Whats the best quote you have heard from a parent in passing?

[Backtoreality1]

Had a lovely one yesterday....family were in their back garden but mum could be heard from the front in total exasperation saying ' xxxx, you are getting on my last nerve today'. Wasn't said with aggression just a clear voice with the tone of someone who was getting so tired. I wanted to go and give her a hug and I have never met her!

I never thought I'd have to repeatedly say "please use your toothbrush on your teeth, not your willy"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who tried to work out how anyone could clean their teeth with their own willy, before realising they were not doing that, rather cleaning their willy with the toothbrush! 😂

"do ye know what, I never felt a thing"..

When teen tripped and hurt their foot, great distraction.

Years ago in the park a lady was there with her children and she called over to one ‘Kelly’ and the child replied ‘wha’?
Mum then shouted ‘it’s not wha it’s what’😳
I honestly thought she was going to say ‘ it’s not wha it’s pardon ‘😂 made me chuckle

I once had to say “I can’t talk backwards now, I’m carrying a wet pigeon”

While carrying a wet pigeon I rescued from a canal.
My kids were asking me to say words backwards at the time.

This thread should be in classics

Actually said by me....in relation to something the cat triumphantly presented to us.

Me: I am sorry boys, its definitely dead.

Boys [Sobbing noisily]: Please mum! Please! Can we ring the vets? Please try and save it. There must be something you can do...... [big ploppy tears and snot bubbles]

Me: Look lads, its go no head, there is no coming back from this situation....

... I then went on to make things so much worse by deciding for some utterly stupid reason to explain death to them and how flowers die, animals die, even people die.... they cried all night because "Mum told us she was going to die"

When u sleep past 8am and your mum says in a sarcastic tone

"oh so you get up a bit every day then?"
Or alternatively in the same situation
"the dead have arisen!"

"If you were 30 or 40 I'd say ok, but you're not, you're 3 and a half."

My sister
I'm always in the shit, it's just the depth that varies
My friend
She had a face like a back alley moggy

I used to live in Devon in a popular area for crabbing and the wealthy. You drop a tiny net in the water with bacon in it and pull it up loads of crabs attached simple. One day whilst walking up the pontoon that was full of family’s crabbing I heard ... “ you are right Piers, the crabs do prefer the Waitrose maple smoked bacon”

Little girl to grandad, why do we have Christmas in winter why not in the summer.
Grandad to little girl, oh I dont know.
Me, Jesus christ!

Whats for tea mam?
Shit on a stick sweetie id reply.
Hes 27 now and i still say it if he calls for a feed.

“No darling, this is wine not Prosecco. Prosecco has bubbles” said to a kid who was about 2.5

Overheard in Tesco:

Small child sitting in trolley: "I really don't like shopping for tea mummy. Why can't we forage instead?"

One mine was a later talker and sometimes mixed up things like "I don't mind and I like"

I turned round and caught the side of her face with my bag.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean to hit you."
"It's all right mummy. I like it when you hit me."

It's a dictatorship not a democracy.

@Smiliechic

Years ago in the park a lady was there with her children and she called over to one ‘Kelly’ and the child replied ‘wha’? Mum then shouted ‘it’s not wha it’s what’😳 I honestly thought she was going to say ‘ it’s not wha it’s pardon ‘😂 made me chuckle

It’s very middle class to say pardon, working and upper classes say what. You would never find Princes Charles saying pardon. Neither way is right. It’s just different.

On a work video call, hearing a colleague turn off camera and say calmly “no, you don’t need to take all your clothes off to do a poo, just go to the toilet please”

On of mine muddles up 'it doesn't matter' and 'don't mind'.

Result? In public, often 'its OK mummy, I don't matter'!!

Nowhere near as funny but DH and I were in Central Park during some snow pre DC and one very exasperated dad pleaded with his DS to 'give me a break'. He looked like he was used to the nanny dealing with this type of thing and he was finding it stressful. Really tickled us and we still say 'give me a break' in a knowing way when a DC is being a PITA.

DS was 5 and the old gent across the road exited his car. He had the most bowed legs you have ever seen.

We exchanged pleasantries and I asked how he was, he said he was fine but needed some new legs. Cue DS shouting breezily 'perhaps you will be luckier next time and get some nice straight ones'. Mortified.

@vampirethriller

"Daniel, I am running out of Happy Voice."

Love it!

@CheltenhamLady brilliant!

We were on a pet shop once that had some animals in it, there was a make miniature horse, who got excited.

DS2 shouted at the top of his voice, mummy look at that horses Willy, it's even bigger than daddy's!

The whole shop fell about laughing 😂.

In a vets I used to work in, I once overheard a woman tell her daughter that the teats for feeding lambs were condoms for sheep.

@Ddot

Little girl to grandad, why do we have Christmas in winter why not in the summer. Grandad to little girl, oh I dont know. Me, Jesus christ!

It's a valid question - there's no evidence (even for believers) that Jesus was born on 25 December. Early Christians chose to celebrate the birth of Christ during the existing festival of Yule (near the Winter Solstice in this hemisphere) but they could just as easily have chosen the Summer Solstice.

"No Quentin, you're not Tigger. And anyway, Tigger boings on his tail, not his penis"