To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

[Thickums]

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurable. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?'

Oh and the same ex used to refer to his stomach as his 'tum'
Just no

OMG I did not know this even existed but your description is 100% accurate. I dumped two otherwise perfectly good boyfriends because of it before meeting DH (about whom I thankfully have never had that feeling!). YANBU, it cannot be undone. It must be some sort of subconscious alarm bell ringing?

Boom! Why???

An ExP who walked with his feet at 10 to 2 position rather than straight forwards. Even now when I see someone with feet like that I get the ick. And jeans that were slightly too short. And a flat back of the head so you couldn’t tell where his neck ended and his head started.

I had this s couple of times in my 20s and dread getting it with DH.

Both were really nice guys. I can't really remember what happened with the first one but I do remember that he made my skin crawl in the end.

The second was a definite moment. I asked him one morning if we could talk about our relationship (I just wanted to talk about how we communicated) and he stuck his head under the duvet and started crying.
God the ick! Instantaneous. I finished with him there and then and couldn't get out of his house fast enough. Poor guy.

@KidCaneGoat I know, the boom! is killing me!!! 💥

Been at my fitness class this morning- gorgeous looking instructor, very popular with the ladies. At the end he said "that's it for today guys - BOOM!" Having followed this thread, I almost had to leave the room...

I can't pin point when it happened but remember he'd always find me starting at him. He'd ask what and id say nothing but really I was looking at him thinking how have I ended up stuck with him. His flat feet repulsed me and I couldn't stand the way he breathed.

@JosephineDeBeauharnais I couldn’t have coped with that.

This thread should be moved to classics. Brilliant. I'm so relived that it is not just me. I thought I was just a horrible person

I agree, this should go in Classics. So amusing and also fascinating. Just what is 'the ick' about? I wonder whether it's a case of looking at it from the other angle... Let's imagine that out of 100 men, only a handful - let's say 5 - come across as potential partner material. That must be because 95 of them immediately and very obviously give us the ick, and we can probably verbalise why. But of the 5 that remain, for some reason, that 'ick' is concealed to us, only for it to emerge later. Maybe an interesting question is why the ick was not apparent for so long.

I do believe hormones have a lot to answer for - ovulation rendering people far more appealing temporarily, for example. Interestingly, isn't there a theory that from an evolutionary perspective we are happy for the genes of one man, but then may actively seek out another sort of mate to actually hang around, protect and provide for us whilst the original guy is off impregnating other women? I can see why the way some men do evoke a 'little boy' naivety is very offputting for evolutionary reasons. . Would be unreliable when the tiger appeared, calling for his own mother - or 'mudder'.

I think if you get the ick, they're just not the one. If you can live with someone who regularly leaves skids in the toilet, who has a hairy back, who thinks a Dutch oven is hilarious and has paraded around the bedroom with his 'tail between his legs' (look, I've got a mangina) and you still don't get the ick - it's true love 😂

My ex husband would do this thing if he was drinking a pint - he'd open his mouth wide and fill it with beer as if he was going to neck the pint quickly, then most of what went into his mouth would go back in the glass. Grim. He also had (has, he's not dead) very short legs, completely out of proportion with his torso (he's not tall anyway, but VERY short legs). He looked so bloody weird if he had them up on the sofa. Big ick. I really don't know what I was thinking. No redeeming factors that one I'm afraid

One ex, we'd got on really well, really thought he was the one, then he sat down at the table and said "ooh, steak. Yummy". It was like a switch.

A second. I was so into him, it was a slow build up and I'd gone to stay at his for the weekend. He met me off the train and we went out to his car, never even offered to carry either my overnight case, or the bag with beer in it. I was off all weekend and dumped him when I left.

Thank you! I now feel normal! I suffer from the ick....or as I refer to it "the boak" I feel this frequently.

One of my exes said to me he'd "love to rip my panties off" I instantly dried up and had to leave immediately. Panties....one of the worst words out there!

From most of these it does seem like the ick comes from behaviour that feels like it's childish or unmanly. Not manly in a he-man kind of way, but the grown-up, self-possessed kind of attitude that we seem to want in a man (I know I do) - even if he can be funny/silly, you want to feel like there's an adult there. Babyish clothes, language, head shape etc :o , yoghurt digging, or seeming to act out romance in a cliched way instead of actually being himself - ick.

I went out with a bloke many years ago, and I got the 'ick' when he told me he had a genuine fear of ghosts. I finished with him a few weeks later. Plus his laugh was really irritating.

@QuantamBaby This.

I just went on my first date after coming out of a 6 year relationship. The date was going great, guy was lovely. About an hour in his shirt moved slightly and I could suddenly see a thick gold chain around his neck. ICK CITY. I couldn't get past it! Worse so because the friend who had set me up told me he wore it to "make an effort" for the date. No no no.

Yep once the ick sets in there's no going back.
My first bf gave me the ick from the get-go though. I was 19 and on the rebound from the one that got away and ended up with him for 2 years. My skin still crawls when I think of him.

@nzginge86

Against my better judgement I've got a bit of a thing for men wearing thin gold chains, I just find it really sexy and I have no idea why.

One guy

• had "claw feet", ok I could maybe cope with that, but then... *said he had "an upset bottom", when he had diarrhoea. Also, kissed me when I was talking to him as if he wasn't listening to what I was saying, that infuriated me!

Another guy

• cried on the first date because his last girlfriend used to sleep with her back to him
• said girlfriend also told him his breath smelled, he then asked me if I thought it smelled and breathed in my face

God this is bringing up so many icky memories.
He called his computer his "pooter"
He called cold viruses "lurgies"
He would say "mm mmm MMMMMM" when something was tasty
He'd tell me how wet I was when we were having sex
He called me "lover"
He had weird black hairs on his back
He was a big mama's boy (eg would drive to his mum's and leave me alone if he had a bad cough)
Every time someone mentioned popular 90s girl group Atomic Kitten he'd proudly say "nuclear pussy!" as if it was the cleverest joke in the world
I'd better stop before I out myself here actually

Yes! Me and my ex split, we decided to meet up about a month later to give it another go. I have no idea what happened but one second I was so happy to be getting back together and the next I just thought eugh you round bellied wanker and that was it, the longing for him was gone and I feel icky when I bump into him now.

One of my exes said to me he'd "love to rip my panties off"
Yeah 'panties' is awful. Some of these are hilarious. I've had the ick from blokes 'talking dirty' to me 🤢, being a very unexpected bottom spanker during sex, making a very strange squealy noise during orgasm and being fucking dreadful at cunnilingus (flicking my clit so hard I kept flinching, which he mistook for me enjoying it) and me being too bloody polite to tell him. The ex who had very feminine and hairless legs, dirty stains on his front teeth, wore baggy y fronts and who (in the last months of our relationship) took to sleeping on the sofa in his clothes. The clothes he'd put on clean on Monday morning, wear to work every day of the week and also sleep in. There really was no coming back from that.

I've never been able to get over the ick... nope.

I left my 1st husband for this exact reason, although in my defense I had SERIOUS ongoing provocation but once it kicked in, that was it. Done deal.

@msflibble do you want his number 😂?!