To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

[Thickums]

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurable. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?'

One thing my ex did that really unnecessarily wound me up was refer to his family as his 'famalam' it makes me shudder just writing it!!! Pass me the sick bucket!

I've had this in every relationship and with every guy I've ever dated or had a fling with, except DH. That's how I know he's the one.

My first serious boyfriend gave me the ick from day one and I suppressed it for two years because I thought the problem lay with me. I could write a book about the icky things he did.

He slowly and carefully trimmed his toenails into the shape of daggers, with a sharp point in the middle.

He was so over-dramatic about pain. When we were flying and his ears popped, he sat leaning forward and grimaced like a child with his hands over his ears, as if his eardrums had exploded. So embarrassing.

rumandbiscuits yes, that’s icky 😂

Yep I think women get this more than men. It’s why when women dump someone that is less likely to be because there is someone else involved. They just got the ick.

They also really mean it and don’t go back. Men often dump a girl and then come back for more. They can’t have got the ick. They just wanted to play the field.

It’s probably the main reason I dumped guys in my late teens early twenties. If I was ever the dumper I never went back. I literally couldn’t even cope with the thought of it. Ick.

Remembered another one. We never went out together. It was someone on the same Literature course as me several years ago. I was instantly attracted to him. And secretly lusted over him for ages. I was slightly put off by his insistence in reading the lead role of a set play we were doing in a thick Northern Irish accent. The character was a Dubliner.
I grew more impatient the further into the play we got that no one pulled him up on it. (To be clear, he wasn't NI. He was from Lancashire!) One day he was leaning over a table to write. He had a wallet in the back pocket of his jeans and that made me feel a bit icky . Then he turned round and he had a bunch of keys and novelty keyrings attached to the belt loop on his jeans. Total ick.

I remember another one....I started dating this hot guy, went back to his one day but he had one side of his bed right up against the wall. I don't know why but I really got the ick and couldn't do anything after that.

I'm sure I've given loads of men the ick too , I can think of so many cringe moments.

Actually in addition to above, I have just remembered that I've been with someone else who also had his bed up against the wall, but for some reason I tolerated it and fancied him for years. The ick is irrational!

ginandbearit

nylon tights give me the ick and I’m a heterosexual woman! I cannot bear to see feet through sheer nylon tights! 🤢🤢🤢. How some men give foot rubs through them I have no idea [shudder, cringe, boak]

Not sure why I put ‘heterosexual’ in there, no relevance whatsoever 😬🙄

I was on top once during sex with an ex and when I pulled away from his kiss and looked down at him, he was just lying there like a big lump with his eyes closed, mouth open and his tongue halfway out of his mouth. Ick. The guy was never good looking but I was attracted to him when we met. Then he got into drugs and became this boring, unmotivated person. I think "tongue-gate" just highlighted to me how lazy and slow he had become.

When I was at uni I saw a guy out quite a lot. He was doing accountancy, smart and good looking. He was also really patient with my fuckwittery. A lovely guy. I remember going to his bedroom once (he lived with his parents I think) and there was a copy of the declaration of Arbroath on the wall. This didn't offend me at all, and it isn't uncommon in Scotland. But I got total ick and that was that.

The previous boyfriend's morning breath smelled exactly like his penis but I was somehow ok with that. Weird.

The previous boyfriend's morning breath smelled exactly like his penis.

I once went out with a guy who I was really into for about a week and then spent several months after that trying to regain that feeling. Objectively he was fine - motivated, worked hard, talented at his job, generous and attentive. He showed off a bit with a flashy car and expensive clothes but got on well with my friends and I liked his.

But - he had a sort of round face and cropped hair and wore sunglasses with round lenses when he drove. One day he was sort of leaning ever-so-casually against his new, flash car and reached out to put them on and I found myself thing, “FFS, dot wear those, they make you look like a fly”. After that we limped along but it was over.

I've just remembered another one! A guy I was dating was kissing my inner thigh and of course I thought ooh where is this going? He then BLEW A RASPBERRY on my skin. I was done. It was over. Yuck yuck yuck.

