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to share the things my BIL has moaned about whilst staying at our house for the past 3 days?

629 replies

BanKittenHeels · 15/09/2019 15:50

Amazon Prime Video doesn’t have the new Quentin Tarantino film that has just come out at the cinema. Ergo Amazon Prime is a waste of money.

The shower screen in the guest bathroom has a stationary rather than hinged shower screen.

That someone used the loo in the middle of the night and he could hear them flush - his bedroom door was 3/4 open.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

The Thai restaurant sent us too many prawn crackers. They sent an appropriate amount for the number of people, actually.

My deodorant is blue. And what?

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Our front gate is too squeaky.

The planes overhead are too low.

We have too many rugs.

He can hear traffic when in the garden.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Our children wear shorts.

The settings of the seats in the car we lent him weren’t to his liking.

He doesn’t like the preset radio stations on our car radio.

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

The local swimming pool (in a large city) keeps “provincial, British hours”.

Microwave steamers are “excessive gadgets”. Then 30 minutes later, “I suppose you could steam veg in your steamer, have you thought of that?” No shit!

None of the 3 duvets we offered him were suitable.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

Confused HmmAngry

OP posts:
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SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/09/2019 16:13

Oh! Just seen that he IS married . . . the language barrier must be the only thing that keeps them together.

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SnowBrussels · 15/09/2019 16:13

That’s not on, I’m glad your DH is pulling him up on it. Willing to provide an alibi if needed.

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nonevernotever · 15/09/2019 16:13

Ps Wtf is wrong with blue deodorant?

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Smelborp · 15/09/2019 16:14

I’d be tempted to hand him the list of things he’s whined and moaned about to show him how ridiculous it all looks. Collected, surely he would be able to see how awful it is?

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Sparkletastic · 15/09/2019 16:16

The only reasonable response to this sort of behaviour is 'Fuck off out of our house and never ask to stay here again.'

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mumwon · 15/09/2019 16:16

suitcase on doorstep bucket of cold water placed above to chuck on his head (preferably green & smelly) & I can teach you how to sing opera which you can do offkey first thing in the morning before he gets up - & get the dc to join in (& for gods sake warn the neighbours Grin)

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LuckyLou7 · 15/09/2019 16:16

What a delightful houseguest.

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SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 15/09/2019 16:18

Where does he live?

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AntennaReborn · 15/09/2019 16:18

OP, I think you deserve some sort of award for not having stabbed him with the butter knife yet

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NearlyGranny · 15/09/2019 16:18

Last shot to be used at parting, by your DH: "We've loved having you, John, and it's just a shame you've found it so trying and difficult being here with us. It's sad, but we've just got to accept you'll be much happier in a hotel or B&B next time. Here's some brochures I picked up to help you choose."

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meyouandlulutoo · 15/09/2019 16:18

I wouldn't be able to stop myself bursting into laughter everytime he came out with one of these 'pearls'! In fact it would become a 'thing' while he was staying and we would all try to outdo each other with ever ridiculous complaints - I don't like the look of that cloud overhead, it has a sarcastic looking demeanour.

I do sympathise it is very wearing.

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Chloemol · 15/09/2019 16:18

I would be telling him he moans to much and it’s to stop. If he can’t think of anything nice or positive to say then don’t say anything, and if he is really that unhappy he is welcome to leave and either pay to stay elsewhere or go home

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weltenbummler · 15/09/2019 16:18

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day
have you clarified that you are not his housekeeping staff? why on earth would he expect you to clean up his shit?

subtly (or less so) direct him to this:
www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-House-Guest

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burritofan · 15/09/2019 16:18

Can you get hold of a vuvuzela or party noisemaker and blow it every time he makes a complaint?

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Bookworm4 · 15/09/2019 16:19

@Smelborp
That’s a good idea, maybe seeing it written in a list will shock him into realising what a cock he is.

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sweetsaltypopcorn · 15/09/2019 16:19

Every time he moans, you need to join in. But make sure all your complaints concern him!

"God, John, who wears black socks any more?"

"Do you really use so much milk in your tea?"

"I can't believe you sleep with the bedroom door open."

The more mundane the thing you are complaining about the better, until he gets the hint.

WineCakeBrew

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DowntonCrabby · 15/09/2019 16:20

Bless you OP, it must be so annoyed but this thread has made my day.

We’ll think of a collective MN alibi if you need to off him.

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butterandbread · 15/09/2019 16:20

Absolute gold, though not for you, you poor thing!

What on earth was the problem with the blue deodorant and the lack of hat wearing? And what time was he wanting to go swimming?!

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DowntonCrabby · 15/09/2019 16:21

Wait, what?? He’s married?!?! Poor cow!

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Drum2018 · 15/09/2019 16:22

At least that's the last time he'll be staying with you, right? If he mentions visiting again tell him to find a hotel so he can eat, sleep and moan to his hearts content to the poor staff there, and not in your house.

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AnneElliott · 15/09/2019 16:23

Why doesn't he have any clothes? You should definitely point him towards the nearest hotel?

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Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2019 16:23

Perhaps by him paying a hotel to pander to his needs, everyone would be happier in future. Why do you put up with him? My blood pressure went up just reading your post.

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GetOffTheTableMabel · 15/09/2019 16:25

Perhaps next time he visits you could prepare a bingo card, listing topics he might complain about and enjoy crossing them off. It sounds as though he cannot stop himself.

As for the planes are too low, they tend to get lower when they’re landing. Does he really think airlines should just throw the passengers out while they’re still at his preferred altitude? The problem isn’t just that this man complains, it’s that some of his complaints are utterly moronic.

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Coffeeandchocolate9 · 15/09/2019 16:25

I think I'd go for maximum piss taking too, especially if you get your DH in on it.

Get up to go to the loo in the night; "I'M GOING FOR A SHIT JOHN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLOSE YOUR BEDROOM DOOR SO YOU DON'T HEAR THE TOILET FLUSH!"

"Breakfast is served John. Its alphabetti spaghetti so you can artfully create your complaint on the plate. Or shit it later, whichever you prefer."

Remove his duvet and leave him just the cover, seeing as none of yours are suitable.

Gather everybody and sit them around him expectantly. Explain to him that he's going to show you all some card tricks so you don't need expensive hobbies again. Complain bitterly when he doesn't have any cards.

Ask him where the new car he promised you is. Explain with lots of eye rolls that obviously everybody knows thay if you as a guest complain about something you make the upgrade for the host.

Go charity shop shopping and return with the most outrageously bad taste clothes in his size that you can find. Present with great pleasure, just before announcing that all his (and "his" borrowed) clothes are in the wash and will take a week to hand dry - noo cant use the tumble dryer, too pricey, got to pay for rugby lessons, haven't we?!

^ include one pair of shorts, because Mondays are shorts days in this household. NO exceptions.

Tuesdays are guests cook gourmet for the host days, too. Present him with your menu choices tomorrow.

Wednesdays are communicate in mime only day, obviously. Absolutely refuse to engage with him if he doesn't mime jovially along.

Leave little handwritten posh notes in the en suite stating that all guests must leave with all their own body hair. Provide a small ziplock bag and tweezers for his convenience.


And so on.

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drsausage · 15/09/2019 16:25

My SIL wasn't impressed by our furniture, the fact that our fridge wasn't spotlessly clean, or the fact that we didn't iron any clothes.

We let her know she was welcome to clean the fridge, iron our clothes and buy us new furniture. She actually did give us a bed Grin. I'm still waiting for her to do the ironing or cleaning.

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