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Original poster

To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 02/01/2020 22:53

Just end it. Ick is rejection on a visceral level. You can't argue with it, nor should you want to. Next!

lifeisgoodmostofthetime · 02/01/2020 22:56

Guilty... I've experienced the ick too many times.

TiredSloth · 02/01/2020 23:00

For those that have referenced Friends there is literally an episode called ‘The One With The Ick Factor’.

It is definitely a thing. I once saw an attractive man naked with socks on and immediately felt repulsed by him. Everything he did made me cringe and I instantly knew I would never sleep with him.

Turquiose · 02/01/2020 23:00

Had been going out with someone for a year and one day whilst we were snogging I realised I could hear a loud slurpy sound. I said what's that noise? Realised it was him! That was it... Another one eating like an animal felt like shoving the whole plate into his face. Couldn't unsee him eating like that again so ping off you go!

Yestermost · 02/01/2020 23:01

20 years with DH. He does a thing with his mouth that his mother does. Makes me bleurgh. Still love him though.

Turquiose · 02/01/2020 23:02

Reminds me of the sex in the city episode where Samantha sleeps with a rich older guy and then sees his saggy arse walking away from her. Her face definitely had the ick! Grin

yougotanuglyboatrace · 02/01/2020 23:04

one went because of his fondness for referring to himself as 'Muggins here'

Lol that would get me too!!

RedRec · 02/01/2020 23:05

Best thread ever. The penguin waddle and the week of whoopsie had me howling.
I had an old flame reappear after many years. Was madly in love until he suggested having 'chips and fish'. I barfed inwardly but tried to overlook it. Then he said it again about a week later and that was it. Done.

butwhateverfor · 02/01/2020 23:06

I know I wasn't being unreasonable. It was first time sex date territory. He was lovely, gorgeous and funny and we'd been dating a few months. He did smell a bit musty sometimes, though, I noticed, but I put it down to his 'outdoorsy' lifestyle.

Once we were undressed, I caught sight of his arse with genuine lumps of poo dried in the hair. Not crumbs, lumps. He told me that he ' didn't really know how to get it off'. I was Shock

Skittlesandbeer · 02/01/2020 23:07

I remember the ick striking like lightening.

One minute we were on the sofa, snuggling and he was massaging my feet (my very favourite thing in the world). Next minute I was desperately pulling away to the edge of the sofa, in full ick mode. Trying to figure out what excuse to use so he’d go home to his!

I knew that if I couldn’t even stand him rubbing my feet, that the ick was permanent. Shame, he was the only bloke who never tired of doing it, and he had great technique. He did kind of stare at me while he did it, maybe that caused the ick?

PaperbackBlighter · 02/01/2020 23:07

I’m actually howling at “chips and fish” @redrec

Rhea1981 · 02/01/2020 23:10

Some of these have had me in hysterics imagining them😂. It's definitely a thing! I used to get it alot in my younger days when I was seeing someone, usually quite early on. It was always the nice ones who maybe were just a bit too nice and too full on but I remember that feeling of being physically repulsed by them and them making my skin crawl and just couldn't bare to be around them. It could be their laugh, the way they walk, something they said. It was probably quite shallow of me and I'm definitely not as judgmental now about things realising I'm far from perfect myself and would hate to think someone was repulsed by me lol. I never carried on seeing someone after getting that feeling. My partner now of 10 years actually does lots of gross things but I've never been repulsed by him.

PaperbackBlighter · 02/01/2020 23:12

@butwhateverfor can you please give me more info on that conversation? Did you broach the subject there and then, put your clothes back on and leave?

Gardai · 02/01/2020 23:14

@butwhateverfor dear god that’s hilarious and disgusting but thanks and I don’t feel so alone anymore with my horrible memory.

But at my age I have to say I get instant ick. I don’t need to date or even hardy talk to a man and I know what will bring it on. A fully experienced and oestrogen depleted woman can tell a mile off. Maybe it’s natures way and for the best 👍🏻

JustASmallTownCurl · 02/01/2020 23:14

@butwhateverfor

Boaaaaaaaaak.

