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Original poster

to think it's really cheeky to invite someone to a BBQ then expect them to bring...

533 replies

dotdashdashdash · 11/04/2021 16:35

...The BBQ!?

We were invited last week to a friends today for a BBQ. They called this morning asking to borrow our BBQ, we assumed there's had broken or the one they ordered hadn't arrived etc - but no. They don't have one. So we suggested they come to ours and bring some of the stuff they'd bought as our BBQ is very heavy and large (won't fit in the car without removing the child seats and lying all seats flat) but it turns out, that not only did they want us to bring our BBQ, they wanted us to leave it at theirs as they are having other friends this evening.

Was IBU to say no? That I didn't want to take our large BBQ and gas bottle to their house and leave it with them?

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 12/04/2021 18:34

@Howshouldibehave

insist that only public transport must be used to attend

I have never had a host suggest this! Why would they? Why would anyone really care how you got to/from their house?

I would assume it's because there's nowhere to park more than a couple of cars
Howshouldibehave · 12/04/2021 18:39

@purplebunny2012

Well, the reason the PP gave for guests being told to get public transport was posted upthread-I’ll cut and paste-:

Ostensibly, it's a carbon footprint concern that is always included

TheJade · 12/04/2021 18:45

That’s hilarious! Definitely a cheeky fucker scenario! I have some long standing friends who I wouldn’t be offended about this over. However they are exceptionally close. It is pretty out of order 🤣🤣🤣

Myfriendsays · 12/04/2021 18:45

I would go. When I got there I would say sorry but the BBQ wouldnt fit in the car. I would then present them with a disposable BBQ and say will this do.

Wauden · 12/04/2021 18:46

Did they expect you to clean the bbq afterwards? Grin

purplebunny2012 · 12/04/2021 18:51

@Pr1mr0se

You are not being unreasonable however this is perfectly acceptable in South Africa, the host hosts (provides the location, the bbq, drinks, salads) and the guests bring their own food. The host will even ask close friends to bring pudding. It's not unusual to assume guests will bring their own drinks "bring what you want to drink" and the host just provides the plastic glass!
That's not the same at all! The host doesn't have a BBQ. I've been to BBQs where the guests have all brought the meat, and that's not a problem. But this is beyond!
ClareBlue · 12/04/2021 19:00

I find it all a bit sad. Most people are generous and will go out of their way to help and support others but then there is a significant cohort of people who take advantage, can not see past their own needs, have a mean and jelous streak and see pissing over people as some kind of achievement in life. Then there are others who just have absolutely no awareness of the impact of their actions on others. They see sensitive and generous people as weak.

Well fuck them, I for one like sensitive and kind people around me and they can all go and have a party together. There will be no food at it anyway because they will of all expected the others to bring it.

GlendaPickle · 12/04/2021 19:00

I think your being selfish. It is not going to cost you anything.

Offer to wheel it around.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 19:04

@Wauden

Did they expect you to clean the bbq afterwards? Grin
Oh, you know they'd leave it minging, ring the OP and order her to come and collect it ASAP. Pisstakers.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 19:07

@GlendaPickle

I think your being selfish. It is not going to cost you anything.

Offer to wheel it around.

Would have cost her petrol, time, gas to fuel it, and with people like this, they'll be the first to trash it or leave it a mess and shrug. My BBQ costs over £500. My smoker another £350. The fuck I'd had deliver them to someone to use as and when they please (after they told me to bring it and fuck off) as it would cost me a lot and possibly the entire item if damaged (which I then couldn't claim on my insurance).
Talia99 · 12/04/2021 19:10

@GlendaPickle

I think your being selfish. It is not going to cost you anything.

Offer to wheel it around.

Except the cost of two extra journeys in the car (since the BBQ can’t be transported at the same time as the children and it would have to be collected) plus the cost of the gas for two separate BBQs (one of which the OP isn’t invited to).

It would be cheaper to buy a disposable BBQ but of course, the friends wouldn’t be able to transfer the cost of that to the OP.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 12/04/2021 19:12

What a cheek! And they had the neck to refuse the old one!!!!
Bin them.

