To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

[Thickums]

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurable. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?'

Fancied someone for ages, then he turned up on our date with weird shoes...no
Another one ate too slowly, I'd finished my food and had to watch him laboriously chew and chew, wanted to stuff the food down his gob!
Another one peeled off his clothes in what he thought was a seductive manner to reveal a red velvet thong, repeated the performance the next time to reveal a black satin thong instead..., instant sealant

no and why would you try. boyfriends are a renewable resource.

Oh boy, can relate! Very limited dating life, but glad it's not just me.

Like others, one ex, lovely guy, been friends with a bit of sexual tension (can't believe I just used that phrase, sorry) for ages, loads in common, treated me brilliantly, started to see each other and then... the ick.

Still have no idea why. He was away for a couple of weeks, so it's not even anything he did! But... the ick just kicked in.

I still feel bad for dumping him as soon as he came back.

DH now has many debatable habits. No ick. Go figure!

Rather awfully, and much to my shame, I spent the last year, possibly more, of my marriage feeling like this, but thinking 'it must be me!!' Because literally EVERYTHING about him annoyed me...everything! So I rationalised that this wasn't possible, and I needed to fix it...as he couldn't be 'that' bad, could he?? (He was!!) So, everyday I woke up and 'promised' myself 'Today, I will love him better!!'

I failed miserably at this...and by the end I would have punched passing nuns, I was that angry at the way he preened his sodding permed hair! 😳

We quickly parted ways after this...no nuns were harmed 👍

@northernknickers That's hilarious! (I think we were married to the same man)

Oh God yes, the ick. I remember that with exh very well, when even the look of his skin, the way his teeth looked in his mouth, the way he walked, spoke, ate and the way he drove the car all gave me the ick so badly. It's not the same as hating someone, though it can feel like it in a way. I know the thought of spending any longer with him was unbearable. I'm envious of those who got the ick early on in a relationship as you can get away with no harm done then. When you've gone and married them, it's a complete disaster.

Running up to me in the street in a sort of ‘mimicking horses’ hooves in a gallop’ way, to surprise me

^^

Dies

The phwoar thread has just reminded me of (sadly with current dp 😬) when out for a drive he moved the tiny, slidy automatic gear knob thing - he took it gently between his thumb and forefinger, pinky extended like the queen with her cup of tea from the best China and kind of pursed his slips slightly each time. I'd filed that away so I didn't think about it til now.

Exh the icks are never ending. The fact he shaved his chest hair on occasion thinking he looked better (made the moobs look bigger), his inability to chew with his mouth shut for an entire mouthful, the fact that he plucked his eyebrows, the way his mum called me hen the list is massive. I left because he was an abusive twat but the icks made me try dumping him periodically for the first year or so!

I've just remembered some more ickism's that I had with previous Bfs.

One ex would start singing at me out of the blue on occasion. He thought he had a good voice and clearly thought I enjoyed standing there while he sang whatever pop song at me. It was beyond cringeworthy and really awkward to have to stand and listen to him. I don't know why I didn't just tell him to shut up and stop embarrassing himself but I probably didn't want to hurt his feelings. He only did it while we were at home until one time he did it to me in public. Oh no no no! That was the dealbreaker.

Another ex that I found completely irritating was the nicest person you've ever met, so utterly nice that gave me rage! I'm actually a nice friendly person but occasionally like most people, I might interact with someone who I dislike - you know, annoying colleague, CF friend or acquaintance, racist family member etc. If I ever shared my opinion about such person with my ex he would look at me reprovingly and gently say that wasn't a nice thing to say or something similar. Essentially he would tell me off. He also hated it if I ever swore, which again I hardly ever do. I don't like it when people swear a lot either but on occasion it can be fitting. He managed to me feel like a potty-mouthed bitch which couldn't be further from the truth. It didn't last long unsurprisingly.

@rockingthelook Why was there a second time? Did you not collapse in hysterics the first?

And I was standing in a queue at a town centre bus stop, managedmis, so him galloping up was witnessed by a crowd. Ffs.

I’ve had this a few times but the most recent was an Italian ex-basketball player, now doctor. Tall, extremely good looking, great body, intelligent and funny! Tick Tick Tick!

I took him home and we started having sex and he started talking in Italian (you know his OWN language) and I hated it! If it was a few words I might have been ok but he did not shut up and he just sounded to me like someone out of a dodgy vintage porn film - Ick Ick Ick!

