What's a stupid thing you've done that you still think WTF did I do that for?

[whatsnewpussycat777]

Me

I wanted to kill the weeds between the slabs up to the front door.

No fucker one told me that they were going to crumble and dissolve if I used neat bleach.

What an idiot. 😢

Have you anything stupid to make me laugh on this cold evening 😃?!

Ps. Don't use bleach on certain slabs. certainly not neat

I was 15 and a bit drunk, wanted cheese on toast, disengaged brain and got a piece of bread, topped it with cheese, put in on a plate and stuck that directly on the cooker TOP.

The fact that none of the shards of rapidly flying plate hit me is still confusing.

About 2 years ago on a Saturday morning I was making breakfast for my DP. We drank day to day water out of Chimay glasses at the time which are made of very thin glass. Dropped a jar, somehow my hand got between the glass and the jar and got a nasty laceration. It could actually have been many many times worse tbf.

Still, I decided that I wasn't going to hospital because a) I couldn't be arsed b) it was Saturday morning c) I was kind of scared to. So I sellotaped my hand up, trying to bunch the skin with the tape so it would heal properly. That night I was in the pub and the barman asked me what happened. It was only when he was totally horrified that I realised maybe using sellotape and toiler paper on a laceration and then going out on the piss was kind of silly. It healed nicely though :)

I got free tickets to a big concert and was going to meet the artist. I got wankered, fell asleep in the bogs, wandered all over the place and had to be escorted back to my seat. Met the person afterwards and the look on their face was pretty sobering.

I'm the worst at touching things to see if they're hot or sharp. I've grabbed an iron I dropped, walked across my kitchen holding a baking tray with my bare hand and even licked caramel straight out the pot. I test every new knife with my finger, even when I tell myself I shouldn't, I still do it.

Two of my worst injuries though are probably:

1. I was washing dishes and noticed a hairline crack on a glass. Examined it and decided it would be ok as it didn't look too bad and it was a Taz glass which I really loved. Holding a sponge I put my hand inside the glass, and dunked it in the hot water in the sink. The glass shattered right along the crack as soon as it touched the water, and right where my pinkie finger was. It sliced deeply into it at an angle and I bled everywhere. I ended up bandaging it up myself and went to the pub (I was late for meeting my mum and uncle for lunch) instead of getting it checked out and just ordered a whisky alongside my lunch as I thought it would stop me shaking from the shock. Most of the bit that sliced healed perfectly fine but a bit of it didn't stick back and died off and I now have a permanent dent in my finger.

1. I've told this story before, although I can't remember the exact situation that led to the injury now and may have changed details before as so many people were told the story at the time. I'd been in bed with DH, and nipped out to the loo after, totally naked. I peeked in to check DC were sleeping and closed the door afterwards. Right onto my nipple which had dangled itself into the open hinge. DH said the noise I made didn't sound human and I managed to wake both DC. My nipple pissed blood everywhere and anything touching it (even clothing) was agony for ages afterwards.

A small bonus embarrassing one I just remembered:

My dad had to take me to hospital one day to check for concussion. I was in my early 20s, visiting my parents and sitting on one of their dining chairs backwards, I leaned back forgetting there wasn't a chair back behind me and fell off, breaking the chair and also cracking my head off the door jamb. When I explained what happened to the doctor at A&E he actually burst out laughing and then got me to repeat the story to his colleagues (I had been laughing telling him the story too). Thankfully I didn't have a concussion but the doctor jokingly told me that I was an adult not a child and to make sure to sit properly on chairs from then on.

Halfway through making a cup of tea I decided I'd rather have coffee. But rather than waste 1/2 a cup of tea I just added the coffee to it.
Seriously, I have never tasted anything so vile in my life! It was 20 or more years ago and the memory of it still makes me retch.

Just started big school aged 13 and had to get the train in. Back in to 80s so with slam door trains. It was in the commuter belt and I used to see all the commuters in suits opening the doors and stepping out onto the platform while the train was still moving. I thought it was a done thing so tried it once. I went rolling down the platform while all the commuters stepped around me

"I once stood on the end of rake to see if it really does come up and hit you in the face.

It does."

😂😂😂. Thank you for that laugh!!

