Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

Emma Willis was also a model in those SATs and who featured a lot in Mizz/J17. I think she was often photographed with Malcolm/Cassius. I was very jealous!

Sats = days

I used to get so excited when the new issues came out.

I used to like:
Shout
Mizz
Bliss
Cosmo Girl
Smash hits
J-17
Sneak

I love your story OP No doubt I read the same “advice”!

@SourWatermelonFizz oh it’s so cool that you worked there! And totally not surprised that Mizz lost its way a bit by not going with the times.

I KNEW the real life stories were written by people that worked on the magazine

It was always my dream to come up with stories for magazines!

Oh, the memories this threat has recovered 💖 I Ioved Sugar and Bliss - anyone remember the quizzes?!

Sneak! That was the other one!

I remember the quizzes!
They were like a flowchart thing and you answered various questions to get to your final answer at the bottom. Probably to see if you were pretty or not

@AlexaStop I couldn't remember what it was called yesterday! I LOVED Sneak. It was my favourite. Apparently it only ran for four years - I feel so lucky that it happened to be from when I was 13-18 and could enjoy it!

Sneak! That was the other one!

I used to love Sneak. Every Tuesday morning I used to pick it up on the way to school when I went for my usual pop/sweets/crisps

@SmidgenofaPigeon yes, it was a lot of fun! Well, by 2010 the true life stories were definitely all made up. I had to brainstorm a load of different titles and then they picked a handful and asked me to write them. I remember getting the magazines when I was a child though and some of the true life stories had little photos and bios attached, so they might have been real. As a rule of thumb though, if it says ‘names have been changed to protect identity/ as told to...journalist’s name’ then I think they’re made up.

Writing the cringes was great, too - a lot of ‘bog roll caught on my kitten heel! CRINGE!’ stuff. Such a joy to write but also SO hugely dated. I definitely fulfilled a childhood dream by writing for them though.

I don’t think there’s really a space for being able to write for children in the same way at all now - it’s a shame, because it was great!

Really loving this thread - the memories are making me smile so much!

I remember free ‘nail transfers’ with mizz back in c.1999. Loved those. Also a neon pink ‘handkerchief top’ made out of a piece of nylon. So great! Fab way to snare your top crush...

@minipilling

Also I was a regular reader of Shout magazine. I remember 'true life stories' about someone who had OCD and over hand-washing (her parents were smokers and she couldn't stand the smell on herself). Someone who helped out an old lady for a bit of pocket money and she confessed to stealing a pile of cash as well and buying clothes and makeup with it and feeling guilty afterwards!

A lot of ghost stories in Shout as well which I loved (they sometimes had free little sleepover books with sleepover tips and spooky stories!)

I remember the girl who stole from an old lady!!

I also remember a real life feature where 2 girls had fallen out as one was copying the other one, buying all the same clothes, and it came to a head when they turned up to a party dressed identically including jewellery Etc. They’d got both girls to write their side of the story, and had a photo of the 2 of them at the party dressed the same scowling at each other. I always wondered how they’d got both girls to write in if they were no longer talking, and how odd it was that the girls had posed like that. I now realise, of course, the photo was models, and most likely the story was entirely made up too 🤦‍♀️

Really enjoying reading this thread. I used to love reading the problem pages.

I have rummaged around in my spare room and found my copy of Catch! Sadly I don’t have any of my other ‘90s magazines.

It’s from May 1994. I’d have been 15. I think I kept it as it has a feature on “men in uniform” and features two actors from The Bill who I liked. For a magazine which features a lot of older teenagers and young adults, there’s no mention of sex. It’s published by DC Thomson who I think are/were quite a conservative company.

The articles include: “My boyfriend’s in prison”; a feature about whether you should live together before marriage (seems dated for the mid ‘90s); “What your undies reveal” – a feature all about what your underwear says about you; an article about jealous boyfriends and one about a girl whose friend tried to kill herself. Cheerful stuff. That one also includes the method she attempted which wouldn’t be allowed now.

There are also a couple of makeover features (one where the two women are insurance clerks), some very odd fashion (lots of expensive leggings), I think one of the models is Keeley Hawes, and the ubiquitous smashed up make-up (I’d never noticed that before!). I was thinking that the clothes pictured are a similar price to what they are now. I suppose this reflects the fact that clothes these days are actually pretty cheap.

The clubbing feature is “Spotlight on Wakefield” at the Roof Top Gardens. There’s also a career feature on becoming a P.E teacher. The woman featured is 23 but looks at least 10-20 years older!

@CounsellorTroi

70s and 80s in my case. 'Jackie', 'Oh Boy', 'My Guy',

There were Pink, Mates, Blue Jeans, Fab 208 too. And Diana - anyone remember that?

