I bought a white coat in the sales to look like Olivia Pope, but I actually resemble a middle aged taekwando instructor

[DollyMixtureLulus]

This thread has given me a lovely laugh on a miserable Monday morning!

I bought one of those swing/cape coats a couple of winters ago... this was the look I was hoping for but sadly, being 5'4" and the wrong side of a size 20 I just looked like a fat bat.

Oh yes at 5ft 2 anything flowing and black instantly transforms me into a wee a girl trapped in the curtains at the theatre.

I recently got some navy blue culottes (well, they would be culottes on someone 4 inches taller than me) and a chunky grey sailor jumper, aiming for a kind of Scandi, cosy, chic winter look. Instead, I look like Willem Dafoe in The Lighthouse.

I was sorely tempted by a beautiful tailored red coat with long tails I saw on Joe Brown.

Until my DSis said I would look like a ringmaster.

(It's as well I didn't say I had thought of wearing knee high black boots with it...)

Love this thread!
Back in the 80s I spent all my Saturday job money on a Miss Selfridge grey double breasted overcoat with epaulettes and metallic buttons. Was going for the "military chic" look, but everyone called me Herr Flick. (Yes I did wear round glasses at the time...)

This has made me laugh so much! I once had a really smart (or so I thought) white blazer. Every time I wore it my dad would ask me for an ice cream 🤬

When my cousin was married a long time ago - I bought a high waisted long fitted black skirt and matching fitted short curvy jacket & a wide brimmed black hat and had a lovely wide lapelled white shirt . Black at a wedding aside - I thought it was chic. I showed my now DH photo and he said - you look like you should be running in tiny steps across St Mark's Square with the rest of the nuns.

Herr Flick

I bought a jump suit that was dark green with floral prints on. I wore it with doctor Martens. I went to work and was asked if I was going on manoeuvres.. I thought I looked edgy and cool. I looked again in the ladies loo mirror and I did indeed look like a squaddie

"fat bat"

Still... it could always be worse

Can't remember if it was this thread or suszi quatros fat nan one, but shout out to the poster who had a silver pixie cut. I've just done this and got some new specs too. Librarian Scandinavian chic I'm aiming for. Reality: effeminate middle-aged slight bemused man. Now gotta wear a full face of slap to look normal.

Great thread 😂 during the 90's I paired leggings with a pleated tunic in autumnal colours and suede ankle boots. Cue 'Robin of Sherwood' music from my brothers. 'Robin, Robin...the hooded maaan'.
A pint-sized Robin of Sherwood, I might add, as I'm very small.

@NovemberR

I'm embarrassed to admit to this, because actually most of your fashion faux pas sound edgy, expensive and cool - and mine is far from that. I blame the strain of this year and the lack of places to shop, but just before Christmas I bought some red woolly leggings with white spots (like falling snow) on them. In Lidl. (Essential shops only open). I vaguely thought I had a red sweater at home. They would be cosy, comfy, Christmassy cheery.

And I would look like the advert model eating Lindor chocolate in a Swiss log cabin.

My sweater finished at the waist! And the leggings were so thin (and stretched) you could see my massive pants through them. I looked like a solidly built toddler who'd been dressed by their father. A father who'd forgotten their bottom half and just shoved a pair of tights on them.
My adult DD pissed herself and kept saying but I don't understand why you didn't know they would look shit?

She doesn't understand that in my head I'm genuinely surprised by my mirror...

I very very rarely laugh out loud at things on MN, but congratulations @NovemberR - you changed that today.

I know exactly what you mean, because I too purchased these hideous items from Aldi (although mine where the marginally less evil black and white pair) but the knees bagged within about 30 seconds of putting them and they look AWFUL. DH did keep saying "well, what did you expect?" I think like you, I expected a certain wintery charm...

Thought of another one - bought a black jumpsuit - shirt with collar style on top and wider legs (as I have thunder thighs). Tried it on and couldn’t quite decide. DP (who is lovely and apart from this one time says I look great even when I definitely, definitely don’t) looked at me and said “I don’t think it’s quite the look you’re going for”. Apparently I looked like something out of N Korea.

NovemberR do have a little skirt you could wear with the red leggings and jumper? Like maybe a flared mini, either black if you wanted something more neutral or green for more festive? Honestly I think it would look fine with a skirt, it's just the leggings are so thin they look like tights.

There seem to be some general rules we can extract from this excellent thread.
So, if you're anything other than long slim model proportions:

1. Jumpsuits and dungarees: don't.
2. If the word 'chic' enters your thought processes: do a serious reality check before buying.
3. dots: check for mr blobby and Minnie Mouse likeness.

4. Anything pink: check for resemblance to a penis.

Anything furry, shaggy or with wings - check for cartoon animal doppelgängers.

5: When compensating for brutal new short hair do with extra make up and statement jewellery, check mirror for resemblance to Pat Butcher before going out.

6. if you are aiming for the bohemian look , be mindful that a synonym in the thesaurus is beatnik and this is exactly what you will resemble.

I wish I had seen this thread before I placed an eBay bid on a rather nice white padded mid-thigh length puffa jacket. It was a Canadian brand and looked very elegant. In my mind I thought I would resemble one of the lead characters in a Scandi noir crime series. I won the jacket and it arrived today.

I should add that I am a solid size 14. And clearly very optimistic/slightly deluded. I unwrapped it and tried it on, relieved that it did up comfortably. I then looked in the mirror and any illusions of elegance disappeared. I looked like an igloo on legs!

I have put the jacket at the back of my wardrobe and I'm hoping that my boyfriend doesn't ask me about it. I think he would cry with laughter if he saw me wearing it. To be honest I laughed a little bit myself when I saw my reflection. Thank goodness I didn't wear it out.

This thread deserves a place in Classics

1. Any coats / jackets / blazers check for resemblance to detectives, football managers, gestapo, circus ring masters and of course karate instructors.

I admire anyone who owns white clothing, especially in winter. I attract dirt 🤣