What's the most wanky thing you have ever done?!

[lardylegs123]

I cringe when I think of this. First year of university, and I was studying Languages. I'm from a working class, Scottish family and was the first ever to go to university. Mother's Day comes and I thought it would be a nice idea to write out the card entirely in the languages I've been studying I thought mum would be so impressed, but she just looked at me and said 'but Lardylegs, I cannae understand a word'.
I think I was too busy being a pretentious dick, that I'd forgotten about this mere detail

On holiday with friends when my twins were a few months old .... made everyone wait to go out whilst they had a nap and kept hushing everyone

A lecturer at uni had an American accent.

She went on holiday for 2 weeks and came back with the accent and kept up with it. Silly woman.

I was once on a hospital 'ward', well it was a discharge place but I'd gone in as an emergency and I'd been moved about a bit and by now it was 3am.

There were curtains pulled but I could hear an older lady asking when she was going home. Her daughter kept telling her that John was coming in the AUUUUUDI.

The poor older woman was a bit, "is he bringing the car?"

"Yes Mum, he's on his way, he has to collect the AUUUUDI."

This went on for about half an hour until they took me elsewhere. If it hadn't been for the poor older woman sounding really tired I'd probably have said something.

Anyone who uses the word reader in a post is a certified wanker

@MissMissTorrance

Whilst at University I decided I needed to stop talking with my regional accent. Instead I put on this weird posh voice. When I went home to visit my parents I kept up this facade. Pretty sure they thought I'd lost the plot. Not sure how long I kept this up but I didn't make any friends at Uni so nobody commented when I started talking normally again. In hindsight I think my peculiar fake voice was the reason I had no pals.

During this phase there were also certain normal shops I wouldn't go in ( Boots, Superdrug, supermarkets such as Tesco). I spent my student loan in M&S on food and designer make-up and toiletries in John Lewis. God I was a wanker.

When I was 13 I fancied the bloke in the newsagents who was probably mid-twenties.
I made myself one of those fly hats with cut-up corks hanging off bits of string, and went up there wearing it thinking he'd assume I was Australian and exotic and fall madly in love.

He couldn't stop laughing.

Another accent one, my SiL. Who went from small town Northern Ireland to England on a Wednesday morning and rang back early on wed afternoon to let us know she arrived safely with a full on English accent which was very obviously put on and still continues to this day, so basically she might have spoken to an English person on the flight over, got on a bus to her destination and it stopped across the road from where she was staying, crossed the road and checked in and got to her room, she didn't talk to anyone except for when checking in = full blown accent change except when in a temper (very often) and she reverts back to her normal. She puts a sort of American twang on top of this and throws random french words into her speech (cos she did french at school). She is a gift that keeps on giving

In senior school, Yr 10 (as it is now, back then we were still in Yr 4...), reading 'The Lord of The Flies' aloud in English - that horrible thing where teachers make everyone in the class read "just a page or more...". I pronounced the name "Maurice" as "Mor-rhys" rather than "Morris". Much to the amusement of everyone else when our (usually quite nice) teacher rapped her chalk on the desk and corrected me rather snootily. That was over 30 years ago and I still cringe - but also feel quite cross. My argument is that given the era in which Golding was writing, and the social class of the boys marooned on the island... the name probably was meant to be "Mor-rhys", rather than bog-standard ol' "Morris"...

Then again, I'm also an Army Brat and somewhat prone to absorbing accents without realising I'm doing it. And given that I tend to speak without an accent, only to lapse into broad Welsh when tired or cross (most of my family is Welsh, both parents being born in/around there, although I was born in the Home Counties), my parents have a vague notion that I subconsciously mask my "real" accent and it only comes out when I'm trying to stay awake/not shout. It is possible. My mother also deliberately lost her accent due to being an Army Wife and having to attend lots of Mess dinners and the like - but gets to a certain part of the journey back to where she grew up... and her birth accent reappears.

@jsp5642

I did the reverse accent transition in primary school as I moved from an English private school to a Scottish state school. I remember saying "Aye" in a strange plastic accent for several weeks at the start. I must have sounded very strange. By the time I made it to University (still in scotland) my accent was so thick that even the natives couldn't understand me.

Me too. Only it was age 12 to a school just outside Liverpool. Although I've reverted, to RP I occasionally slip into Scouse!

The wankiest thing I ever did (and there were many) was to affect writing 'seven' with a french slash. It stuck and I now can't write them the normal English way.

Currently eating home made pizza. One half topped with goats cheese and caramelised onion. The other half with pesto and feta.