I remember Jackie, my Guy, Mates, Blue Jeans and Fab 208. I used to share Smash Hits with my brother .

A little older Just 17 and Company.

Don't think I remember Diana.

I love this thread! I was a teenager until 1995 & used to read J-17, Mizz, More.
One of my friends won an Elite Model competition at 16 & was featured in J-17 modelling clothes.

Also read music publications like Melody Maker, Select & Mixmag...

I confess to still buying magazines, I read Grazia, Cosmo, New & Red plus read their online articles too when I have time.

I just prefer print copies to the small copy on my phone. I don't have an iPad or laptop which would be easier to read than my phone.

It's like, I prefer owning real books to a Kindle.

I was a teenager in the 80’s advice was to always look happy

That is still the advice that men love a smiley women (and advice given out on here to how can I attract someone question)

I’ve never been a smiley type unless having taken an e

@HmmmmmmInteresting

Does anyone remember Girl magazine from the late 80s/early 90s? I remember it was 50p a week and I was so sad when they stopped making it.

I remember it from the mid-80s. I remember a long-running photo-serial about a girl called Claire, and another one about a club or something called 'The Pink Flamingo'.

To be fair I still use the blowjob technique I learned from More . Never had any complaints

I do remember doing quizzes about personality, lifestyle, etc. I think the 'right answers' were fairly obvious. My friends and I tended to get the same answers, despite neither being all super-similar nor copying each other's answers!

I remember 'Blue Jeans' as well as others I've mentioned, but seem to have missed out on 'More'.

I know people a bit older than me who have fond memories of a magazine called 'Mirabelle' - that may have been 60s/ early 70s.

I think there still are teen mags, but teens nowadays are more likely to go to Internet sites.

I still have stacks of the Zoey books! I thought I had them all but there are some missing. Haven't read them in years but I absolutely loved them, I used to wish I could take the ferry to school.
Free to anyone who wants to relive their youth! Seriously, I'm trying to clear out to move house so you would be doing me a favour!

God I loved reading those magazines, but they made me cry! I had bad acne, no boys ever fancied me, and I was severely bullied at school. I’d get so upset reading them because I wasn’t a pretty, popular girl with boys fancying me.

Does anyone remember Minx? It was mid nineties ladette Britpop, like More but with a sense of humour. I also used to love Select magazine, like NME without the stroppiness, the classifieds were brilliant.

J17- for 13 year olds who wanted to be older.
Mizz- preoccupied with fashion
More - for people who weren’t having sex but wanted to read about sex like they were, as soon as I was having sex it got a bit dull.

All I have at him is a German magazine from the late 80’s as my DM was trying to learn German and I butchered the photo stories with my own made up translations, which reading back looks like at 13 I was largely preoccupied with dicks and the alcohol percentage in spirits. The rest of the magazine, judging by the images is pretty similar to the uk ones.

About Girl magazine in the early to mid 80s:

I remember a long-running photo-serial about a girl called Claire, and another one about a club or something called 'The Pink Flamingo'.

Well remembered. The Pink Flamingo was a nightclub for young teenagers at which no alcohol was served. As if, but I was so jealous and wished that I lived near it.

I remember one of the problems on the Girl problem page from around this time. A girl of 12 had written in to say that she was bored most of the time (I empathised: I too was 12 and bored). The agony aunt was a matronly school nurse type and her advice was this (I can still remember it):

“You are at the age where we used to say, ‘too old for toys, too young for boys’. In the meantime, try to keep busy so that when you meet boys you will have something to talk about”.

Disappointing! No wonder Mizz seemed so compelling in comparison.

I have rummaged around in my spare room and found my copy of Catch!

Fabulous! A lost treasure!

There are also a couple of makeover features (one where the two women are insurance clerks), some very odd fashion (lots of expensive leggings), I think one of the models is Keeley Hawes, and the ubiquitous smashed up make-up (I’d never noticed that before!). I was thinking that the clothes pictured are a similar price to what they are now. I suppose this reflects the fact that clothes these days are actually pretty cheap.

Brilliant! I just checked and Keeley Hawes would have been 17 or 18 at the time so it very likely is her.

Googling for ‘Catch magazine’ yields zero results. Even searching for ‘list of magazines published by DC Thomson’ doesn’t produce anything. Has Catch been edited out of history? Is it a sinister plot to redact terrible magazine features?

Actually I would enjoy a week’s holiday in the DC Thomson archives (Dundee or somewhere I think) reading all the back issues of the elusive Catch plus Blue Jeans, Patches, My Guy etc etc.