Ok man here ...
First ick...long term live in relationship , all our friends getting married (late twenties) so we were happily looking towards a future together ..she gets an interest in folk clubs and learns the guitar ..all good ..then one evening plays a series of love themed folk songs at me in a quavery faux old english accent...my toes curled so hard and the ick sent a horrified wave of embarrasment right through me so that I couldnt bear to to look at her . It was over for me from then and caused a lot of distress but i really couldnt be with her , everything had died in a flash .

Other icks in other relationships ...after seeing my gf walk around the bedroom in her saggy nylon tights many times without any issues , one day she was in the kitchen in t shirt and her ordinary tights (not thick woollen ones) with the gusset quite low and BOOM the magic was gone and never came back .
Next ick ..a big spot on her arse ..she's had spots before before and I never really noticed or was fussed ..but this one spot on this one day ..bye
And finally ..a gf who started saying "it's madness Gin , madness I say " at frequent and random moments with no relevance to the conversation ...that was it , I was done .
And sadly these were all lovely funny intelligent women, but as other pp have said, that single moment turns the light off and thats it .

A very good looking guy took a shine to me at uni, my friends were all very jealous but I just couldn't see past the way walked he had a sort of swagger but because he was tall and thin he reminded me of those dancing flower pot toys from the 80s.

It’s a good point about the babyish/unmanly behaviour bringing on the ick. The guy I posted about (on page 1) was really baby-faced, he was shorter than me (I’m 5’ 4!) and was REALLY slim. One day I realised he looked like a little boy and that was that.

I also had a full time job, had moved out of my parents’ house and had plenty of hobbies/interests. He bummed about with college courses, lived at home and had to ask his dad for money. I suppose that was a turn off too.

DH is loud, he makes a production out of sneezing, he farts a lot, he prefers to eat his dinner cold () and he doesn’t always wipe the sink after brushing his teeth, but he has never given me the ick 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ginandbearit

she gets an interest in folk clubs and learns the guitar ..all good ..then one evening plays a series of love themed folk songs at me in a quavery faux old english accent...my toes curled so hard and the ick sent a horrified wave of embarrasment right through me so that I couldnt bear to to look at her

Arrggh Nooo!!! that would be lovely by me! If theres one thing I like to see a lady do thats dress in in a nice evening gown and be performing in an orchestra or choir similar, does it for me every time:)

Absolutly beautiful, and i'll spare you loads of examples on youtube!!

As to the "ick" in general may be a tad olde world But I reckon underneath it all women like men to be men and to behave like a Man:)

I think back to when I was pregnant with ds2 and think how the hell did dh stay with me, he was trying to be so nice but every single thing about him annoyed me. The way he breathed (especially at night), how he ate, how his ears looked (I made him clean them on several occasions) even how well he was getting on with ds1 used to annoy me. It actually got worse after I had the baby. Wasn't until I stopped breastfeeding that I stopped feeling so irrationally irratated by him. Glad I saw this post and know it's not just me. Yay we survived the ick!!

I want to hear more men’s stories about their icks with us! It’s so interesting.

I was in the bath once and without asking my fiancé cane in sat on the toilet for a dump. A little irritating, but doable. He gets up, flushes leaves without washing his hands.

I couldn't bear it. So gross . I couldn't have him near me ever again. House purchase cancelled. Wedding cancelled. Couldn't get a grip on myself. The ick won.

Oh my gawd, Alone that’s unforgivable! So gross of him. Did you ever tell him the real reason?

she gets an interest in folk clubs and learns the guitar ..all good ..then one evening plays a series of love themed folk songs at me in a quavery faux old english accent...my toes curled so hard and the ick sent a horrified wave of embarrasment right through me so that I couldnt bear to to look at her

This would absolutely give me the ick too. I can just imagine it!!

@ferntwist I didn't. Maybe I should have.
It's just so unbelievable that a 34 year old man can't wash his hands. I was dumbstruck.

My ex partner gave me the ick massively. He was also the loveliest person, kind, driven, attractive, good job, my family loved him. But after about 6 months he started to get a bit annoying and from there it just got worse and worse. The more I withdrew from him the more he would try and the ickness just got unbearable. I remember one night lying in bed with him and his foot accidentally touched mine, I've never moved my foot so quickly in my whole life and my whole body just shuddered. This was the moment I knew I had to end things and that the ick was permanent. I still feel guilty about finishing with him now, he was so nice.

One day I realised he looked like a little boy and that was that.

He bummed about with college courses, lived at home and had to ask his dad for money. I suppose that was a turn off too.

I suppose that was THE turn off. I bet if he had a job, etc, you wouldn't see him as a child physically.