous one. If I’d wanted to spend it on clothes and beauty treatments - my parents wouldn’t have judged (as long as I covered food and essentials etc!) or if I wanted to spend it on museum entrance fees - also no judgement.

And that’s how I’m bringing up my children

whatthejiggeries · 24/07/2021 18:03

I'm one of those who believes in the two child cap and the bedroom tax and I am not left wing but I categorically believe that grants should be available for university education to allow greater social mobility. I think it's appalling that kids have to pay for tuition too. This should be paid for by the state. I'm not sure I would have gone to Uni if that hadn't been available

inmyslippers · 24/07/2021 18:06

I went out with friends for a pub lunch. Growing up we didn't always have food never mind eating out. I didn't understand that in a pub you order food at the bar. I assumed we would have a waitress like in a restaurant

Hen2018 · 24/07/2021 18:09

“Had another one, and this one is bloody embarrassing actually.

In my mid 20s, finding out about clothes sizes. We had never had new clothes as kids and as an adult I'd kept shopping in charity shops, generally guessing at what would fit.

One day a nice colleague went shopping with me at lunchtime as I said I had no idea about new clothes. I was astounded by clothes and bra sizes, I'd just never ever thought about it.”

Oh, I’d forgotten this one!

I was never bought any clothes so I didn’t know about clothes sizes or where to shop until I left university.

I literally had about 1-2 changes of clothing at any one time. I never went shopping to choose them. I had school uniform bought for me aged 11, and was wearing the same set aged 16, massively worn out and undersized.

I don’t really understand shopping now as a leisure activity and only buy clothes from charity shops and supermarkets. My wedding dress was hired.

TellySavalashairbrush · 24/07/2021 18:12

When I was 13 and went on a shopping trip with a friend. She had been given £20 in cash to buy whatever she wanted (this was 1986) I was given £2.50 to spend. I started working in a cafe at 14 just so I could buy school shoes that were in fashion instead of the ones my mum bought me from the coop (they had clothes back then) which she could pay off weekly.

Shedbuilder · 24/07/2021 18:16

[quote Philandbill]@Shedbuilder he sounds such a gentleman.[/quote]
He was, wasn't he? I wonder what it would be like to grow up with that sort of life and that sort of dad.

Arsebucket · 24/07/2021 18:24

@Hen2018

I only ever had my school uniform and a couple of t shirts and jogging bottoms.

When I was 14, I scrapped together £3.50 and I thought it would be enough to buy something to wear as I was fed up of skiving non uniform days as I had no clothes 🤦🏽‍♀️ I had never been taken shopping for. clothes so I had no idea.

GnomeDePlume · 24/07/2021 18:29

I remember being quite surprised (pleasantly) by how spontaneous and fun DPiL were. My own parents were never spontaneous (or fun for that matter). Holiday trips out generally had to be museums, planned long in advance. The museums were normally quite dull and frequently military related.

Some years ago on a whim we took the DCs to see the Midland Air Museum (everything else was shut). I had a sudden flashback to my childhood trailing round after DF and DBs all intently studying aircraft/tanks/guns and talking about rivets.

Hardbackwriter · 24/07/2021 18:42

I was also very surprised to find people buy new clothes and equipment for babies

Do you mean rather than buying second-hand? Obviously somebody has to buy new for there to be second-hand ones!

Swipe left for the next trending thread