Once when we were going on holiday we stopped at a service station on the M1. I had to use the toilet in McDonalds. The loo was in a bad state. I went over to a guy in a short sleeved blue shirt and tie and complained telling him that he needed to be checking the toilet, only to be told by him that he didn't work at MacDonalds. His work colleague looked embarrassed for him. I was just confused.

Once whilst putting my shopping on the conveyor belt in Tesco I noticed something had leaked. So ( for some reason I can't fathom) I stuck my finger in it and licked my finger. It was laundry detergent. I got through the transaction then rushed to toilet.

@MrMucker

Whilst showering, scrub washed my most vital parts with Original Source Mint and Tea Tree Shower Gel. You only really do that the once unless you have a niche interest in pain.

Pregnant me packed some of that stuff for my after birth shower-‘that’ll do-it’ll freshen me up a treat’

Pregnant me is a sadist…

I've done some pretty stupid things in my time however this one takes the biscuit....
I'd fallen while walking with my hands in my pockets and face planted the pavement resulting in a pretty messed up face.
The next day it looked even worse and was really painful all round my jaw and eye NHS24 recommended getting checked out. Duly went to the hospital and walking into the waiting room tripped over my own 2 feet and landed on my face again....because my hands were in my pockets! Thankfully there were no breaks...I just looked like a monster for a while.
I'd like to say I've learned my lesson but I still walk with my hands in my pockets.

The other day I made a cup of tea when I was tired, got my hand wedged in the handle then spilt boiling tea all over my hand as I was trying to extricate it from the handle. The water coming out of the tap was warm so I decided to shove my hand in the freezer. The draw wasn't opening very far so I then got my hand stuck. It felt like I was about to get frostbite so I pulled it out and in my enthusiasm to ram the drawer shut, I also pressed the button which switches off the freezer. A couple of days later I found frozen vegetables swimming in red berry water, which I spent ages cleaning up. Ffs. At least my hand didn't blister from the tea!

I still have a dent in my thigh from the time I tried to sew a tear in some jeans.

The needle was nowhere near strong enough but I thought it just needed a good push to get it through, so I braced it against my thigh.

The fat end went in my leg with an audible pop.

No blood luckily but I was knocked sick pulling it back out again 🤢

In my first ever job, I laminated a penny. Just to see what would happen.

Laminator busted. Obviously.

In the Middle of the night I hear a blood curdling scream.
I rush into the bathroom to find my child of about 7 had used Teatree Body Scrub on her bits.
I dumped her into the bath and hosed her down.

I tried to close stubborn semi-broken sash window by putting my hands under the bottom sash and pulling. Window came down, trapping my hands at both wrists. Spent a couple hours trying to get the attention of my partner who was working in the pub opposite. He didn't notice, so I had to wait until he got home.

Around the same time, I ran downstairs from my flat to collect my post from the communal post box, grabbing my keys on the way out because the door was one that locks behind you. Was mid-morning on my day off so as I knew the occupants of the other flats were all at work, and it was a hot summer day, I didn't bother putting any clothes on (ah the body-confidence of youth). Trouble is, I'd picked up my car keys. No house key. Had to borrow a huge winter coat from a rack that very luckily was outside the door of an upstairs neighbour then knock on a few doors to find someone with a phone I could use to call my partner (this was pre-mobile), who was at work a few miles away. The only neighbour I could find who was at home was 'creepy pervert guy', who then heard me whispering to my partner that I was naked and proceeded to live up to his name. Had to walk the streets in a giant faux-fur coat until partner got home. I still triple check I've got the right keys when I go out (although baby-wrecked tummy has put paid to wanton nakedness).

@Figmentofimagination

As a child, running round a friends back garden during her birthday party. Ran straight over the plastic manhole that covered a hole they had dug to store their dogs shit. Plastic broke and my foot and leg went into the hole. Was stuck and had to be pulled out by the dad. Had dog shit up to my thigh and got hosed down.

Why would you store your dog shit in a hole in the ground????!!!!

Thank you @Figmentofimagination that’s genuinely the best laugh I’ve had in ages

When my friend and i were younger we came home drunk from a night out, decided we were hungry and put some burgers wrapped in tin foil in the microwave. Her mum still thinks I'm the idiot and looks warily at me when I see her.
Then as we were getting ready for bed, I was walking around on the landing with a glass of hot salt water on my trendy new belly button piercing, I was trying to make my friend laugh by jumping up and down so the water swished around and I fell backwards down the stairs, the glass smashing loudly.
As we got into bed my friend was so tired she didn't want to go back to the bathroom to take out her contact lenses so she put them in pint glasses of water at the side of the bed, woke up thirsty in the night and downed them! I miss those days.