100% delicious but also 100% wanky!

[quote chesirecat99]**@troobleflooble* - I think you mean effect change. (Pedantic but true.)*

Not necessarily, @Musmerian. One can both affect change and effect change, it depends whether troobleflooble meant influence changes already made or create new changes.

I am prone to being pedantic and wanky myself! [/quote]
@Musmerian is correct; “to effect change” is by far the most popular use of the phrase. In fact I would find it really hard to think of a sentence which uses the phrase “affect change.”

Made me think of james Corden with his posh voice on the late late show. I can't watch it makes me cringe.

My friend and I both went to do teacher training at 18. I went to Liverpool (and am something of an 'accent sponge'. My friend went to Eastbourne. My mother was so disappointed!!

Years ago, we converted our integral garage (in a very ordinary house) to make an extra room downstairs. DH always jokingly referred to it as the East Wing, and it caught on with the rest of the family.

I realised how wanky I sound when I pick up something in a shop, and casually say, “this will look good in the East Wing”. I’ve had a few looks from staff.

My DD ordered something for me from Amazon, and didn’t like having use “Mrs” as a title, so signed me up as “Lady”. That’s always fun when I have to go to the Post Office to collect something.

Hmm, we really are a pretentious, wanky family, aren’t we.

The change of accents thing.

My accent changes without me realising when I'm around people who speak a different accent.

I remember whenever I went on holiday as a child I'd end up speaking in say a Manchester accent.

I have a generic southern accent but in the past was often asked if I came from the west county as my accent had a hybrid twang which sounded the most like that and I'd never even been to the West Country.

I did however train myself to lose my strong south London accent picked up at Secondary School and to make my voice quieter and calmer after hearing someone speak like that and thinking how composed and lovely they sounded.

Lol when I was 8 I'd moved back to the UK after being abroad for a couple of years.

I had the poshest voice apparently and within a week I was talking in the local dialect and that was not because I'd tried to change it on purpose it just evolved quickly.

Not read the whole thread yet but like the way that this one appears next to one about Matt Hancock!

I was 22. I had just finished work at closing time, and we were all leaving the building. There was this guy who I had been flirting with at work, and he was stood with some other guys talking.

I wanted to give him a hug goodbye or something, but instead I froze, didn’t even look at him, touched his chest and walked off.

I fucking cringe when I think about it.

I had to look it up as it was doing my head in and I was correct @Tippexy 😂

Affect means to influence or impact so that was the correct meaning for the context I was using it.

Still a very wanky phrase!

I was once asked what my then five year old had done at school that day. The honest answer was her lessons had been Greek, Swimming and Tennis.

DS - Tudor dancing

No, me either.

I taught my daughter to ride on a friend's polo ponies.... its by far and away the wankiest thing anyone in my entire family has ever done. MY DP is a completely down-to-earth Essex boy, and he thinks its hilarious.

@Cheeeesecake

As a new cat owner, totally smitten, never had a cat before, went to register her at the vets. The questions were all: name, age, etc. Then they got to colour and I said champagne. There was a long pause then they said they didn’t have champagne in the drop down menu. I was trying to think of how else to describe her. Yellow seemed totally offensive & not at all representative of the depth of colour in her glimmering coat. Eventually they offered “gold” which I agreed on. Only after hanging up the phone did I think “god I’m a dick”.

This is HILARIOUS!

Oh yeah all of my kid’s names.
But the registrar talked dh out of the 4th middle name of Ornette for dd by saying there wasn’t enough room. (Yes we were aware it’s a male name) so thank you registrar.

DH friend and partner took their tiny baby on an easyJet flight Glasgow go Nice and back with no overnight stay to ‘get him used to flying’. Said baby is 17 now and aside from the odd overseas holiday, the family don’t fly.

[quote chesirecat99]**@troobleflooble* - I think you mean effect change. (Pedantic but true.)*

Not necessarily, @Musmerian. One can both affect change and effect change, it depends whether troobleflooble meant influence changes already made or create new changes.

I am prone to being pedantic and wanky myself! [/quote]
99.9% of the time, "in effect" will be the correct form

"The wankiest thing I ever did (and there were many) was to affect writing 'seven' with a french slash. It stuck and I now can't write them the normal English way."

I don't think that's wanky, but only because I worked in a hospital lab before it was computerised and we had to ensure our numbers were very clearly written. Putting the slash on the 7 very clearly delineated it from being a 1, especially if they also put the flick at the top of the 1.