I don't think that counts as the ick to be fair because it's just generally fucking disgusting 😂

A mate of mine made a similar discovery to you after a date. Apparently they are called dingleberries.

Just. So. Boak.

Snowmonster · 02/01/2020 23:15

It didn't bother me at all to begin with but then became the focus of my attention.....his lovely locks used to swing in time to his rhythmic thrusts when we were on the job. That was ick - Dumped.

butwhateverfor · 02/01/2020 23:16

I was like Mr. Bean, so taken aback that I began saying: "Er...you know...not sure if you realise...erm...it's not really terribly clean..."

My skin is crawling and this is over 15 years ago!

coffeeisaddictedtome · 02/01/2020 23:16

Omg !' I'm so there !!! When I was pregnant with my son the smell of my then husband just made me throw up!!! Just even being near him I never before had come across someone else who felt the same ! First few months I couldn't even sleep in the same bed ! Luckily it wore off but it was so weird !!

Justaboy · 02/01/2020 23:17

But the physical skin crawl ick thing has been nice guys.

How odd perhaps its the not so nice guys that don't incur ick?

But the next thing we read is LTB etc.

FWIW never once had this with a Woman ever!

Odd or what?.

happinessischocolate · 02/01/2020 23:19

My ex (pot noodle guy) was very good-looking but had this nose hair that unnoticeable to the common eye but up close was super long. Towards the end i couldn't bring myself to even give him a peck on the lips because of it

I was seeing s fella recently but then got the ick due to a complete lack of nasal hair, he would take selfies whilst looking down at the camera presumably to hide the receding hairline and consequently you could see right up his nose which was completely hairless, this also made me notice his complete lack of any signs of any stubble on his face, he was so lovely and great fun but I just couldn't kiss him 😂

Weirdomagnet · 02/01/2020 23:25

butwhateverfor

I was like Mr. Bean, so taken aback that I began saying: "Er...you know...not sure if you realise...erm...it's not really terribly clean..."

My skin is crawling and this is over 15 years ago

Dying here!

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 02/01/2020 23:25

Oh, yes, remember one now, an actual proper one. He went to pick something up from the ground and bent at the knees I literally felt myself seal up.

MillicentMartha · 02/01/2020 23:27

Jumped to the end of the thread, but I’ll go back and read it all but had to post.

My exH! Oh my god... it was like I just noticed after 20 years.

Mouth breathing, eating with his mouth open, slack looking face when he was asleep, sweaty body, hairy chest, hairy neck, hairy back, hairy hands. The way he took his pants off over his erection, with a sort of springy pyong! I just couldn’t bear it.

It turned out he was having an affair! Shock The timing was uncanny. It was like I could sense him withdrawing his love of me and it made me repulsed by him. I was still devastated when my brain caught up with my heart around 12 months later.

Dietsareus · 02/01/2020 23:27

Oh god...this thread was written for me. I’ve name changed because I know a friend will be reading this 😂 I’ve had this a few times, and most recently with the two fellas I was dating before my current fella.
First one was absolutely lovely, but after 2 months together the ‘ick’ crept in. I noticed one day that he had a mean little mouth that he used to screw up if he found something distasteful...and that was it. Everything he did after that repulsed me; his mannerisms, his way of eating, his impression of Skeletor laughing...everything. I tried for another month but had to dump him as I was really concerned I was just going to blow up at him for being him!
The next fella was fine, quirky but interesting. I knew we wouldn’t be together forever, but he was good company and a refreshing change. But then one day he literally shovelled food in his moth, and talked to me with his mouth full, all loose lipped and semi masticated food 🤮🤮 Shortly after that I noticed he smelt really odd, like musty ham. All the time, even straight out of the shower, and realised that once again I’d got the ‘ick’ and there’d be no going back.
The memory of having sex with third men actually makes me feel ill now...! Awful really, poor blokes....

usernamepp · 02/01/2020 23:28

I was dating a guy for months and I really liked him. He stayed at my flat for the first time and in the morning he was walking around in living room in his jeans and bare feet and I instantly felt it. I dumped him not long after and I still get the crawling skin feeling when I think the times I was with him 🤢

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