LeonoraFlorence · 12/04/2021 19:13

We lent our BBQ to friends once when they had a party planned (we were going) but their BBQ wouldn’t switch on that day. It was no problem, DH took it over ahead of time (folded seats down in his car) and friends cleaned it and returned it to us the next day. They also have us (unnecessarily) a lovely bottle of wine and a voucher for a meal out as way of thanks.
Your scenario sounds different though!

mam0918 · 12/04/2021 19:17

@dotdashdashdash

Thing is, if they had asked when the BBQ was arranged we would probably have said yes and made an arrangement for them to collect or us to deliver. I was pissed off at the timing of the request and that they expected us to leave it.

It was made worse by us suggesting we bring our charcoal bbq (gas one is only 18 months old and we still have the old one) as we don't mind leaving it but that they needed to source some charcoal - they said no as it was too much hassle.

Before this I would have said we were good friends but their attitude when we said it wasn't really possible without real upheaval (we have 2 kids in rear-facing car seats) they became funny with us.

We ended up not going.

tell them begging cheeky fuckers cant be choosers... I would be pointing them in the direction of one of those £9.99 charcoal ones while also pointing out we where no longer attending.
Howshouldibehave · 12/04/2021 19:17

@GlendaPickle

I think your being selfish. It is not going to cost you anything.

Offer to wheel it around.

Right.

And you read the Op’s post where they said...

it's take kids seats out, put seats down , drive 25 - 30 mins, drive 25 minutes back, put seats back up, put kids seats back in, drive everyone 25 minutes and the do the 50 minute round trip to collect the BBQ tomorrow evening.

?

mam0918 · 12/04/2021 19:18

@GlendaPickle

I think your being selfish. It is not going to cost you anything.

Offer to wheel it around.

are you the CF the OP is complaining about?
MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/04/2021 19:24

We used to have a bbq every year for summer-born Dd2’s birthday. We’d have a party in the morning for all her little friends with a bouncy castle hired for the weekend, I’d do all the party food, prep, decorating etc. Then later on in the afternoon we’d have the rest of the family and close friends round for a bbq. We’d supply all the meat etc from our local village butcher, expensive but bloody good. Sometimes people would offer to bring a pudding or drinks. Never ever would I ask or expect. We used to have some brilliant bbqs!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 19:27

It would be the end of the friendship for me, though. I'd just let it drift away. They may chance their arm again, but once they get it through their thick skulls you won't be used they'll cut you loose if they haven't already.

Bertiebiscuit · 12/04/2021 19:30

And you are friends with these grifters because......??????

GlendaPickle · 12/04/2021 19:32

Yes I don’t see what the problem in lending a bbq. It will cleaned, Op is a drama queen.

I bet she has lent a Henry hoover or something similar before.

What friend posts on a forum.

Original poster
dotdashdashdash · 12/04/2021 19:34

@GlendaPickle

Yes I don’t see what the problem in lending a bbq. It will cleaned, Op is a drama queen.

I bet she has lent a Henry hoover or something similar before.

What friend posts on a forum.

Yes, I've lent them stuff before. Lots of it they still have. I must get it back actually.
OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 12/04/2021 19:37

Some posters definitely struggle with actually reading the thread hmm]

OP YANBU and I hope you get your other items back from the CFers

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 19:37

@GlendaPickle

Yes I don’t see what the problem in lending a bbq. It will cleaned, Op is a drama queen.

I bet she has lent a Henry hoover or something similar before.

What friend posts on a forum.

Your friend's found the thread, OP 😂😂

You don't understand? After she told you it would have cost her at least an extra hour of driving, the gas canister, they refused the offer of the charcoal one, and you think these pisstaking entitled arseholes would clean it 😂😂?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 19:39

Yes, I've lent them stuff before. Lots of it they still have. I must get it back actually.

Oh, do this! Well, if it's worth the drive over.

RLABC · 12/04/2021 19:50

GlendaPickle

Yes I don’t see what the problem in lending a bbq. It will cleaned, Op is a drama queen

I bet she has lent a Henry hoover or something similar before

What friend posts on a forum

Ah,so you're the CF "friend"! What did you do in the end, what with the lack of a barbecue? Wink