An ex boyfriend used to go out to pubs / clubs wearing a jumper. Which is fine (if a bit old mannish for the mid 90s) but wouldn’t wear a t shirt underneath. So he’d be too hot but couldn’t take his jumper off.

I went away to university and he made quite a fuss about it. Whenever I came down to visit, he would see me off at the train station (fine) but then, when the train started moving, he would run alongside the train waving at me. I think he thought it was romantic. Ick.

When we were in bed, he would lie with his back to me and say “Could you just lightly stroke” (not a question). I would then lightly stroke his back with my fingertips.

He got in the habit of using baby talk in the bedroom. To be fair, I asked him to cut it out.

Looking back, I should have finished with him ages before he finished with me. I was young and didn’t really trust my gut.

lightly stroke

A couple to add from me (and my god this thread is gold!).

My Ex who I had been in a relationship with for 6 years, I knew things weren't right for ages and he was an emotionally abusive dick-bag but I hadn't found the fight within myself to leave him yet.

Until we had another couple over to our place for a meal, I prepped and cooked a three course meal for them and all was going well, then after the main course he decided to pop a huge spot on his shoulder at the dinner table, in front of our guests and the revulsion was like a revelation! Funny how years of horrible comments and nasty put-downs (and some financial abuse to top it all off) didn't bring about the visceral reaction that I had in that one moment, I left him a few weeks later after getting myself sorted with finances as best I could and lining up a new flat.

Another, is from a perfectly lovely nice bloke who I saw for a few dates, tall, dark, handsome and a good job. Really gentlemanly as well which was lovely. When I got invited back to his place after our fourth or fifth date, he went to his bathroom and was there for quite a long while, eventually came out in his dressing gown and slippers that weren't too different from the dressing gown and slippers my Step Dad wore.... ick and the lust was gone. Poor bloke.

Oh no, I have my bed up against the wall! Doesn't feel cosy otherwise. Tbf I have a tiny bedroom, but now I wonder if it will give some poor man the ick.

I also have my bed up against the wall - it's kind of necessary as I have given dc the big room and I have a double bed in a single room so it's necessary to still be able to open the built in cupboard door. However I've grown to quite like it lol

It's real. Hit my last relationship too hard. Hated his mannerisms that I never thought of before ! I thought maybe I was changing as a person (was early twenties) but then I just couldn't get past it. A relief when the relationship came to an end. but he was so sweet and amazing ... but the way he drank from a straw made me want to throw food at him

Struggling to see the issue with a bed against the wall!

What's wrong with the bed thing? I've always had my bed against the wall

I've definitely had the ick.
I was casually dating a guy a few years back. Very good looking, dumb as a bag of cats. It was just a bit of fun, I didn't want a proper relationship-neither did he. He was planning to go to NZ for a year 3 months after we met. Perfect I thought.
6 weeks of fun and he said " I've looked into getting a refund on my plane ticket, I'm really falling for you"
That was it. Instant ick. I couldn't even stand to be stood 3 feet from him.
I responded with " I don't want to see you again, please leave"

I feel a bit guilty for how I handled it but he had a great time in NZ so all is good.

There is someone else that gives me the ick- I love all siblings equally but this sister just fills me with dread, the way she laughs, the way she eats, everything she says,does,wears, moans about. I see her twice a year and always act pleasant and loving but I breath a huge sigh of relief when it's over.

I know that makes me a horrible person.

What's wrong with the bed thing? I suppose subconsciously (and the ick is entirely subconscious) it's a bit juvenile. Kids have their beds against walls, adults tend to be centred in a room - obviously talking about a side of a bed here not the headboard.

Another two... had been seeing a guy for a while and thought things were getting more adventurous in the bedroom when, as we were getting amorous, he tied my hands to the bed. And then he didn't really seem to know what to do and..... fetched some felt tips and drew a smiley face on my chest.

The second, who on paper seemed brilliant; woke up the morning after we'd been on a night out (first time I'd stayed over) and started drinking from a can of lager left by the bed god knows when. Must have been open hours, warm, flat and anyway it was the morning. Not even out of bed yet! That was a very reasonable ick.