Halfway through making a cup of tea I decided I'd rather have coffee. But rather than waste 1/2 a cup of tea I just added the coffee to it.
Seriously, I have never tasted anything so vile in my life! It was 20 or more years ago and the memory of it still makes me retch.

Oh dear . I once made that for someone while I was doing care work. I spooned instant coffee into a cup and accidentally topped it up with the tea urn ⚱️ instead of the boiling water.

The poor recipient was very good about it and just said he couldn’t drink it

So many things.

The top ones that come to mind don't seem to fall into the "youthful indiscretion" category that I thought might be popular here:

• as an exchange student, got fries very late from a place in Florence. The fry man ended up leaving his post and we made the walk up to the Piazzale Michelangelo together.

• on another jaunt abroad, rode on the back of a guy's motorcycle through colonial roads after many drinks (by both of us)

Perhaps most shockingly, they were both decent enough men that I didn't get sexually assaulted...

Sprayed my laptop really intensely with Flash and killed it.

It's not like I don't usually know that's wriong either. Must just've been being a bit dopey that day.

^Halfway through making a cup of tea I decided I'd rather have coffee. But rather than waste 1/2 a cup of tea I just added the coffee to it.
Seriously, I have never tasted anything so vile in my life! It was 20 or more years ago and the memory of it still makes me retch^

A thing I tried to make was coffee made with Red Bull. As I took it out of the microwave, it was spitting. It was really vile, as you can imagine.

used to go upstairs on the bus coming back from school and dangle upside down like a bat over the stairs on that ledge thing

bus stopped so abruptly mid dangle and i ended up doing the sickest backflip ever and landing on the stairs on my left knee, broke my thigh bone and dislocated my knee cap so the fucking bus driver had to pull over and phone an ambulance as i was chalk white and sweaty, screaming in pain, never been so mortified and even to this day i don’t know why i was so hellbent on dangling!

worst thing was I was year 9 and the bus was full of year 10&11 boys that I was trying to impress!

I fried a laptop with a can of Irn-Bru. It was sitting beside the laptop as I was drinking it, but I'm so clumsy I knocked it with my arm, causing it to do a perfect 180° flip and land upside down on the keyboard.

I immediately turned the laptop off so I could clean up the liquid as much as I could before too much got inside.

Instead of taking care around the power button which I knew I should do, I wiped the cloth right over the top of it, which turned the laptop back on and it immediately "popped" and went black.

I had a lot of writing work and photos on there that I didn't have saved anywhere else, so I still have it in the hope I finally remember to find a pro who might be able to get everything off it for me.

At the beginning of the first lockdown, in a moment of madness from COVID anxiety, I went to bed with a cup of tea in one hand and my phone in the other. I went to Chuck my phone onto my bed and put the tea on the bedside table. Except I got it the wrong way round. You really wouldn't believe that a single cup of tea could saturate a whole king size duvet

@Cocolapew

Decided to superglue a tin opener that was broken. I glued it to the kitchen worktop and my hand to the tin opener. I used a very sharp knife to prise my hand off it. I must have lost 2 layers of skin. Rearranging DDs bedroom I fell into the wardrobe off a chest of drawers and got stuck in it. I still don't know how I ended up in it. I had opened the door a bit for some reason even though the chest of drawers were tight against it, and tumbled into the tiny gap. I'm not tiny . I had my phone in my pocket and had to phone my neighbour to come and rescue me. I was walking along the street and was that busy nosying I walked staight past the signs that a manhole was open and fell straight down it.

Oh dear god that is hysterical. I'm sat here trying not to wake DH crying with laughter.

@Ahmnotacat

Oh and just the other day I had a sink blockage, unscrewed the U-bend (feeling DIY AS FUCK) and then instantly tipped the contents down the sink... which now had no u-bend, just a hole into the cupboard below, where it all splashed straight back out.

😂😂😂😂😂

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows omg I’ve done this so many bloody times then spend about 3 hours hating myself for it! why do brains do this